Somewhere between hate and loathing
by Eden24
Summary: Destiel. High School AU. Castiel Novak is the resident gay kid. Dean Winchester is king jock and Cas' bully...but is that the only past and future between these two?
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: Sooooooooo...sorry guys for being away FOREVER! I've finally finished high school, gotten a job, moved out of home. Things have been so crazy lately but im starting to settle back down so hopefully i'll get back to my stories. This is my first supernatural fanfiction so please be nice!**

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**CHAPTER ONE - Cas **

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>The parking lot was already half empty by the time I had reached school and I didn't doubt for a moment that I wasn't going to be lucky enough to get to class on time. If I had it surely would have been a miracle. The first time in my whole high school life.<br>Grabbing my satchel from the backseat, I took off towards the school quickly, dropping my head as I passed the dumpsters.  
>"Hey Novak!" A voice called out and I tensed as I recognised the voice. "Homo! I'm talking to you!"<br>Turning slowly, I tried not to sigh as I saw the sea of navy and yellow letterman jackets. I watched them approach, wide smirks on most of their faces. They looked like sharks; dumb, grinning sharks. The voice had come from Lucifer Dell, Handover High's best ice hockey defence. Slowly his smirk grew as his black eyes glued to me.  
>Lucifer – or Luc as everyone only knew him as - was one of Handover's biggest ladies men - coming a very close second to his best friend – and a reputation that confirmed just as much. For lack of a better word, Luc was the biggest man-whore of the place.<br>No one would tell you that Luc was my half brother.  
>The jock looked at me, running a quick hand through his spike blonde hair as he took a step closer.<br>I admit that at the start of high school it was a common thought that I would join the hockey team and the jocks as part of the 'most wanted men of Handover' to the rest of the school's girl population.  
>To be honest Luc and I were pretty okay with each other back before high school – we weren't really friends but we hung out from time to time. Our mothers' request - and he wasn't anything less than happy when he thought that I would join him at the top of the food chain of Handover.<br>Thoughts – and Luc – quickly changed and vanished when I turned down the head cheerleader, Lisa Braden. I should have known Luc would disown me as soon as I came out. When the jocks found out Luc had shrugged before he pushed me roughly against one of the lockers and looked at his team mates as if they should be disgusted too by the fact his mother had given birth to a fag. Covering his own ass as always.  
>The rest was history from there. As far as everyone at Handover was concerned now, Luc and i had no history that involved anything but hate and if they knew...well they just didn't care. Luc obviously didn't. I dropped my head, keeping my blue eyes glued to the floor.<br>"Come on, Novak. Were you trying to skip saying good morning to us?" Luc teased, walking up to me slowly. "I thought we were good buds."  
>"I just wanted to get to class, Dell" I snapped. My grip on my satchel tightened. Luc smirked wider then, his friends laughing quietly behind him. I didn't dare roll my eyes.<br>I was hardly one of the popular guys at Handover anymore. The only out kid at the school not to mention pretty much an art nerd? Category A for the daily jock tortures, the 'good morning' dumpster dives being one of them.  
>"Get it over and done with, Dell." I hissed, throwing out my arms. "I'm late already."<br>Luc grinned, bumping shoulders with the brunet boy beside him – Michael, I would find out later. I tried to remove my satchel and coat as they came closer but Luc had my arms already, Michael taking up my legs not too much later.  
>"This stuff is worth more than your pathetic excuse for a life, Dell." I growled but he ignored it, laughing as he and Michael began to swing me towards the dumpsters.<br>"Come on, Luc. Stop before he has a bitch fit." A voice laughed. I relaxed in Luc's arms. Dean Winchester emerged from behind his team, smiling widely. Luc let go of me, smirking widely as his best friend came closer.  
>Dean had a look that I had been told by most of the school's girl population practically screamed 'bad boy jock' without even needing his letterman jacket. Not that I would admit – out loud anyway - Dean was by far one of the most attractive – but straightest – guys at Handover. Wide shoulders, strong arms and enough muscle to make a girl – or gay boy – swoon without wondering what steroids he was on – quite unlike Luc I might add, his room has already been searched many times I had been told. Combine that was strong facial features, short light brown hair and emerald green eyes and you had Dean Winchester. Hockey centre and captain, man-whore of Handover, biggest ladies-man, all around jerk and best friends with the asshole of my life, Luc. What a combination.<br>Give me credit; I was not dumb enough or suicidal enough to like Dean anymore than a hot body that I could appreciate from afar. Or that's what I kept telling myself. Okay, so I admit I had a slight crush on the jerk. So sue me.  
>Having Dean around was a slight mercy in some ways. As captain of the team Dean had control over everything that happened at Handover, he, Luc and Lisa Braden being at the very top of the social food chain. That included what happened to me and my friends. I narrowed down his little involvement in most things to him trying to keep a clean slate for his hockey scholarship he was bound to get at the end of high school. No one questioned it out loud, there was need to, it wouldn't change anything. All I knew was that Dean was still enough of a factor for the jocks to see him as 'one of them' and that was all that mattered.<br>"Novak" Dean nodded briefly to me, holding out an impatient hand as I stripped of my coat and satchel. I managed to mumble out a quiet 'thanks' as I watched him place my things along with his own jacket at his feet.  
>"Happy Winchester?" Luc chuckled to Dean, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. Dean shrugged slightly.<br>"Were you really going to do it without me?" he asked with a smirk and I breathed deeply, trying to keep my face neutral as I felt Dean stand behind me. His arms wrapped around my torso under my arms and I tried to ignore the heat in my face as I tried to concentrate on Luc as he picked up my legs. Now what most people never seemed to notice was the slight way Dean would lower his face, far enough to whisper in my ear some degrading comment or insult. I would shiver slightly from rage – not that way his breath and lips ghosted over my ear, honest – and bite my tongue to stop some scathing remark leaving my lips. Today was different.  
>"You have it coming, you know? Wearing those tight faggy jeans of yours all the time. Makes you stand out Novak." he whispered and I huffed slightly. Who the hell was he to judge me?<br>I angled my head up quickly, lips and teeth brushing against his earlobe "well, well, Winchester. Never knew you paid attention to my jean size."  
>I felt Dean shiver slightly, his eyes a little darker than normal and I fought a smirk, clearing losing. I didn't notice the way his arms tightened slightly.<br>"Yeah, well its hard not to" he whispered again, pulling his face back. I stiffened, wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean as Luc and Dean's grip vanished, replaced with the so familiar feeling of the inside of the dumpsters. Charming as always. I ignored it this time, enjoying the small victory I had gotten against Dean as I waited the normal 20 seconds before pulling myself from the bin. My eyes narrowed on the jocks as they disappeared inside, my waiting giving me time to actually get out without them closing and locking the lid like they had done before. I already knew I was late. My eyes moved to the lone jock leaning against the rim of the dumpster, my bag slung over his shoulder and my jacket in his hand as he offered a spare hand down to me. I pushed Dean's hand away, taking my things wordlessly but my gaze was nothing but sceptical.  
>"Just giving your things back like always. No need to have a bitch fit Novak." Dean sighed, running a hand over his face.<br>"I just got thrown into a dumpster, I think I'm allowed to be just a little moody, Winchester."  
>"It could always be worse than this." He added quickly. "As much as it doesn't seem like it, I actually help. Without me, you'd be dead."<br>"I don't need your 'help' Winchester. If you think that you've taken far too many hits to the head" I hissed, glaring at him. "All you help has gotten me so far is tripped, beaten up, thrown into dumpsters and picked on. So thanks but I can take care of myself."  
>In truth, I knew I could have always been worse than this and in some ways, Dean was a very slight help. Dumpster dives and locker slams were never as bad as they could have been when it was him, Dean at least giving me small mercies of a nod from down the hall so I could brace myself for a locker slam or letting me strip my expensive things as well as the hand out – which I always ignored but it was the thought – when it came to the dumpster dives.<br>Dean's expression changed, a sardonic smirk plastered on his face as he leant closer towards me. I felt the side of the bin against my back, Dean's frame way too close to my front for my liking and I fully expected him to take a swing at me. I flinched as his hand came up beside my head, his smirk tugging a little as his pulled his hand away, fry caught between his finger tips. I lowered my face with my eyes on my feet, hoping my face wasn't as red as it felt.  
>"Scraps belong in the dumpsters, Novak. Not you should know that by now." He said harshly, flicking it over my shoulder back into the dumpster. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding as Dean spun around quickly, disappearing after his friends. My breaths were shaky as I watched him go before I began to make my way towards the bathrooms. Even now it I had to say it was a well rehearsed act; one I had been doing for practically years. Lock myself up, get out of my dumpster diving ensemble, clean myself up, put on one of the many spare items hidden away in my locker and walk out looking amazing and unscathed until the next time I ran into the jocks.<br>I sighed slightly, shaking my head as I shoved my disgusting and stained clothes into the plastic bag, hiding it in my locker until I could take it home and pray that it would survive. I wouldn't lose another good shirt cause of those Neanderthals. I changed into my white button-up, rolling the sleeves up to my elbows before pulling on a new pair of black skinny jeans and thin loosely done-up tie.  
>As it was, I had ended up being almost 10 minutes late to class, mumbling a small apology to Mr. Zachariah about my 'accidental sleep in' and 'broken alarm'. I could hear the jocks snigger from the spot at the windows and Zachariah sent them a small frown. I had no doubt in my mind Zachariah knew I was lying – I had been using the same excuse for years – but as always, he said nothing as he gestured me towards my seat. I dropped my head as I made my way up the back, trying to ignore the slurs the team was whispering among themselves. Without looking I could feel their eyes on me and I dropped my head lower, cursing them under my breath.<br>As I walked, my eyes flickered to Dean and I shifted as I saw him talking comfortably with Luc in front of him. There was a slight smile on his face but his focus was clearly only half on Luc. I watched as his grin faded, his face going blank as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I turned my gaze to my seat up the back quickly.  
>"Stop it." Dean hissed suddenly, kicking Luc's chair. I didn't know if Luc or I was more shocked by his outburst but Luc rolled his eyes, pulling his leg in from just in front of me. My eyes widened, wondering if Dean had really spared me another embarrassment in front of the class when I heard Zachariah clear his throat behind me.<br>Apparently not... I thought quickly.  
>"Castiel, quickly now." Zachariah sighed and turned back towards the board but not before casting a stern look at Luc. I ducked my head again, this time to hide the red spreading across my neck and cheeks.<br>"I thought I smelt a dumpster diver." My best friend smiled, kissing my cheek as I slid into my seat at the very back beside her. "These fell out of your bag, Angel boy."  
>I rolled my eyes at the but smiled regardless.<br>"Thanks Bela." I whispered, pulling on the red fingerless gloves she had pressed into my hands.  
>Bela Talbot had been one of my closest friends practically since the start of high school. She was gorgeous – as far as girls went – with curves that turned the other cheerleaders green and a smile that lit up every room. Despite everything, Bela had stuck by my side – unlike someone else I wouldn't mention. 'Ditching-the-queer' had never crossed her mind, even with the rest of the cheerleading team requesting she gets friends of a 'higher social status' to save their perfect image. In some ways I was lucky that Bela was just as stubborn as Luc.<br>Bela brushed her long, straight light brown hair from her shoulders, hazel eyes glaring at me from beneath her fringe. I shifted in my seat. Bela had always been too perceptive for my liking.  
>"Ow! What the hell was that for?" I yelped as quietly as I could, ducking before she could slap the back of my head again.<br>"Don't think I missed you and Winchester's little stare off" she whispered closely, eyes flickering to the boy in question before back to me. "And the scene after the dumpster dive this morning. I don't even want to know why he was standing that close to you. What did you say to make him look like he wanted to eat you?"  
>"Bela," I began, my eyes following to where hers was previously. Dean was slouched in his chair, pen tapping on this textbook – no doubt in time with the beat coming from the headphone in his ear. "I didn't do anything this morning. Winchester just being a jerk like he always is."<br>I saw Bela raise a brow from the corner of my eye.  
>"Listen, I know what he's like now." I sighed deeply, eyes still glued to him as I whispered even quieter. "I know I can't trust him. He's not the same guy, I know. Dean's dead and all we got now is Winchester."<br>"But you're still looking?" she scoffed  
>I shrugged. "No harm right?"<br>"Unless any of the team catches you." She agreed sarcastically. "Then they have more of a reason for wanting to kill you. I'm still surprised Dean hasn't the amount of times you two are caught staring at each other."  
>"Because that would mean he'd have to acknowledge that he was looking back at me too." I sighed. "And again. Thanks Bela"<br>I unclenched one of the fists I didn't know I had made, sliding it over the desk to hold hers.  
>"You know I'm just looking out for you. Right, Angel boy?"<br>"I know" I nodded slightly, still watching the jock from the corner of my eye. Dean moved in his chair, his head turning just enough to see Bela and I. His eyes narrowed slightly, flickering to our clasped hands before back to my face. I fought to keep myself neutral, showing no emotion on my face just as he did. It faltered on both our parts but his expression I couldn't tell. "Sometimes I think you're the only one anymore Bela"  
>If I had looked away I would have seen her eyes go from me to Dean, a brow raised as she bit her tongue.<br>"Don't you forget it" she let out, squeezing my hand back tightly as she watched Dean even more hidden than I was. If it were possible. Dean nodded barely as he looked away and I mimicked it, wondering if I had imagined the tiniest smile on his face as he turned. The grip on my hand tightened.  
>"Don't let him mess with your mind" Bela whispered comfortingly, her thumb stroking my hand comfortingly. I held onto her hand tighter, feeling myself losing control again. "Angel boy, relax...Anna and I are always here."<br>_Oh god, Anna...  
><em>Class didn't seem to last too long after that, neither Bela nor I in the mood for calculus as we half ran from the room at the bell, making our way to the lockers quickly. I tried to ignore the metallic whine of the next locker beside me being opened, the familiar voices of the couple talking loudly beside me, the girl whining about something inconsequential.  
>I could see Bela make a face beside me towards the girl and I stifled a laugh. I let my eyes flicker to the couple, closing my locker door with more force than necessary. Sure enough, standing right beside me was Lisa Novak, the head cheerleader having a tight, possessive grip on Dean Winchester's arm. Dean's eyes moved to me briefly; his face blank but it caught Lisa's attention. The jocks were like accessories at Handover and Dean Winchester was one of a kind, Luc becoming the next best thing. Girls kept a tight grip on the boys they could have to elevate their popularity. Lisa was no exception.<br>"What are you looking at?" She hissed, turning sharply to me.  
>"Ignore him Lisa. Its just the Carter fag." Dean mumbled, sliding an arm around Lisa's waist to move further down the hall where Dean's locker was.<br>I let out a shaky sight, leaning back against my locker, shaking my head in disbelief.  
><em>Stupid Dean Winchester.<em>  
>"You okay, angel boy?" Bela forced a smile, leaning her head on the locker beside me.<br>"Just gets to me sometimes, Bel. It's nothing." I retorted softly and I hated her for what she said next.  
>"Dean or Winchester..." she said quietly, nodding down the hall to where Dean was before forcing another sympathetic smile. "...or is it Anna? I saw you walking to go see her on Saturday."<br>"So how was your weekend" I changed the topic quickly, plastering on a smile.  
>I could see my friend roll her eyes at my subtlety but said nothing about it as she let out a little groan. "Do not get me started. I mean it, Angel boy. You, Me, Gerard-Butler-athon, Tomorrow Night."<br>"Gerard-Butler-athon? What the hell does that even mean?" I teased with a smirk. "And by the fact it is him, I'm guessing unrequited love life problems?"  
>Bela mumbled under her breath. "How do you always seem to know?"<br>"Because I'm psychic" I sighed dramatically. "It's a secret talent. Besides, I also know you and Gerard Butler."  
>Bela rolled her eyes, smacking me in the arm lightly.<br>I pulled the cheerleader under my arm with a smile. "Look, rocky road, pizza, Gerard and gossip. Tomorrow night, just you and me. I'll come at 7?"  
>"This is why you are way too amazing for any guy in this world" she smiled, wrapping an arm around my waist. The grin on my face fell as did Bela's, the two of us spinning around as we heard the high pitched squeal erupt from down the hall. Raising myself to my toes, my eyes narrowed on the small figure in the middle of the now forming crowd.<br>Kaz.  
>Dean Winchester's little sister.<br>Just behind her I could see Luc and Michael laughing, bumping fists as they flicked their now empty cups at them teasingly. Her face crumpled as she wiped at the coke sticking to her clothes and face. Bela growled behind me as she tugged on my hand. I rolled my eyes as I ran down the hall, the two of us pushing and shouting our way through the crowd. I couldn't resist the glare I sent to a frozen Dean.  
>"Great job protecting your family, Winchester." I snapped, not stopping as I passed. I wasn't going to hang around for him to react.<br>Ash – one of the rare guy friends I had – was next to Kaz as I reached their side, Bela smiling softly as she pulled up with Jo following quickly by her side.  
>"Come on Kaz." She sighed, tugging her into the girl's bathroom behind us. "Cas and I are pro's at this."<br>I wanted to sigh as I followed but someone caught my wrist and I smirked, raising a brow when I saw it was Ash looking quiet nervous.  
>"Umm, listen I can't go in there...not like you can...not because your gay or anything...I mean it is but..." he gestured vaguely to the girl's bathroom. "...can you...can you just make sure she's is okay?"<br>I laughed quietly, patting his shoulder. "Alright, I will but I want you to go find Winchester. I saw him not too far up the hall frozen beside Lisa. Find him, tell him to go to the auditorium after lunch. I want to have a few words with him."  
>"Brave." Ash nodded, shoving his hands back into his pockets as he dropped his face. "You sure you don't want me to get Sam Winchester or something?"<p>

"As much as i want to say yes...no, get Dean. He can actually change what happens to his sister because of those jerks" i sighed.

"Just be careful Cas." Ash warned. "Dean will be after blood for this…god knows he won't care if it's yours."  
>Unfamiliar with this side of Ash I managed out a quiet, "Thanks…"<br>He gave a non commercial shrug.  
>"Oh and Ash?" I called, the boy looking back up at me with a mild curiosity. "If you don't do something or ask Kaz out soon, I might kill you, let alone Bela and Jo. They're ten times more scary than Dean Winchester." I smirked "Don't worry. She likes you too."<br>The smile on his face could not be beaten as he turned back around, walking back down the hall with a slight bounce in his step.

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>"I hate them" Kaz murmured, her dark brown curls covering the tears that began to well up in her eyes. I could see Bela grimace as she pulled Kaz down off the bathroom bench into a hug and Jo leaned into my side, eyes still glued to the two.<br>"We know" Bela agreed and pushed a damp piece of hair behind the girl's ear. "They're just jerks. Forget it."  
>"I know I should" she sighed, resting her head on Bela's shoulder. "We don't have it nearly as bad as Cas does but-"<br>"It's still hard." Jo finished and her grip on my hand tightened. Kaz nodded.  
>"I'm sorry about this guys." I sighed, wiping a hand down my face.<br>"it's not your fault Cas." Bela scolded. She knew what I was thinking. "being friends with you isn't a curse Cas."  
>I looked at her with a brow raised.<br>"I'm not him" she mouthed back with a glare.  
>"come on, let's get you cleaned up" I changed the subject quickly as I looked at Kaz. "you've got spare clothes right?"<br>"I'm starting to thank you for making me bring them." Kaz admitted with a small smile before Bela rolled her eyes. I winced slightly as the grip on my hand tightened.  
>"Killing them with a spoon wouldn't help Jo so get that murderous glare off your face. What would everyone think?" I teased lightly, my heart not really in it. Jo rolled her eyes.<br>"That I'm a fearless badass" she smirked but it was clear her heart wasn't in it either.  
>There was a small rap on the door of the girl's bathroom and Jo glared at it. Her grip on my hand tightened again, tucking a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear as she took a step towards it. Kaz visibly stiffened and I could see Bela's hold around her shoulder tighten.<br>"I swear to god if that's..." Jo started, not bothering to finish her threat. Even for being a year younger than myself, Jo was still one of the scariest and badass people I knew.  
>"Kaz, Jo, come on. I know you're in there" a familiar voice tried from the other side of the door as fingertips drummed against the wood. "Come out, we can talk about this..."<br>"Go to hell Dean" Jo snapped back almost immediately. "Your sister doesn't want to talk to you and at the moment, either do I. Just go back to your latest pathetic excuse for friends."  
>"Jo, you know I had nothing to do with this." Dean groaned. "Why would I want to do that to my own sister?"<br>Everyone rolled their eyes at his pathetic excuse and Jo pressed back to my side. My hand was numb by now from her angry grip but I didn't let go, squeezing it back for a moment.  
>"Cause at school you're different and you know it. You act like you care about us as much as Luc obviously cares about Cas." She yelled back, Kaz letting out a small 'no offence Cas' which I shook off. It was true.<br>"Cas?" There was a hint of shock in his tone before he continued normally. "Why am I not surprised he's with you? Open the door, guys. Let me in so we can talk about this."  
>"Hell no!" Jo said, her tone judging his sanity. "Why? So you can come and apologize only to torment our friends later? You, my dear friend, are bipolar!"<br>"Fine" he snapped, a loud thump vibrating the door between us as he hit it roughly. "This isn't over Kaz. We'll talk at home"  
>"Get lost, Dean." Jo hissed for her, kicking the door. There was a small growl from the other side before the light thump of footsteps moving away. I felt Jo's grip on my hand finally loosen. I flexed my hand by my side. Bela had an arm around Kaz, holding the sobbing girl close and upright as he legs gave way. Jo was by their side in a second.<br>"I just want my brother back." Kaz whispered as she held onto Bela. "He's not this guy. Not really. You remember, don't you Cas? That's why you still look at him. Hoping he'll come back. You remember. Why's he acting like this?"  
>"I dunno" I whispered, brushing her fringe back to press a kiss to her forehead.<br>"He used to be really sweet. You and he were best friends, don't you remember Cas? Jo and I do. Sam too. Then he came to high school and he changed. Then you came out and he changed again. This...this is not my brother." Kaz shook, burying her face in Bela's shoulder.  
>"He needs a good ass kicking" Jo growled under her breath, shrugging arrogantly as Bela shot her a disapproving glare. "What? It's true"<br>"I miss him Cas" Kaz sighed. "I miss him so much"  
>I forced my eyes shut, trapping the moisture that was beginning to well up. I could feel my control slipping and Bela's free hand found mine strongly, keeping me to earth. I pressed myself to Kaz's back, hugging her tightly as I pressed a kiss to her shoulder.<br>"I know." I sighed, eyes squeezed shut again as I buried my face in her hair. "I miss him too..."

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>I slunk further into the chair towards the back of the auditorium, my spot clearly seen in the middle from the doors. I laced my fingers on my stomach nervously, wondering for the millionth time what the hell I was doing. I stayed in my spot remembering that this would be for the girls. I had to talk to Dean and if it got me killed then so be it. It would be worth it. I hoped.<br>"Novak" a voice coughed from the doorway, Dean shifting with his hands in his pockets as my attention snapped to him. "Ash said someone wanted to see me. I didn't know it would be you. You know I'm not gonna play with whatever faggy fantasy you have for us in here, right?  
>"Grow up, Winchester" I growled, standing but not moving from my spot. "I'm here to talk and you're going to shut up and listen to me."<br>"Am I now?" he challenged.  
>"Yes, cause whether you like it or not, you're just as pissed as I am." I retorted. "I don't think throwing cups of Coke at Kaz was exactly an order from you now was it?"<br>Dean raised a brow, his head tilted to the side slightly. I ignored every fibre in my body that was telling me to run as he began walking slowly towards the stairs.  
>"You aren't afraid of me." He commented, confused eyes on me. "Why?"<br>"To be honest Winchester, I'm terrified of you." I said truthfully. My breath shuddered as I let out the deep breath I didn't know I was holding.  
><em>Breathe Cas, Breathe.<em> I reminded myself  
>"You could never understand how much I want to get out of here. But you know what? Your sister is more important to me than worrying about getting bashed." I continued, my tone acidic "Clearly you don't feel the same."<br>I expected the glare that crashed onto his face "Don't tell me how I feel about her, you don't know me anymore, Novak"  
>"I can see that clearly Winchester." I remarked, playing with the sleeve cuffs of my jacket nervously. I just wanted to get out of there. "They may be my friends but she's your family. There was a time when I knew you. When family was more important than what some idiots in high school thought about you. At the end of the year, none of these people will matter anymore. So why are you trying so hard to please them?"<br>Dean had already made it up to where I was; the glare on his face permanent as he spoke. "Don't try and tell me what to do or how I am."  
>"I thought I knew you once. It was years ago but I didn't think you could turn into this. I knew I hated you; that was a given but now I'm starting to see you beside just what you've done to me. See who you've become. No wonder your sister hates you" I growled before I could help myself and I huffed as my shoulders hit the floor, Dean standing above me with a look that was nothing short of murderous.<br>"You don't know shit, Novak" he spat. "Not about me, not about my sister. Nothing, you got it? Just keep out of my way. I'll look after my sister myself."  
>"Yeah, in way that would never put your rep at risk. Aka, do nothing" I hissed, scrambling to my feet and Dean froze. "Can't believe how wrong I was about you..."<br>I was at the doors by the time he finally moved, turning slowly to look at me over his shoulder.  
>"Hey Novak" he called out, his face unreadable. "You know there's really nothing much to miss."<br>Wide eyed, I dropped my head, gracing him with the barest of nods as I ran, leaving Dean in the auditorium. Alone.

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**a/n: so what did you think? Crappy i admit but hey! If you like it, send in reviews and favourite if you want. I wont update unless i get at least 3 feedback. If you really hated it, please don't be too harsh. Im new at this.**

**Love, Eden xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n:OMG THIS IS AMAZING! This got WAYYYYY more reviews and subscribes than i could ever have guessed! Thankyou guys! MWAH! Also, i know Dean is a real douchebag so far but he'll get better i promise! This is teen, angst, emotional constipated Dean...sorta like adult dean...anyway, onto chapter two**

CHAPTER TWO – Cas

I didn't bother going to find the girls. It was lunch by then and already the halls were packed full of people, jocks and cheerleaders lining the walls as they talked or pulled things from their lockers. The cafeteria had never been a favourite spot of mine and despite how I felt about it, I had put up with it for the sake of the group. Somehow the girls – and the few rare guys that chose to sit with us, usually only because they were dating Jo or Bela- loved the loud, crowded atmosphere of it. Still, it didn't mean I was in the mood for it then. Not with Dean surely already at his table by now.  
>I made my way past the crowd starting to march its way towards the cafeteria. It didn't take long to make my way to my old spot – the small area behind the library, large garbage bins stacked in such an order that it was easy to climb onto the roof from and considering no one went past the area except maybe the janitor, it was my number one hide out from the jocks back before Bela. Well, back before Bela hurt her ankle cheering 2 years ago, putting her on crutches for a week. At the time, the cafeteria became a necessity. I knew I would regret it one day. I kinda understood why now.<br>My heart fell a bit as I climbed up, spotting the figure on the roof a few meters away. It didn't take long for the smirk to stretch back onto my face.  
>"You're alive," I said quietly, sitting down beside them, both our legs hanging off the edge of the roof.<br>Isaac glanced up, smirking when he saw me. "Fancy that."  
>He hadn't changed much since I last saw him, his shaggy black hair in desperate need of a cut, his jeans torn and faded. I was eighty percent sure he was wearing the same rolling stones t-shirt as he had been when I last saw him too.<br>Isaac really didn't have many friends, even back the last time I had seen him. No offense meant but it was the simple fact Isaac didn't see people as human beings but rather experiments that he could manipulate or play with. He viewed social interaction much like it was an option rather than a normal part of life. Half the fact he and I got on so well the last time.  
>Isaac and I had been "acquaintances" for as long as I could remember. The two of us were neighbours since we could walk and although he and Dean didn't get along much, Isaac was still at my house every opportunity he had without Dean's presence... which to be honest wasn't much til the start of high school.<br>Since everything had happened in my family however, Isaac and I grew distant, an unconscious decision on both our parts. It wasn't a surprise I saw him in the hallway now and then but neither of us ever made an effort to try and converse again. Bela was happy in some ways. She had never approved of Isaac – being a 'bad influence' and all - but when had Bela approved half of the things I had done. Even with the time gap, Isaacs's presence still felt the same. An easy, quiet understanding. If I was honest, we were friends in some loose sense of the term. Not that either of us was going to put a name to whatever it was.  
>Isaac held the cigarette packet out without a word, his slim fingers holding the ignited zippo lighter under my lips as I took one.<br>"Interesting, isn't it?" Isaac said quietly, exhaling the smoke from his cigarette slowly. "It's been almost 2 years and we fall back into the same routine."  
>"We have a mutual hate for most of Handover. It's easy to fall back into old routine." I smirked in spite of myself.<br>"Most of Handover." Isaac shook his head slowly. "Dean Winchester's not one of those select few we supposed don't, is he?"  
>I looked at Isaac sharply.<br>"Had to ask, mate." He shrugged a shoulder. "I was smoking in the boys bathrooms when little Kaz Winchester got splashed. Winchester voice might have drifted in next door during your groups little screaming match."  
>"Then you know I feel the same about him as I did last time. Like I said, mutual hate."<br>"Just checking" He chuckled quietly.  
>"What about you, Isaac?" I sighed. "If we're gonna be all open and shit…who do you actually give a shit about in this hell hole?"<br>Isaac froze slightly, his fingers fumbling slightly as he lit another cigarette. When he answered there was a nervous smirk on his face, a slight chuckle escaping his lips. "No one, mate. You know that."  
>I knew better than to push it.<p>

**- Dean -  
><strong>  
>I threw myself into my seat roughly, Luc raising his eyes from his lunch to look at me with a raised brow. Cocky, smart ass and angry Dean was normal. Livid Dean wasn't<br>Stupid Luc.  
>Stupid Michael.<br>Stupid Kaz.  
>Stupid Jo.<br>Stupid Cas...  
>Who was I kidding? It was my fault, it was always my fault. The Handover Handout. The man-whore. The ladies man. Best friend to Luc Dell – the sex shark. I was the loser that always managed to fuck up everything.<br>Cas and I would never admit to my sister that I had heard them. After I sent Luc to walk away on my behalf, I knew my sister would spill everything to her friends as soon as she was sure I was gone. I was a jock but I wasn't an idiot. Cas would keep his mouth shut I was sure. My sister had already too much on her plate and there was no need in telling her.  
>As much of a pain in the ass I was to my sister, the feeling was mutual on my part and even for a pain in the ass; she was my pain in the ass. It was my job to take care of her and Sam; I was the man of the family now. No one messed with Kaz but me. Which was a hard enough job when your father names his only daughter after his freaking car!<br>"Bro, what the hell is with you?" Luc chuckled, slapping my knee from his spot as Lisa, Meg and Crowley fell into their seats around the lunch table. My glare spun to Luc and his smiled faltered slightly.  
>"My sister, Luc?" I growled. "We talked about this; I thought I made it clear."<br>"Come on Dean" he laughed even under my glare. "Who cares? It's only a little soft drink. I do worse to the fag daily"  
>Not Cas. Not Novak. Not my brother. The fag. Typical.<br>"This is my family, Luc." I said quietly. Luc huffed. "I treat mine different then you do with yours."  
>Luc's expression turned sour for a moment at the reminder.<br>"Yeah whatever man. Wasn't even my idea. Michael wanted to do it to get Kaz's attention so hey I tagged along." Luc explained. "It's like schoolyard with him man. Pulling on the girls pigtails or whatever."  
>"I don't care what it is; Michael or any of you have no permission to go near my little sister. Ever." I ignored the look of defiance Luc sent me, Jo sliding into the seat on my left, eyes flickering to me briefly.<br>"Nice to see you're being healthy as always Winchester." She said offhandedly, her wrinkling nose in distaste at the sight of the cheeseburger and fries on my plate. I rolled my eyes, slinging an arm over the back of her chair. Of all the friends I had, Jo was definitely the only person I felt really close to. Not that I would admit it. Especially not to Luc. She and I had been close friends ever since the start of school. Back then my best friend had still been…  
>"This is good food, Harvelle," I huffed, bringing myself back to the present, unable to finish that sentence in my head.<br>Jo scoffed, "Yeah, right…"  
>"Hey, think of it this way, much more of that can get Deano, into an early grave. Save us from his failing ass senior year." Meg smirked, Jo sending her a glare across the table. Those two never did get along.<br>"Feeling the love, Meg" i nodded sarcastically.  
>"You're a lucky man, Winchester," Crowley said, his grin lazy. "They never fight over me like that."<br>"One would hope so" I smirked "Considering one of them is your twin sister."  
>Crowley nodded with a smirk, muttering a small 'true,' as he stole a fry from Meg's plate, receiving a strong elbow to the ribs as he did. Crowley and Meg both had the same white, pale skin and black-brown eyes. It didn't come as a surprise that both of them were high on the school food chain in their own ways, Crowley practically onto his way to being president –with his arsenal of blackmail and bribery- and Meg on the cheer squad. No one mentioned the fact that Meg was the female equivalent of Luc. Not unless they wanted to live. Crowley may have been very laid back and pretty cool guy but bad mouth or say something about Meg and you were as good as dead.<br>"Dean," Jo said quietly, making me recoil a little in spite of myself. In a few years, Jo was easily going to be as terrifying as her mother. "I need some help getting some stuff from my locker for next period. Some help."  
>"Yeah, sure." I nodded quickly, knowing that 'don't-you-dare-fuck-with-me' tone of hers. Jo was already at her locker by the time I caught up, still trying to shove books in my bag as I wondered up to her.<br>"Is this the part where you kill me and hide the body so no one will ever find it?"  
>"I should damn well do that." Jo hissed, glaring up at me as she started to shove her books into my arms.<br>"Yes, I'm an ass. I've heard that enough today. I talked to Luc what else do you want me to do?" I rolled my eyes.  
>Jo's locker slammed shut, making me jump but one of Jo's hands was around my throat, pushing me back into the lockers before I could blink.<br>"This has no effect what so ever," I stated dully. "You can't fight me, your tiny."  
>"No, but I can take away your favourite appendage." She growled out, her eyes flickering and her grip on my neck tightening. It wouldn't take very much effort to move her but I knew better than to think Jo was joking.<br>"You're amazing you know that?" Jo shook her head.  
>"It has been said." I chuckled slightly, quietening under her glare. "Sorry."<br>"I care about you Dean, honestly I do. You're like family but for god's sake, look at yourself." Jo sighed. "I don't know you anymore. Why are you trying to please people who don't matter?"  
><em>'At the end of the year, none of these people will matter anymore. So why are you trying so hard to please them...'<br>_Cas' words echoed through my head and I shook my head, pushing Jo away from me softly.  
>"Because I rule this school. What have I got after that?" I whispered, taking a step away from Jo.<br>"Dean..." Jo hissed disapprovingly.  
>"I'll meet you in class." I nodded, stalking down the hall, hands buried in my pockets.<p>

The classroom was already full by the time I managed my way there, slumping into the seat between Luc and Crowley. Jo was sitting up on a stool by the window, Cas' best friend beside her with a loose arm around her neck and I fought to remember her name. Breanna? No, Becky? Bela! That was it.  
>Unconsciously, my eyes drifted to the figure on the floor in front of them, Kaz –still slightly red eyed - right by their side. Kaz laughed as the figure said something quietly, pushing his shoulder lightly. I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw he had changed his clothes yet again.<br>Castiel Novak.  
>I sighed mentally.<br>I would have been a liar – and to the team I'm fine with being that - if I had said Kaz had been wrong; Cas and I had been best friends since we both could practically talk. I would be a liar again if I said hearing Cas admit that he missed me wasn't a shock. Part of him hated me with very, very good reason. I knew that, I owned that. After what I had put him through during these years, I expected it. I didn't understand what ever tiny small part of Cas' good graces I had.  
>High school was tough and I fell into the accepted moulds. I hung out with the right people, ignored the ones I was told to ignore, did the popular sports – and luckily for me, hockey was one of them – but Cas was different. He stood out. He was stubborn. He shattered the mould of high school so I left him just like I promised that I wouldn't. I was too much of a jerk and a coward to stand up to the 'rumours' about my own best friend. I got out before I found out they were true.<br>This morning flashed in my mind, my big mouth spouting out words without thinking, Cas' blatant teasing and flirting back. The weird thing was – and I would deny it til my grave – was that hitting him was not going through my mind at that point and when it did, I didn't want to.  
>I tore my eyes away angrily, hating myself for staring at my old friend for the third time that day. Things had changed.<br>_A fag, Dean. A stupid homo. _I reminded myself.  
>So why didn't bother me as much as it should of; as much as I acted like it did.<br>"Hatching a plan, bro?" Luc's voice brought me back into reality. There was a wicked grin on his face as his eyes flickered to Cas.  
>I shrugged and gave him a small mumbled, "Something like that" causing him to drop the subject,<br>I was glad when Zachariah came into the room, cutting off most of the conversations echoing around the small room but my ears perked when I heard my name vaguely from the window. Cas and the girls ducked their heads when they caught my eye, slipping into their seats quickly. I shrugged it off – my sister and Jo were probably bad mouthing me again though I ignored the part of me that told me the voice was defiantly Cas's.  
>The rooms gazes locked Zachariah quickly.<br>"Alright, to get your first grade, you need to do a project. I'm gonna give you a set task and it will be due in a few weeks time so my advice is to start it early." he grinned and I could see Luc roll his eyes in front of me, muttering under his breath about Zachariah's eagerness.  
>"I'll go with Dean, Mr. Z" Lisa Braden piped up beside me. She leant into my side as her fingertips played with the hair at the nape of my neck. "I'm sure we'd have an amazing time. We could work together on some ideas."<br>I fought to keep my face blank but hoped quietly that Zachariah would actually decline. Don't get me wrong, Lisa Braden was the hottest girl at Handover- let no one tell you different-but even so the girl had a habit of not understand thing the word 'No' for an answer. It had taken Cas months to get rid of her, even after he came out to the school.  
>'It's just a phase but I could be forever' didn't work as much as Lisa would have liked.<br>I was on Lisa's list not too long after that and even after a brief – and drunken – makeout at one of the end of year parties, the girl still had her sights set on me. She obviously still hadn't gotten the message.  
>I don't date.<br>That was a lie. I would date.  
>When I actually found someone worth dating.<br>Sure, I was the 'Handover Handout' and I had hooked up with practically every girl worth hooking up with – excluding my sister and Jo obviously, they wouldn't hook up with anyone full stop. I had made sure of that and if any boy wanted to go out with either of them, they would go through me first – but Luc was the sex shark. He had done the whole school – again, minus my sister and Jo; I would have rung his neck.  
>Surprisingly, he hadn't been with Cas' best friend Bela either.<br>It didn't matter, if the girl was good, Luc would date them for 3 months give or take before he got bored and moved on. I didn't like it but I kept my mouth shut.  
>Luc was the dater or the quick fuck – depending on the girl – and I was just the one girls went to when they were drunk to make-out with. In all honesty, Handover girls were predictable. They were like Lisa, they were shy and nervous like Kaz or in the very, very rare case they were tough and strong like Jo. Mostly, the school was a field of Lisa wannabe's. All in all, I was yet to find someone at Handover worth it.<br>Luc's eyes widened, mouthing out 'What the fuck?' as I shrugged Lisa off. I leant away in my chair slightly with my arms still folded. The cheerleader smirked and shrugged but even I could see the glare behind her hazel eyes. We were friends of some ridiculous sense of the term but I was sick of the way Lisa always tried to push more than that.  
>"No, Miss Braden" Zachariah sighed, setting the box in his hands atop his desk. "I've chosen your pairs this time. So I expect excellent projects from you guys."<br>Several people groaned, Zachariah ignoring them as he ran a finger down the roll. Jo smirked, oozing confidence and her normal give-them-hell attitude. She was tougher than I would ever give her credit. Her smirk widened and she bumped shoulders with Bela as they got paired together and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Quiet little Eve smiled softly as she was paired with Crowley. He smirked widely beside me. Michael ended up with Lisa's second in command, Ruby and I could see the blond blow him a kiss despite the way his eyes flickered to Kaz for a second.  
>I reminded myself to talk to him about the rules and my sister again.<br>The shy nerdy kid, Harry ended up with Meg. She licked her lips and harry cleared his throat awkwardly as he shifted in his seat. Crowley laughed, pressing a kiss to her temple. Kaz was shocked out of whatever whispered conversation she was having with Cas as her name was called. Ash smiled widely as Zachariah paired them together, the boy straightening in his seat as she blushed.  
><em>Mental note: Sort out that boy later.<br>_My attention focused in as Lisa's name was called, the brunette cheerleader smiling widely as she looked at me from the corner of her eye. Her smile faulted slightly, although Luc's grin widened when they were paired together. I could see Cas' face pale slightly, Zachariah's small smirk making me shift in my seat nervously.  
>"…and Dean and Castiel" he called out, sitting down in his seat behind his desk. My face fell and I looked from Cas across from me to Zachariah pleadingly, trying to ignore the stares from the rest of the people in the room.<br>_Oh kill me now...  
><em>

Luc laughed beside me, our backs pressed against the lockers as i hit his shoulder roughly. "Shut up man!"  
>"Sorry man, can't help it" he smirked widely. "Plus, I got paired with Lisa Braden. Head cheerleader and total hottie. She and I will get along perfectly, just like old times"<br>I rolled my eye at Luc's suggestive tone.  
>"Wait, weren't you dating that other chick? Tamara?" I remembered. "You guys only been together a month or so."<br>"I broke up with her last period. She wasn't bad" Luc shrugged. "Lucky I guess. Lisa's an awesome lay, am I right?"  
>"Moving on already?" I scoffed, ignoring Luc's question. "You're disgusting"<br>"Like you can talk, handout" Luc teased, punching my shoulder with a smirk  
>"Dating is different Luc" I pointed out, shrugging barely.<br>"Not to me." He shrugged. "Besides, I'm a sex shark, gotta keep moving or I'll die."  
>I sighed, "Like I said, disgusting."<br>"Hold up, what's this?" Luc grinned suddenly, pulling himself off the lockers to stand in front of me. I followed his gaze as he nodded to Cas just down the hall. Luc was smirking, rocking back on his heels when I looked back at him. "Perfect right?"  
>"Come on man. Leave it." I began. "He had nothing to do with it. He hates this almost as much as I do."<br>"So?" Luc laughed. "Dude, what's your problem today?"  
>"I dunno man, I just wanna head home. We'll play COD or something. Come on, pizza's on me." I tried again.<br>"Wager me." Luc dared as he ignored me, catching Michael's attention. The brunette boy looked up quickly with a smirk, Crowley and gordan – another team mate I barely knew – copying his expression as their conversation died away beside us.  
>"First to make the fairy swear?" Brett shrugged and Luc groaned.<br>"Come on; give me something worth my time"  
>To the team, Cas had always been just something fun to fuck with and Luc's ego never did help the situation. The constant need to show he was somehow better than his brother always won through and bringing some bet into the equation just made it that much better to Luc. He was always the one who could piss Cas off the most.<br>Still, Cas had my respect in some ways even if i never showed it. Anything the team and I managed to dish out, he took it with a narrowed gaze, biting on his tongue at the last second to stop himself giving us a piece of his mind. In all honesty, i didn't know how he did it; there'd be a limit to how many times i got my books knocked out of my hands of seat moved as i sat down before i would snap and hit someone. He was different. Angry and fiery, yeah but still composed with the ice attitude. Then again there were those few days a year where he just looked weak. Defeated. As if he suddenly couldn't be hurt anymore by us at that moment than he already was. Each time i caught his gaze lock on me, Cas looking at me as if i should feel or know something. Not that i would admit it but i could never look at him on those days, ignored him if i could. Not that it ever worked.  
>"Okay" Michael sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Bet we can make him say the lords name in vain."<br>Even i had to admit it was good. Cas may not have been religious like my mum was– the gay thing probably having a small impact on that – but even i knew he wouldn't resort to taking the lords name in vain unless he was serious. He believed in something more. Maybe not God or the bible just...more. Cas wanted there to be something at the end i guessed. If not for him then for the people he loved.  
>"Novak's wouldn't take the name in vain, you know that" I rolled my eyes.<br>"Agreed, the homo won't spill it" Luc smirked widely. "I'm down for that bottle of jack in your dads office Michael. He'll bargain and beg before he says it."  
>Luc held out his hand and Michael shrugged as he shook hands quickly.<br>"You're on. Scare him enough and he'll squeal it till he's blue" Michael said confidently.  
>"I lose, you get my new motorbike" Michael's face brightened at Luc's words, lips forming a wide smile.<br>The two of them nodded to each other, slowly making their way to Cas. With a groan i tore myself off my locker, following the dynamic duo with my hands shoved deep into my pockets.  
>"Oh, come on!" i could hear Cas half groan, swearing the rest of the hushed sentence under his breath. Shaking his head he let his fingertips run across the thick black word scrawled onto his locker.<br>FAG.  
>Really? I knew we jocks were an unimaginative bunch but couldn't we even think of something slightly original?<br>Then again, it was Handover and it was the jocks.  
>Cas flung his locker door open roughly, the inside scattered with band posters and photographs. The images ranged from a group shot of the art class to another, Cas beside a black haired boy our age who dressed in some sort of band shirt and torn jeans, a cigarette held loosely in his lips. There was another picture beside it, this one in an ornate frame unlike the others. It was a picture of a young girl – she looked 16 at the most, her face familiar although i couldn't place it – a small smile set on her face. I moved my eyes away, another picture catching my eye. My heart clenched painfully and i hadn't realized i stopped walking. There, beside the image of the art class was a photo i hadn't seen in years. Hell, i didn't even know if i still had it.<br>_Liar, you know exactly where it is. In the converse shoebox under your bed with every other thing that reminds you of him..._  
>My arm was around Cas' shoulders, the two of us smiling widely at my 11th birthday. I sighed deeply.<br>If Luc didn't see or didn't care, i had no idea but it set something off inside me. At the time I wouldn't admit it did or if i did i simply didn't know. Either way, a small red flag popped up in my head as I watched the wide grin plaster onto Luc's face and I realised what they were about to do.  
>"Go!" Michael shouted but Luc already had Cas around the waist, stuffing him none too gently into his own open locker, ignoring the strangled gasps and curses as they fought awkwardly.<br>With a slam, the door closed and Luc slumped against it, his body moving with the door from the hits and kicks from the other side. Luc mashed the lock, the hits stopping as the lock clicked. Luc and Michael were laughing by then, Crowley and Gordan smirking just behind them and I shoved a quick smile on my face as I met Luc's full on grin.  
>The first bang on the locker door made the five of us jump slightly but the rest of the boys grinned, knowing full well no one would hear us in the empty lockers hall.<br>Luc smirked triumphantly at the string of profanities spilling out of his half brother's mouth, chuckling and flinching as more hits shook the door.  
>"Luc! Let me the fuck out! I will beat the fucking shit out of you for this!"<br>My first instinct was to roll my eyes. I had heard that same threat come from Cas' mouth too many times before but his voice was off, cracked and uneven.  
>"Open the door!" he continued. "Luc, for fucks sake! I swear to fucking god, if you don't let me out-"<br>Michael brightened, looking at Luc with a raised brow as Luc shook it of saying it 'doesn't count.'  
>"Does so!" i argued. "Taking the lords name in vain, that's it!"<br>Everything went silent. The cursing, the banging, the threats. Silent. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.  
>"Novak?" i tried, chuckling nervously.<br>No response.  
>I pushed past my friends, ignoring Luc's confused look at me as i pulled him off the locker. He raised a brow, saying nothing as he looked at the locker then me and back again. I ignored it as i pulled myself up to the grate on Cas' locker.<br>"Novak?" i tried again. "Come on, you okay in there man?"  
>Nothing.<br>"Talk to me, please Cas." I barely whispered, my voice sounding strange to even me. "Please."  
><em>Please be okay...<br>_"I missed you calling me Cas" he whispered finally, heavy breaths wafting through the metal between us. I chuckled, relief causing through my body for a moment. "Dean, let me out...please...i hate the dark and...I'm claustrophobic...please just get me out..."  
>Claustrophobic, shit...why the fuck didn't i remember that?<br>_Cause it's not your job anymore...  
><em>"Okay, okay Cas. Just breathe. I'll get you out." I nodded quickly, yanking on the lock. Cas – i could tell – was on the verge of hysterics and tears in there and i for one knew that Cas never cried. God knows i had given him more than enough reason to before. Then there was the way he said my name.  
>Not Winchester.<br>Not Neanderthal or Jerk.  
>Just Dean...<br>I frowned at the padlock, turning it over in my hands. I could see Luc shrug beside me and i wanted to groan. Fantastic.  
>"We locked it" i growled under my breath and I could hear Cas shuffle inside, no doubt straightening up. Fuck. "I'll open it, I'll open it."<br>"Fuck this. We're leaving. Leave the fag in there" Luc scoffed and i jumped away as a fist sized dent popped out near my face as the banging started again – with a vengeance.  
>"Luc!" i growled above the noise as i grabbed hold of the padlock again, yanking on it roughly. All hell was breaking loose.<br>"Shut up Novak!" i ordered, his voice ringing in my ears so much that i couldn't think straight. "Just...shit! G-g-give me your combination!"  
>I could see Luc flinch beside me again. Cas may have been fiery and had a wicked sharp tongue but this was different and way too out of character.<br>Cas was panicking.  
>"Shit! Get the janitor!" i eventually ordered someone, Cas' panic infectious and i found my own hands shaking as i played with the lock.<br>"Dude, forget it! Let's go!" Luc yelled as he tugged on my arm. "We'd get in so much trouble for this shit!"  
>"Gee, maybe you should have listened when i said leave it alone!" I yanked my arm away as i pulled on the lock again. "We can't leave him like this! You and your big mouth cause him to flip out, now help me fix it!"<br>Luc nodded quickly, a small relieved smile on his face as we caught sight of Crowley down the hall, janitor behind him with a large pair of bolt cutters. I greeted the old man with a loud 'get him the fuck out' and pushed him forward, not caring that Zachariah was barely 3 steps behind him.  
>The janitor cut the lock quickly, the door flinging open at such a pace that it knocked the old man backwards, Cas landing face down on the cold floor at his feet with a loud 'clap.'<br>_Oh god..._I thought, resisting the urge to throw up. _Cas...what have I done..._  
>Cas still had his face to the floor as his back rose and fell with sharp wheezes, the only real sound in the hallway My – and by the sound of it everyone else's - breath caught in my throat. His arms were still out from where he had caught himself on the floor, his white shirt flecked with blood at his elbows. His bloody knuckles were gruesome against the stark white floor, purple and swollen under the bleeding. Cas was still visibly trembling – as was i – and i lunged forward to help him only to be caught sharply at the collar by Zachariah. I knew he was yelling at me, demanding answers yet the blood was pumping too loudly in my ears and i couldn't move my eyes away from Cas. Call it shock or a brain snap but to me Cas looked like a broken fallen angel.<br>Slowly, i could see Cas lift his head, his messy dark brown hair mattered to his sweaty forehead under the brim of his beanie as his tear stained face flushed red. Any hope of breath died as i stared at him, his blue eyes on me unwavering. There was no rage, ferocity or indignation in his eyes; he just stared. A small smirk formed on his face and i could be the confused frown etch onto mine.  
>"All...i wanted...was your...help, Winchester." He gasped out finally, his body moving violently with the heavy breaths. "Don't...look like...you actually...care...anymore..."<br>My eyes widened, my breath coming out almost as ragged as his and i opened my mouth to retort back only to snap it shut again. He was right. Why did i care so much now when i had spent the last 5 years making his life a living hell? But I still did.  
>The grip on my collar tightened and i could feel myself being dragged backwards by Zachariah – Luc in his other hand – yet my eyes stayed on Cas, his name leaving my lips in a whisper as his frame relaxed, laying his face back down onto the cold floor.<p>

I left the school not too long after that – still fighting the urge to be sick as the image of Cas replayed in my head – with my hands buried deep inside my pockets. I was going to be expelled; i knew that. Suspended, if I was lucky. The principle having gone home for the day was lucky enough – Zachariah telling Luc and I to be in that office first thing tomorrow morning – so i didn't like my chances for anymore good graces.  
>I skipped a few steps up the stairs when i got home, dumping my things quickly as i banged on Kaz's bedroom door. The girls were still pissed about the Coke thing i knew and Jo would never forgive me so it was left to time to let her anger fizzle out. Kaz was another matter. No doubt both of the girls would already have heard every detail about the lockers from Cas which didn't help my cause. This was one battle however i was willing to walk into. I had to make this right.<br>"Kaz's not here" A small voice squeaked from the other side and i rolled my eyes.  
>I pushed the door open slowly, holding out the small stuffed bear and block of chocolate in front of me, narrowly dodging the remote that zoomed past my head.<br>"Hey you got good aim, you should be on the team" i commented, narrowly ducking the shoe that flew at me this time. Kaz glared from her bed. "Sorry, i guess i kinda deserved that."  
>"Kinda?"<br>"Well...actually, yes i deserved that. A lot." I shrugged, noticing the pile of clothes that were slowly piling up on my sisters' bed. "Where's Jo? And where are you going?"  
>"Jo's grabbing some things before she comes over to get ready." She snapped. "You know, since Cas is out of the question it's just going be us hanging out with Bela…and Ash."<br>_Mental note: Kill the boy later._  
>"Wait, you threw the remote?" i smiled in spite of myself. "What happened to you hating violence and Jo being the one that threw crap at me?"<br>"She would have thrown something bigger" Kaz growled as she looked up from her laptop, gesturing over the encyclopaedia set beside her bed. Yeah, couldn't argue with that logic.  
>"I don't want to talk to you, Dean" she continued, disappearing back into her wardrobe with a huff.<br>"Kaz" i sighed, falling onto the floor beside her bed. "Come on, i even went out to buy you chocolate and a bear to cheer you up. It's cute right? I'm a guy and all so i don't really know but i guessed so..."  
>Kaz looked at me sceptically as i trailed off. Still glaring, she took the things from my hands, eyes never leaving me as she began to nibble at the chocolate.<br>"You can't bribe me, you know?" she added quickly.  
>"It was worth a try." I joked, tiny smile on my face. "Listen, I'm sorry for what they did today. The team. They know not to mess with you usually"<br>"But it's okay to do it to Cas right? No one has to suck up and apologize to him?" There was a hint of malice behind her tone and i was an idiot if i didn't expect it.  
>"Bela told Jo and I about the lockers." She added.<br>"He's not my problem, He's not my family" i said stiffly and Kaz tensed as she stopped her pacing. Shit, bad thing to say. Bad mouth, shit.  
>"He was your best friend Dean." Kaz growled, moving away from me slightly.<br>"So? He's a fag." Shit! Mouth, shut the fuck up! Not helping 'angry-Kaz'!  
>Kaz moved away from me entirely, shouting now. "That's just it! You don't care Dean!"<br>"How the hell would you know?"  
>"Cause i see the way you two look at each other!"<br>"What?" I choked slightly. "What is that supposed to mean?"  
>"Those glances at each other during class? The look on your face when you and those Neanderthals do something terrible to him? You think i don't see that? You're my brother Dean!"<br>"That's insane!"  
>"You're 'friends' may be too dumb to see it but I'm not!" Kaz hissed, coming close and pointing a finger in my face. "You may be a jerk, picking on him even on his weakest days of the year but he still saved your ass today and countless times before that! You could do the same once in a while!"<br>I froze. "What do you mean 'saved my ass today' Kaz?"  
>"Cas got you and Luc out of trouble. Said you were innocent. That you found him like that and tried to help him. He supposedly can't remember or didn't see who did it. Zachariah called to tell me that you didn't have to go to him tomorrow. Why do you think mum's not home right now, kicking your ass for getting expelled or suspended?"<br>I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "W-why would he do that?"  
>Kaz turned her glare back to me and i shifted uncomfortably.<br>"Cause he still cares about you, even with the shit you guys put him through. And for the love of god, I don't know why." Kaz huffed angrily. "He won't admit that he does just like you won't but you two do actually care."  
>"Yeah, right" i scoffed<br>"You owe him Dean!"  
>"I don't owe that fag shit!" i yelled, getting up close in my sisters face. I hissed, grabbing my stinging cheek, Kaz's glare murderous.<br>First slap i ever got in my life from a girl and it was from my supposed non-violent sister.  
>"You're disgusting" Kaz hissed lowly, eyes on me. "You torture him on Anna's anniversary and birthday and you think that is fair? Bravo, Dean. Really. I mean it. You really are a jerk."<br>I backed down, still holding my cheek as my face fell. The picture in Cas' locker, the image of the girl flashed in my mind, the smile on her face teasing me now. I wanted to be sick all over again.  
>Anna.<br>Castiel's real family. His sister.  
>"You forgot about Anna, didn't you?" Kaz whispered, tone laced with awe and disgust as she shook her head at me. "You two really forgot each other huh?"<br>"When...?" I tried.  
>"Anna died November 27th. Her birthday would have been about 3 weeks ago." Kaz sighed. "Why do you think Cas always looks defeated those days Dean? He doesn't have the emotional energy to fight back. He was 11 when it happened. You should know, you held him together, remember? You were standing right next to him at the funeral, holding onto his hand for dear life. That's why he looks at you like that. He expected sympathy from you only twice a year. He expected you to remember."<br>I couldn't handle it, the room was beginning to feel too small and i stood quickly, muttering out a small 'sorry again about today.'  
>I began to leave, feeling Kaz's eyes practically burning holes in my back as i walked.<br>"He left this for you." Kaz said suddenly and i looked at her over my shoulder. She had her hand out, the small object lying on her palm.  
>A silver wing necklace.<br>My chest tightened as i looked at it, fingertips brushing over it but i was too scared to take it from her. I knew that necklace anywhere.  
>I had been barely 6 at the time, just before school had started and like always i was practically living in Cas' room with all our sleepovers. I smiled widely at Cas one time, the two of us devouring the food his mother had brought up for us. Anna was on the bed as we sat on the floor in front of her, the elder girl too engrossed in her comic book to pay attention to us as she waited for her best friend Balthzar.<br>Cas had tilted his head – a very Cas move even now – at the mention of a best friend before his eyes moved to me. "Do you think…that we could be best friends Dean?"  
>I mimicked him, a small smile on my face. "I think we are. Anna, are we best friends?"<br>"Yeah, yeah. Of course guys" she agreed quickly, not really paying attention as she messed Cas' hair affectionately. Cas smiled up at her before turning the grin to me for a moment before I frowned.  
>"What do best friends do? Are we supposed to give each other something? My mum told me that when my dad asked her to marry him, he gave her a ring."<br>"I don't know if it works the same," Cas mumbled, playing with the hem of his shirt. "I gave you that wristband Anna and I made before. So I guess you're supposed to give me something so we know we're best friends."  
>I bit my lip, little smile on my face as i shoved my hand deep into my pocket. Tugging on Cas' sleeve, he looked up at me, eyes moving to the necklace in my hand.<br>"But that's your favourite, Dean. I can't take that." he said, wide eyed but i pressed it into his hand anyway.  
>"i know," I smiled. "And you can."<br>Cas leaned in and kissed my cheek swiftly and i sat back on my heels, fingers reaching up slowly to touch the soft tingling spot on my cheek.  
>"Thank you Dean" he grinned widely.<br>I pulled myself out of my memories quickly. Kaz hadn't moved, her face looking like she was worried I'd either snap or run if she did. I touched the small yellow post-it taped around the chain. The neat scrawl was still recognisable even after all these years. His writing had never changed much.  
><em>Winchester,<br>Found this in a cleanup with the girls the other day. I thought you should have it back. Burn it, destroy it if you want, throw it away. I don't care. Shouldn't mean much anymore, right?  
>- Cas.<br>_"Fuck." I swore, hands closing around the necklace tightly as i screwed up the letter, dropping it back onto my sister's bed, eyes still glued to it. Kaz could obviously see the questions on my face.  
>"He's transferring." She whispered, a certain ferocity still behind her voice but i couldn't look away from the necklace. "St Andrews, two hours away...says he isn't safe here anymore. I guess you guys are finally going to get your wish, huh Dean?"<br>I let out a soft shaky breath.  
><em>Then why doesn't it feel like it, Kaz...<br>_

I tucked my hands deeper into my pockets, my hoodie covering most of my face as i walked. True to her previous words, Cas really had gotten Luc and i out of trouble – as a very cocky and happy Luc had called to tell me – but that did nothing but worsen my mood and confuse me even more. We were horrible to him. We hurt and tortured him daily even on Anna's anniversary – something i was still angry at myself for forgetting for some reason – and we were getting off free? Why?  
>Not that i was really protesting or complaining.<br>My feet seems to know where i was going before i did, my eyes widening as i caught sight of the house i was currently standing in the driveway of.  
>Castiel's.<br>Well, Cas' old house technically. From vague memories I could recall my sister saying something about him moving, yet to where I hadn't cared at the time. His old place hadn't changed much and my stomach churned remembering that the last time Cas and I had been in that house together, he and I were the best friends not Luc and I. My hand tightened on the necklace in my pocket.  
>It was already dark out and i pulled my coat around me further as i shuddered against the cold. Turning my back on the old place, i began to walk away –the sick feeling returning to my stomach – when a slow metallic groan caught my attention. My eyes narrowed on the figure at the park across the road – the place not making me feel much better than the house did.<br>Cas had his dark beanie pulled on tightly underneath the hood of his jacket, not paying attention to his surroundings and i watched silently as he sat on the swing, head resting on the chains staring at a photo in his hands. Every so often he'd push off with a red converse, keeping the swing moving barely. The swings were old and rusted, creaking at every move and yet with Cas there it was almost heart breaking.  
><em>Heart breaking? Really? Some badass you are...man up Dean. It's only Novak...God; you've been spending too much time with your sister and Jo...<em>  
>I sighed and turned to move on as i heard the sharp intake of breath and the rustling noise as Cas dragged his foot through the bark and dead leaves, stopping his motion. I put my hands up in surrender quickly, knowing that having some guy in a hoodie watching him in the middle of the playground at the middle of the night would freak Cas the fuck out. Normal reaction.<br>"Relax, it's just me."  
>"Winchester?" Cas stood quickly, taking a step back as the photograph fell out of his hands. I smiled slightly beneath my hood at the photograph of Cas and I before he picked it up, shoving it into his pocket roughly. Even in the dim light i could see the white bandages around Cas' knuckles and the tips of his fingers, most already flecked with red. Cas took another step back, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets with a slight glare.<em><br>Of course he's scared of you..._My mind snapped_. Look what you and your friends did to him.  
><em>I ignored the war going on in my head, pulling my hood back. "What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"  
>"Couldn't sleep." Cas mumbled, watching my warily as i sat down on the swing beside his. "I could ask you the same question."<br>"And I'd give you the same answer" i said softly and Cas sat back down slowly with a nod, facing the opposite way i was. I pushed off as he relaxed, swinging barely. "I thought you didn't live there anymore?"  
>"I don't" he said shortly.<br>I sighed, expected that answer. "You know I'm actually sorry about today, right?"  
>I saw him shudder obviously, whispering out a soft "Sorry i was a jerk about it"<br>"I was the jerk" i mumbled. "Always have been. I'm the one picking on you even on Anna's-"  
>I stopped as Cas flinched at the name.<br>"So you remembered then? He managed.  
>"Only after Kaz laid into me." I admitted quietly. "For a girl who doesn't like violence she can slap pretty hard. I remembered after she said i was a jerk for doing the things i do even on An-her days."<br>Cas nodded slightly.  
>"Listen, I'm sorry" I whispered. "Two days a year is the least i owe you to get away from us"<br>"If you hadn't noticed, i don't exactly hide" Cas said and i strained to hear him.  
>"Why is that?"<br>Cas' eyes jumped to me, clearly not expecting me to have heard him as his eyes darted away. "It's nothing...I didn't mean it like that."  
>"Yes, you did. You didn't mean for me to hear it. I know you." I corrected. "...Cas?"<br>"It's dumb, I don't need you to tell me i need help or tease me or remind me of how crazy i am." He shrugged, eyes to the floor but he sighed feeling my eyes still on him. "It's just...when she...passed away, i dunno. You were my best friend. You held me together after it all. I guess being around you i can pretend that we're friends still, that the shoves and jokes at my expense are just mucking around. The dumpster dives and beatings that i usually get just bring me back to reality for the rest of the day." Cas groaned, dropping his face into his bandaged hands. "God, i sound insane and pathetic."  
>"Yeah, you do." I whispered, "But I'm sorry it comes to that. You're actually an alright guy, getting me and Luc out of trouble like that. I don't get it...but thanks."<br>"Luc would have made my life worse than it is now." Cas shrugged, hugging himself around his middle.  
>"Still doesn't explain me" I blurted out, regretting it as a small frown skidded onto Cas' face as he looked at me from the corner of his eye.<br>"I hate you, despite the...you know, anniversary thing. You broke a promise, we were kids when we made it but i still believed in it, still do. Even so, you don't hurt me physically as much as the other guys do. Sure, the beatings, you shove a lot, a punch maybe once but the way you nod to warn me from down the hall before i get slammed into a locker or offer help after a dive but..." Cas sighed, voice trailing off. "Twice a year i pretend you're my friend because i need it but i can't ever really forget the past 5 years, Winchester. Right now i hate you just as much as you hate me."  
>My chest flared. "I don't...hate you. It's just-"<br>"Just what, Winchester?" he cut me off but not angrily. "You hate me because I'm gay and if you're telling me you don't you have an odd way of showing it."  
>The dirt on my shoes became suddenly fascinating and i saw Cas stand and start to walk away from the corner of my eye.<br>"You know what is strange?" i asked suddenly, keeping my back to him as i fished the wing necklace out of my pocket. I held it out in front of me, turning it in my hands as i looked at it, sure that Cas could see it too. There was a rustle of bark and dead leaves as i heard Cas take a step back closer.  
>"I was really thinking of burning this. Throwing it away, getting rid of it" i said, half to myself. "I mean, i wanted to. It was our thing back then. Now we 'hate' each other."<br>"So why didn't you?" Cas' voice was soft and i smiled slightly.  
>"I dunno" i whispered with my eyes still on it. "I meant what i said Cas. I don't hate you. We might not be 'friends' like we used to but you're not exactly an enemy. I'd like to think you would have told me about St Andrews. Why you chose to leave now."<br>I could hear Cas sigh deeply behind me. "Tell my bully that i was leaving? Didn't think he'd care. God, Dean, why do you think I'm leaving?"  
>"I can be less of a jerk, you know? No more lockers or small spaces. We'll keep away from you on her days if you slip a note in my locker or something." I retorted a bit too quickly, tucking the necklace back into my hoodie pocket. "You and I can be ...we can be civil, kinda. I won't be like i used to but i can give you a break now and then."<br>_Where the hell did that come from?  
><em>"That's just it; things can't be that way and stay the same. Not at Handover. Imagine it. What would your team do when one of their own, not to mention their captain started being nice to me, the school homo?" Cas whispered out. "They'd torture you and you know it. You'd never put your rep or spot in Handover at risk."  
>"Please, i run that school. No one would mess with me" i scoffed.<br>"Yes they would." He said and I shrugged, indifferent – my back still to Cas.  
>"Do you have any idea how fucking weird any of this sounds coming out of your mouth right now?" he continued and i resisted snapping back an angry 'you have no idea.'<br>There was a deep sigh, "It wasn't the lockers thing, you know? That just finalised it. It's the slurs, the getting beaten up, the dumpster dives, the shoves, the graffiti on my lockers, the trips as i pass and the moved chairs. Mostly it's the disgusted glares i get for just being myself. At the end of the day, I'm miserable at Handover..."  
>"Why wouldn't you leave?" i finished, eyes on my shoes, quiet for a moment. I twisted suddenly, the chains of the swing crossing as i moved to face him. He was closer than i thought but neither of us made an attempt to move as i looked up at him. "It will be better there then? St Andrews?"<br>"Yes," he whispered, bandaged hands burying deeper into his pockets. "It's got stricter rules on bullying and discrimination. A safe environment or so i am told."  
>"And your friends?" i interrupted.<br>"That's not fair, Winchester." Cas said quickly and his eyes snapped up to my face. "You know I'm going to miss the friends I have like hell."  
>"You've always been the stronger one, Cas. Why are you running away now?" i demanded quietly and shook my head. "There's something you're not saying, someone you're trying to protect."<br>"Protect?"  
>My anger flared. Who did Cas take me for? I knew he shouldn't be having this affect on me. All this rage, a hint of nausea. I couldn't help it. My hands tightened on the chain of the swing, knuckles turning white. I may not have been his friend in years but there were things i didn't forget. One being that Cas was no fool, he knew exactly what I was talking about.<br>"Please, I know...knew you. You wouldn't be doing this if it didn't affect someone else and I'm guessing it's not the girls. By the look on your face i can tell it's someone mildly important. Not as important as the girls but closer than Ash or any of your other friends. You got someone important." I said finally.  
>"I got a friend who will make your life hell one way or another when he finds out. I rather he not get killed." Cas nodded softly and i could feel my chest begin to tighten even more. More anger i guessed. Running away for some dude? That wasn't the Cas i used to know.<br>"So what? He wanted to play the white knight? Protect you from us big bad jocks?" i scoffed. "You're moving to some pretty ass, private school to protect your little boyfriend? Really Cas?"  
>"Why do you care?" he snapped, a slight fire behind his eyes. "You tease and bully me for years and now you care that I'm leaving?"<br>"I don't" i growled. "I'm doing this for my sister."  
>"So what? I stay, your sister has her friend and you have your punching bag?"<br>"I told you I'd help you!" i hissed, taking a step forward, both of us ignoring the fact there were only a few inches between us. I may have been taller than Cas but at the moment, i had never felt smaller.  
>"Your definition of help hasn't really in anything good before has it?" Cas retort, edging closer. "I'm safe at Winsor and your sister will no longer be a target at Handover. I won't have to be aware every second in the hallways for someone about to push me or run to class every morning late after a dumpster dive.<br>"And you'll protect your boyfriend." I sneered the word. "Little fucking rainbow dream huh? Bet it will be all you ever wanted right Cas?"  
>"Yes, because I will finally be away from you." Cas growled through clenched teeth,<em><br>Um...ouch...that actually...kinda...hurt?_  
>My face – and chest – fell as i took a step back, falling back onto the seat of the swing. A hint of remorse showed on Cas's face but he said nothing. I threw my 'jock-defences' back up, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. One hand tightened around the necklace. "Of course. I was just being a stupid 'Neanderthal' thinking that you'd trust me with our history."<br>"Our past few years of history have been bullying and violence Winchester." He pointed out. "I didn't believe it to begin with but Jo's right, you are bipolar. One minute, you and your friends are dumpster diving me and throwing me into lockers and now you're telling me to trust you? Like after all these years we're suddenly friends again?"  
>"Listen, take or leave my help, i don't give a fuck but I tell you now, if my sister comes home and tell me you've transferred." I warned, moving so that we were standing unbearably close – not that either of us were paying attention. "I will drag you faggy ass back to Handover. You got it?"<br>I smirked, pulling my hood back up to cover my face as i knocked my way past Cas.  
>"Why do you really care about what happens to me?" he shouted behind me but i smirked wider as i kept walking away.<br>"That's just it Novak..." i forced a laugh. " I don't..."  
><em>...fucking know...i don't fucking know...and i hate it...<em>

**a/n: and theres chapter 2! **

**Ohhh Deano. What's going on in that little messed up head of yours..and points for john Winchester being the most awesome dad for naming his kid after a car hahaha don't worry Sammy will be making an apperence very soon! Sorry he hasn't so far guys**

**Tell me what you think if you want. Hope you guys like it! 3**

**Eden xoxox**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: whoo, chapter 3! Hope you guys have like it so far :D**

CHAPTER THREE - Cas -

I turned the headlights of the car off as soon as I pulled in the back alley, dragging the cover over the hood and locked the garage behind me. The streets were lined with people but even in the slightly lit back alley, I didn't trust a single person when it came to the car. The damn thing had cost me years of pay to buy but it was a necessity.  
>I was hardly in any mood to go through the front of the bar, the owner Bobby Singer an old friend for as long as I had been born. His 23 year old son, Balthazar being Anna's best friend back in the day also helped. To the Singer family I was as close to family as they could get without being related by blood. Half the time I think Bobby did see me as blood. After Anna had died, the Singer family basically became my own and when my parents died last year...Well, It wasn't like Luc and his father were about to adopt me. I was in the Singer family's debt forever. They kept a roof over my head, food on my plate. They kept me safe. Like I said, to them I was family, blood or not.<br>I glanced around quickly, pulling down the fire ladder against the side of the building as quietly as I could, the window speaking open slightly as I slid through. I froze as the lights flickered on, ducking my head sheepishly as I heard a small huff behind me.  
>"I know you don't want to see that old grump but is it really necessary you come through the window every time?" The feminie voice scolded and I resisted rolling my eyes as I kissed her cheek, smirking at the little smile that spread.<br>"Sorry mum. I know dad means best but I'm not in the mood for the 'how's school' talk tonight."  
>"Looking like that, I'm not surprised." Jody sighed, touching my cheek softly. "that Winchester boy again?"<br>"Of course." I smiled softly, the 'duh' on the end being left unsaid.  
>Jody Singer was my second mother in a way, marrying Bobby just after I had met him at the age of 3. She had been around as long as I could remember, somehow managing to lessen Balthazar's troublemaker behaviour. Then again, having such a respectable little brother like 16 year old Joshua, someone in the Singer family had to act out. I never minded Jody's mothering behaviour so much, not that I would ever admit that to her. Although I could see her secretly light up when I called her or Bobby 'mum' or 'dad.' She shook her head softly, opting not to say anything as she tucked a strand behind her ear, dark brown eyes still on me.<br>"How's he been today?" I said quickly, large smile on my face and I could see Jody smile fondly at my eagerness.  
>"He's been great. Been asking for you most of the day though. It's easy to see who his favourite is" she smiled.<br>"Can I see him?" I spoke softly, Jody by my side as I quickened my pace towards the spare bedroom.  
>"He's asleep at the moment, Cassie." She tried, sighing deeply when she saw my face.<br>"Come on, I haven't seen him all day. And I've had Winchester to deal with. Come on, a little sympathy…" I pleaded, tiny smirk threatening to show as I saw Jody begin to cave.  
>"Fine but you're looking after him if he's in a bad mood." She huffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm needed back downstairs at the bar. You okay up her by yourself?"<br>"I'm fine," I promised. "I'll call if I need anything, okay?"  
>Jody seemed to be satisfied with my answer, pecking a quick kiss on my cheek as she descended the stairs slowly. See? Mothering. But I loved her for it.<br>"Hey Adam." I breathed as I sat down beside him on the small bed, trying not to wake him as I smoothed back the hair from his forehead. His large blue coloured eyes flickered open slowly, a hand coming up to rub them sleepily.  
>"Cas?" Adam's little smile widened as he saw me, reaching out. Not that I would admit it but I melted completely, pulling onto my lap in a tight hug. Yeah, I was a 17 year old gay kid, who not only was adopted and lived in a bedroom on top of a bar but also had a 3 year old brother to look after. To be honest though, it didn't bother me.<br>"How's my favourite little guy today?"  
>Adam just shrugged out a quiet 'sleepy' as he buried his head into my shoulder.<br>"You cold?" I asked quietly, noticing the thick gold and black scarf around his neck finally, no doubt something he had 'acquired' from my room.  
>"A bit" He yawned finally, shifting in my arms.<br>"I'll get Mum to bring up some more blankets, okay?" I kissed the top of his head softly, his blond hair tickling my nose. I had been told he was a mirror image of me at that age but with dad's blonde hair but I could see the hint of Anna in him, the thin nose, the large doe eyes. I think that made me love him even more if it was possible. I laid back against the headboard, the bed hardly fitting the two of us and I tugged the blanket up to cover him as he curled against my chest.  
>"Love you Adam." I whispered, feeling as his breaths became slower and deeper as he fell asleep. Yeah, Adam was all I had left and it was a crap thing for a seventeen year old to have so much responsibility considering most teenagers at Handover couldn't take care of their own life let alone a toddler as well. But you know what? I still wouldn't have traded him for the world.<p>

"You look like shit," Isaac commented the next day, cigarette held precariously between his fingers in front of my face. "Can't leave you for a couple of hours before you crash anymore, eh?"  
>I leant forward, inhaling the smoke deeply from the cigarette in his hand before I laid back against the roof. I chose not to say anything, Isaac raising a brow as he took another breath of smoke.<br>"That bad?"  
>"Don't act like you don't know what happened." I growled, covering my eyes with my arm.<br>"Oh, I did. Not sure I believe them considering the close following rumour that you bailed Winchester and Dell out of trouble too." I didn't look at him, not daring to move a muscle. Apparently that was all Isaac needed. "So it's true then? You're an enigma, mate."  
>"Yeah, well I don't understand it either." I breathed, sitting up only to steal the almost wasted cigarette from his lips. "I just -"<br>I shut up quickly, looking away as Isaac pulled his ringing phone from his pocket.  
>"Can you call back later? This isn't a good..." Isaac says into his phone quickly, sighing as he paused. "I see. Yeah, yeah. By lunch. Fine. Bye."<br>I couldn't help but smirk as he snapped his phone shut, running a hand through his already messy hair. I pass him a new lit cigarette, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he took it.  
>"So, I should have total update about everything in the next 10 minutes. Not that you have any interest in protecting my non-existent virtue, but I'm offering some payback on the responsible parties."<br>"No revenge, Isaac. I mean it." I whispered out. "These jerks aren't worth it."  
>"That's a matter of opinion, mate. Who else would put up with me except you? Can't lose my only associate, can I?" Isaac murmured quietly.<br>"Is this your unemotional way of saying we're friends Isaac?" I teased, stealing the cigarette from his lips again.  
>"You say anything and I will deny every word" He said, a slight smile tugging at his lips.<br>"Novak!" a voice called out and I jumped slightly, expecting Bela or at the very least Kaz. My eyes narrowed as I saw Dean below us, hands shoved deep into his pockets. I had almost missed the flash of a wing necklace around his neck. Almost.  
>"What the hell do you want, Winchester?" I glared, sensing Isaac shift beside me, frame tense. "And secondly, how the hell did you find me anyway?"<br>"Threatened some freshmen." He shrugged a shoulder. "We need to talk."  
>"Sorry to disappoint you Mr Winchester but unlike, you know, those people you associate with, our world does not revolve around you." Isaac snapped, flicking the now dead cigarette butt onto the grass in front of Dean. "He'll talk to you when he wants to."<br>Dean's eyes moved from me to Isaac quickly, eyes narrowed as he spoke. "So you're the white knight wannabe boyfriend? Figures."  
>"Name's Isaac." He smirked, over extenuating a bow. "Pleasure, Mr Winchester."<br>"How do you-" Dean started, Isaac's smirk growing as I barked out a laugh, although his eyes didn't stray from Dean.  
>"Letterman jacket, rugged bad boy look, give them hell attitude and permanent glare. It's not hard to guess who you are Dean Winchester." Isaac stated bluntly. "Seems your reputation does precede you."<br>Dean's eyes flickered to me before he glared back at Isaac. "You should know Handover has a certain order. Things work differently here from whatever shithole you moved in from."  
>"I know more about the pecking order of Handover than you could ever hope to." Isaac retorted smugly. "And I've been a student here for ages. Just because you're too good to notice the losers like us, does not mean we exist any less. Might wanna be careful. We losers know a lot more things than you give us credit for, Mr Winchester."<br>I let out a sound, much like a groan of horror, "Isaac..."  
>"Just a warning. Take it or leave it." Dean hissed. "And my name's Dean, not Mr Winchester."<br>"Noted" Isaac shrugged although i could see him raise a brow as did i when Dean looked at me, eyes flickering to Isaac.  
>"I'll talk to you later, Novak."<br>Isaac huffed beside me as he looked from Dean to I and back again. I accepted the cigarette from him wordlessly, Isaac leaning forward lazily to get a better look of Dean from the roof.  
>"Civility with Cas, Dean? Might wanna watch that. People will start to question." Isaac sung, his voice wavering off as he smirked wider. Isaac dropped off the roof, landing on his feet easily, and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. I slid off the roof quickly, taking up a place standing beside him. Dean spun around to face Isaac, saying nothing.<br>"Don't give me that look" Isaac scoffed. "You two haven't been friends in years. Yesterday you were throwing him in dumpsters. Now look at you."  
>"Guess you know everything, don't you?" Dean challenged and Isaac snorted out a small chuckle.<br>"Most," he allowed. "There's still one thing I'm not so sure of...how far in the closet you really are. Your blatant…how should I put it… abhor for girls at Handover is starting to show through more than ever Dean. Wouldn't let that slip around those associates of yours."  
>Dean moved before i could react, his hands grabbing the collar of Isaac's hoodie, slamming him into the wall of the gym. "I'm not a fag like you!"<br>"Just a fag like Cas then?" Isaac challenged with a smug grin and i could see Dean's grip tighten. "The big proud hockey jock got a crush on the resident gay kid?"  
>"Isaac, stop it" i growled out as i placed a tight hand on Dean's wrist. "He's trying to wind you up, Dean. Let it go."<br>"Yesterday scared you, Dean" Isaac continued, his grin widening. Isaac had always been strange like that. "I don't think you were worried about the fact you could have been expelled. I think you were genuinely worried about him. Nevertheless, I'm here to stay. You can go along with your little civil façade, that's none of my concern. You mess with him though. You wouldn't be a happy, popular guy much longer. Understand?"  
>"You going to push me against a locker? Try and beat me up? I'll like to see you even try." Dean snapped out. "And in case you haven't noticed, Cas is his own person. He's not your property."<br>"I know that." Isaac smirked. "Do you?"  
>"Isaac." I whispered, venom lacing my tone. "You can't get into any more trouble. Drop it."<br>"Who gives a fuck about Juvie" he hissed under his breath quickly.  
>"Relax, I'm not trying to steal the little homo from you," Dean muttered, releasing his collar but not before pushing him into the wall once again roughly. "We got an assignment together, that's it. If being nice to him gets me a good mark and my sister off my back then so be it. No need to over think things, creep"<br>"Creep? So original." Isaac smirked, stealing the cigarette from my fingertips as he made himself comfortable against the wall. "Walk on, Dean. If you didn't notice, we aren't in class right now."  
>Dean's glare finally relaxed but barely. "Guess I was right. He is a dick, Novak."<br>My mouth fell open slightly, ignoring the wide, smug grin on Isaacs face as he clambered back up on the roof as Dean left. My retorts were caught in my throat and it wasn't until Dean was out of sight that i could feel like i could move again. I turned sharply, slapping Isaac up the back of the head as soon as I was seated on the roof beside him.  
>"What the hell, mate?"<br>"I think i should be the one saying that, don't you think?" i whispered harshly.  
>"Can you honestly say you weren't wondering half those things?" Isaac asked smugly. "I didn't think so. Relax mate, the guy's a pillock."<br>I froze for a minute, a smirk tugging at my lips, "Did you really just call someone a 'pillock' Isaac?"  
>My laughter was cut short by the sharp punch to my shoulder.<p>

I ran into class as the bell went, Isaac laughing behind me as we stumbled into class. I slunk into my seat behind the girls, all three of them staring at Isaac at the front of the room as he talked with Zachariah quietly. I smirked, trying desperately not to laugh as he winked at me over their heads, the girls smiling just a little wider.  
>"Angel boy, who is that and why haven't we been introduced?" Bela turned, tapping my knee to grab my attention. "He's fine."<br>I burst out laughing, trailing off at Bela's glare. "Sorry…but…Bela, that's Isaac."  
>"Called it! Pay up bitches!" Jo laughed and my grin grew in disbelief as Bela and Kaz groaned, handing over a 20 dollar note each. Jo shrugged at me as she caught my eyes, fanning herself with the money. "What? We had a bet where you were disappearing to at lunch the past 3 days. I knew the only other person you would even consider hanging with besides the three of us was Isaac. Never met him but I remember Bela talking about him. Plus the rumour that he's on team gay"<br>"Almost all the good people are on team gay." Kaz added.  
>"Thanks you two," I rolled my eyes. "Just leave my friend alone, okay?"<br>"Hold up!" Bela squealed, catching the attention of most of the music class and i tried to hush them quickly. I could see Isaac smirk as he watched us from the corner of his eye, still talking to Zachariah. Smug bastard.  
>"Ow!" I jumped, clutching my arm. "What the hell, Bela?"<br>"Why were we not informed of tall, pale and handsome before? Gay or not, as your friends we want to know all your eye candy / potential boyfriends. As one of your closest friends I deserve to be informed when people we know get hot!" she quirked a brow. I rolled my eyes as Kaz nodded besides her adding a small 'preach.'  
>"Cause i knew you'd react like this." I said truthfully. "He's just my friend."<br>"Heard that before" Bela smirked, Kaz nodding along as Bela smirked. "You should totally get with that, Angel boy."  
>"And you wonder why he didn't tell you?" Jo said, taking the words out of my mouth as she sat back into her chair with her arms folded. "Come on, everyone knows that you two are hopeless romantics."<br>I smirked then, "Tell me about it."  
>"Like you aren't mister," Kaz teased as she swivelled in her chair to face the front.<br>"We'll talk about this tomorrow night" Bela promised, pointing a finger at me. "You are expected at Kaz's place at 7. I'd say mine but dad's got business people over. Boring as hell."  
>"Hey, wasn't this a 'cheer up Bela' thing for you and me?" I retorted, shrinking as she narrowed her eyes.<br>"Well now it's a 'bug Cas all night' group thing." She smirked and faced the front. "Now hush, Angel boy. The girls and I have planning to do."  
>I sunk back into my seat with a roll of my eyes, arms across my chest. "Great..."<br>"Juvie, huh?"  
>I jumped in my seat at the voice, having a mini heart attack. Dean smirked, sliding into the chair beside me.<br>"Didn't know guys like that were your types," he continued.  
>"How would you know 'my type' Winchester? Better question yet is why you would even care?" I retorted quickly. "Besides, everyone has some good in them. Some people can change."<br>"Even me?"  
>My eyes widened as I turned to look at him. "Maybe in some alternate universe."<br>Dean smirked but shrugged slightly. "So what'd the white knight do?"  
>"That's really none of your business is it?" I snapped and kept my eyes on him. Stupid ass, I wanted to hit that cocky grin off his face. My fists balled in my lap. "Why are you even talking to me? There are people around. Won't those friends of yours disown you or something?"<br>"Please, I rule those guys and you know it." He scoffed. "I was serious, you know? About the two of us being civil. You notice the lack of a dumpster dive this morning?"  
>"So that was you." My eyebrows rose as Dean grinned smugly. "Why?"<br>"I told you-"  
>"For Jo and Kaz. I know." I interrupted. "You really think I believe that?"<br>"Why else would i do it?" he asked, leaning back in his seat.  
>"I don't know" i said truthfully, my eyes never leaving him. "That's what worries me."<br>"You can relax. For once I'm not doing this to be a jerk to you."  
>"Or so you say" Dean's gaze snapped back to me as i faced the front and i ignored him muttering something about being 'such a little bitch' under his breath. I barely noticed Isaac sit on my other side as he slung and arm over the back of my chair, he and Dean glaring at each other over my head.<br>"Who'd you get paired with Isaac?" Dean said finally, the cocky smirk still on his face as he added a quick, "I mean, you know, considering I got Cas."  
>Isaac's smile faltered at the double meaning that i missed but i could feel as he stiffened beside me. "No one actually. I'm going to be stealing your partner a bit. Sorry to disappoint you, Dean but he is toping the course and I could use his help on a few things. "<br>"He's busy," Dean cut in, stopping whatever i was about to say. "You know Cas. Football, the girls, our assignment together. Pretty time consuming. You're a big boy. I'm sure you can do an assignment without him there to sit and hold your hand."  
>"I'll come by when i can, won't kill us to do some work on the roof during lunch." I told Isaac, a sigh escaping my lips as i turned to Dean. "And you don't need my help. We've split the task half and half, you don't need my help for that"<br>"What if I do? You want good marks right?" he said smugly, a smirk embedded on his face.  
>I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, "I'll get your number off Jo or Kaz and call you on the weekend. I have plans Saturday."<br>"As does everyone. It's Lisa's birthday party. What about tonight?" Dean said.  
>"Busy." I hissed through my teeth, ignoring the chuckle Isaac was stifling. Dean didn't give up.<br>"Tomorrow night then?" He asked, Kaz turning sharply in her chair to slap his leg.  
>"He's with us." She grinned, sharing a look with Jo and Bela that scared me. "And you and Luc have Halo."<br>"Still the same house," i grimaced. "You and Luc just keep your gaming thing in your room and I'll attempt to keep the girls in theirs. Hopefully no one should die."  
>"Yeah, <em>should<em>" Bela grinned. "But you, Angel boy. We girls have plenty planned for you."  
>I grimaced, slightly scared as they shared a wide smirk. "Great..."<p>

I sat at the bar, fingers playing over the rim of my shot glass. A fake ID wasn't really an issue when you lived with the people owned the bar and letting a 17 year old in may have been bad for business but to the Singer family, it was family that kept the place running and it was family that would be allowed in.  
>I skulled the shot glass quickly, ignoring the burning in my throat as I motioned vaguely for another.<br>"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" A voice chuckled quickly, the person setting the shot glass down in front of me as my head snapped up. Balthazar was smirking slightly, head tilted to the side. He had long blonde coloured hair like his mother that was spiked up in its normal messy array, his eyes glued to me. It wasn't really a secret that and most of the girls at school who had met Balthazar had a crush on him more than once in their life but to me, Balthazar was just like a brother. He may have only been older than me by a few years but Balthazar acted my age – barely- and unlike most people, he treated me like a human being and could actually carry a decent, civil conversation. Imagine that.  
>"You can close your mouth Cassie, it's not like I died or anything. Did a pretty good job of falling off the map though if i do say so myself." Balthazar teased; smirking as I rolled my eyes at the nickname he had given me practically my whole life. Balthazar rolled his eyes playfully, reaching out a hand as he closed my jaw himself.<br>I shook my head slightly with a smile. "What are you doing here man?"  
>"Giving you a heart attack apparently." Balthazar retorted smugly, falling onto one of the stools behind the bar. "I missed home and everyone way too much. God knows Dad needs help running this place. I expected to see you before now though."<br>"It's called school. Some of us didn't bomb out like you did." I teased lightly. "I also had to make some plans for Adam tomorrow night. Bela's having this get together and I didn't really want to leave him alone while mum worked." Balthazar smiled a little sadly, finally noticing the photo on the bar in front of me.  
>"I remember that day, you know? Anna and your mum bugging us to let them get at least one good photo of the four of us. You, me, Anna and that friend of yours." he whispered, resting his arms onto the bar. "Anna used to tease us all the time remember? Saying that you looked cute, pouting and all. She used to tell me constantly that I looked old, practically grimacing. Said I looked 18 rather than 14. At the time we hated them, right? Now I couldn't be paid enough if someone told me to get rid of them."<br>"I know the feeling." I nodded, running a tired hand down my face. "It lives on my bedside. Another one of my Mum and Dad on my desk. I wanted to throw them out, Never wanted to see those pictures again but I couldn't do that."  
>"This is still my favourite of her." Balthazar smiled, touching the picture with a hesitant finger as if he was scared it would burn and crumble away. "You know she'd turn around and kick my ass for giving you this stuff nowadays…but I get it."<br>I pocked the smokes from Balthazar's front shirt pocket quickly, lighting up one with the Zippo I had gotten from Balthazar for my last birthday. "No you don't get it."  
>"Yeah, I do." Balthazar said, trying to pull the alcohol bottle away from my hand. I tightened my grip, Balthazar rolling his eyes as I glared at him. "I get it Cassie, I do. But this isn't healthy. What would Anna say?"<br>"Nothing cause she's not here." I bit back, dropping my eyes. "Just leave me alone Balthazar."  
>"Cassie -"<br>"I said leave me the fuck alone Balthazar." My face fell into my hands, ashamed at my outburst. "I'm sorry, Balthazar. Just…go. Please."  
>Balthazar nodded slowly, leaving other bottle on the counter beside me without a word which I was thankful for. I lifted the cigarette to my lips, taking a deep drag as I ran my fingertips over Anna's picture in the middle again. Balthazar was right, she would be ashamed. Not that knowing that helped to improve my mood any. To be honest, it made it worse. I closed my eyes and sighed, exhaling the smoke.<br>Somehow, it had become a routine. School, come back to the bar, look after Adam, do homework, go to bed. On the bad days, coming down to sit at the counter with Bobby and Balthazar and order shots all night as I smoked the pack that Balthazar would hand over to me reluctantly with that mentor-big brother look who be thrown in there somewhere – Anna's birthday and anniversary being the only definite days.  
>Still, Balthazar would serve drinks, talking with me between customers before the bar finally closed at 3 am, Balthazar ordering me off to bed with a sad smile and the always predicted 'Just be careful Cassie' before I disappeared up the stairs.<br>"So this is your version of 'busy' huh? They damage your voice you know?" a familiar voice pointed out, slumping down into the seat beside me and i sighed, pressing the heel of my hand to my head.  
>"What the hell are you doing here Winchester?" I whispered weakly, looking at him from the corner of my eye.<br>"I could ask you the same thing." He said quickly, looking at me up and down. "What are you doing, Novak?"  
>"You're going to have to be more specific cause at the moment I have got a million things I wish I could forget about today." I smirked barely and Dean just shook his head sadly.<br>"You're in a bar, drinking and smoking. Hell, you're dressed in a pair of shit, ripped jeans. If that isn't unlike you, I don't know what is."  
>"So what? I'm too hetero for you now?" I hissed, raising a brow. "That's a fucking new one."<br>"Get up Novak, I'm taking you home."  
>I didn't bother to look up, downing another shot. "Fuck you.".<br>"I said," Dean repeated carefully, hauling me up from my stool by my shoulder. "I'm taking you home.".  
>"No. One, you're not my mother. Two, fuck you. Three, you don't even know where the fuck is home for me anymore." I hissed, yanking my arm out of his grasp as I sat back down roughly. I could see Balthazar watching us carefully from the corner of his eye.<br>"What do you think you're doing Novak?" Dean growled.  
>"I could ask you the same thing."<br>"I'm saving you from killing yourself" he snapped, grabbing my arm only for me to pull away roughly again. "What are you doing?"  
>"Killing myself," I snarled, lips curling as I stared at the empty shot glasses in front of me.<br>"Clearly." Dean rolled his eyes, looking between Balthazar and me as I signalled another round of shots from the elder boy.  
>"Come on, Cassie. You've had enough for one night." Balthazar tried, ignoring the look he got from Dean as he looked between us. "Listen to your friend. You need to go see Adam anyway."<br>"He is not my friend." I growled, ignoring the fact Balthazar had mentioned Adam in front of Dean. I could see Dean shift beside me.  
>Balthazar rolled his eyes at me, extending a hand to Dean. "The name's Balthazar Singer, practically his brother. Sorry about him, he's been in a shitty mood all night."<br>"I can tell." Dean shrugged, gaze locked as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. "I remember you though. I hung with you a few times when you came to visit Anna and Cas. I'm Dean."  
>"No way." Balthazar smiled, shaking his hand a little rougher. "God, I remember you two. You and Cassie were inseparable."<br>"Yeah, were." I grumbled to myself but Balthazar and Dean heard it.  
>"What happened to you guys? I thought you would be friends forever or something." Balthazar asked quickly.<br>"Well-"  
>"He turned into a jerk." I cut in, slamming the shot glass down onto the bar with more force than necessary. Dean shrugged but ducked his head slightly. Balthazar nodded slowly as he took his queue to leave.<br>"Novak, listen…" Dean tried.  
>"What is this, Dean?" I growled, gesturing between the two of us suspiciously. It was almost as if he cared which was impossible. He hadn't for years. Dean wasn't being kind; he was being cruel and toxic. The more I thought about it the harder it was to breathe. I shook my head, taking another drag of the cigarette from between my fingers. "Is this a dare? Did you lose a bet? Come mess with the gay boy?"<br>Dean said nothing, staring in the glass Balthazar set in front of him.  
>"Tell me," I leant forward, whispering roughly. "Because you know and I know how this is. Your friends with them, and I'm friends with the losers. So what the hell is happening here, Winchester?"<br>Again, Dean said nothing.  
>"I'm invisible, Dean. Have been since the start of high school. The only people who actually acknowledge me is my friends and your team when you guys decide to beat me." I huffed, glaring at Dean still. "So why are you seeing me now?"<br>"You're not invisible, Cas." He said finally. "You've never been invisible to me."  
>"Great lot of good it did for me. I'm your punching bag." I glued my eyes to my shot glass, praying that it would somehow fill up magically and that Dean would disappear. "Don't you get it? I'm nothing in that school besides the weird gay kid. The only people I have are your sister, Jo, Bela, Isaac and maybe Ash on a good day. No one sees me, Dean. I'm not like you. I'm not tall and attractive and popular. I'm invisible and you know what? I like it that way because you acting like I exist now? It confuses the fuck out of me!"<br>"Wait…" Dean said after a moment, tilting his head to the side. "You think I'm attractive?"  
>"Out of all of that, all you got was that I think you're attractive?" I asked disbelievingly, turning my eyes away from him as I skulled the shot glass Balthazar had filled on his way past. "Why am I not freaking surprised?"<br>"You didn't answer my question."  
>I groaned quietly, shaking my head as I downed another shot as I tried not to look at him. "Fine! Yes, Dean. I think you are attractive. Everyone at Handover thinks you're attractive. This really shouldn't be a surprise to you."<br>"Yeah, I guess so, but I didn't realize that extended to you…" he shrugged, watching with distaste as I leant over the bar, stealing the bottle from where Balthazar had left it.  
>"I have eyes, Winchester."<br>"I know." He shrugged half heartedly. "But I thought you hated me."  
>"Oh, I do." I laughed, nodding quickly.<br>"Why is that?" Dean asked.  
>"You mean besides the obvious?" I smirked, still disbelieving on how Dean could be so blind. "You don't get it, do you? Dean, the fucking mountains would move for you just because you're 'Dean Winchester' while with me…you know it would be exactly the same if I was straight? I'm in the football team! I was Luc Dell's brother! I would have still been your friend, am I right? But no, just because of whom I fall in love with, I'm the trash of Handover. I'm invisible, Dean, don't pretend that I'm not."<br>"Cas, wait-"  
>"Leave it, Winchester," I said gruffly, cutting him off as I whistled to Balthazar to get his attention. "Put the drinks he has on my tab. I'm gonna crash upstairs."<br>"You sure?" Balthazar asked, seeming hesitant but I nodded, waving him off dismissively.  
>"Yeah I'll be fine…" I nodded, shoving on the brown jacket that hung over the back of my chair and grabbing the bottle I had left on the bar. "Night, Balthazar."<br>"Just be careful Cassie." He called out and I smiled fondly at the gesture before my eyes narrowed onto Dean, calling out a sarcastic "See you at the dumpsters tomorrow then, Winchester?" over my shoulder as I moved past the bar, up towards the stairs. Balthazar frowned as he looked between Dean and I. So Dean was going to get the Spanish inquisition from Balthazar. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to care.

**a/n: so what did you think? :D i hope its okay ..**

**so introducing Balthazar and Adam! Personally i love Balthazar so i had to have him in here somewhere...And Bobby is a father figure to Cas anyway..plus i like to think jody and bobby would be awesome together so...**

**Also, tell me what you think of Kaz and Isaac if you have time. They are the only two characters i own...although i wish i could own the others haha tell me if theyre too mary sue or something if you have time. Thankyou guys**

**anyway, hope you enjoyed**

**much love!**

**Eden xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: Look! A quick update! Sorry its so short guys, i did this in my break at work today and i didn't have much to work with in my head.**

**But wow, already up to chapter four...i never thought so many people would like this...i expected 2 at the most tbh.. thank you so much guys...**

CHAPTER FOUR - Dean

I slumped down onto my bed as soon as i got home, ignoring the steady vibrations through the timber floor from Kaz's music in the next room. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to ignore the facts that assaulted my mind. What Balthazar had told me...it...  
>"Home already?" a voice teased, with just a hint of irritation and i groaned, burying my face further into the pillow.<br>"Go 'way, Sammy" i sighed out, earning a thump from a pillow to the back of the head.  
>"It's Sam." He corrected, and i felt the bed dip as he sat down. "You are aware how much Kaz hates you right now, right?"<br>"Probably just as much as everyone else does." I breathed, finally removing my face from the pillow only to roll to my side, my eyes meeting Sam's. "You know she slapped me?"  
>"No way!" Sam grinned widely and i resisted the urge to hit him, a year younger than me or not. "Kaz, as in our Kaz? I can understand Jo but Kaz?"<br>"Yes, Sam! Kaz!" i huffed, laying on my back only to smother my face with my pillow. God, for academically smart siblings, they could be dumbasses sometimes.  
>"Sorry," Sam said but i could hear the smirk behind it. "Kaz told me what happened...you wanna talk about it?"<br>"No, Sammy i don't." I sighed as i removed the pillow from my face. "Just drop it."  
>"But Dean..."<br>"Hey...no chick flick moments..." i interrupted with a forced smile.  
>"Dean, saying 'no chick-flick moments' is your barrier." Sam tried. "They're your way of saying 'don't make me talk about these things, because if I talk about them they become real, and if they become real they can hurt me.' You don't have to be that way with me and Kaz." (*)<br>_Stupid perceptive siblings..._  
>I ignored him, getting to my feet quickly. "Go grab your sister and wash up, I'm gonna start dinner."<br>"But Dean!"  
>"No, Sam." I snapped, hating myself for the way Sam slightly flinched. "I can't. Alright? I just can't talk about this right now."<br>"But Dean, maybe i can help" Sam tried, standing up quickly.  
>"No, Sammy. You can't." I breathed, Sam's attention peaking immediately. "I can't talk about this to you, or to Kaz. You may spend all you spare nerdy time in the library with that group of yours but i know you. Castiel is still your friend. He's one of Kaz's best friends. I know you two hate what i do but i do it anyway. This is my problem Sammy. The only thing you should be worrying about is getting into Stanford next year and looking out for Kaz, just like i look out for the two of you."<br>"But who's there to look after you Dean?" Sam retorted, putting on one of his famous bitch faces. "Not dad, you won't let me or Kaz. Tell me Dean, who looks out for you?"  
>"Just me, Sammy." I smiled. "Go wash up Sammy, dinner will be ready in a few."<br>I ignored the glare burning into my back as i descended the stairs.

I had never been very fond of the word 'possessive'. I understand that i probably – defiantly - fit the characteristics of the word, but I preferred the word protective. I didn't like to watch the people i cared for to get seriously hurt by others – getting hurt by me, on the other hand was a given one way or another. The list was very short. Jo, Sam and Kaz, my dad on occasion and…that was it.  
>As i trudged towards the school late, hands shoved deep into my pockets I realized that Cas –despite everything – was still apparently on that list, the brunette boy shoved against the brick wall of the entrance by Luc, his lip bleeding. The creep – Isaac, I remembered quickly – was on the floor by Luc's feet looking a little more worse for wear than Cas. My hands balled unconsciously in my pockets, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end and I was angry.<br>Talking to Balthazar last night, seeing Cas at that pub. It had shattered every image i had ever associated with Cas. He was completely different than he made everyone see him at school, even to Bela and my sister. God, if the girls had any idea they would kill him. I still had no idea why Balthazar didn't. The elder boy clearly cared for Cas a lot. Sitting there, talking to him i found out just how wrong i was. Cas was breaking down from within, plastering on a smile and tough mask at school. When he disappeared up to the top floor, I expected him to come down a few hours later to go home but Balthazar caught my stare. No, Cas lived there. Cas lived in a room above a fucking pub. I would be the biggest hypocrite ever but i hated knowing that. It actually made me feel bad. It made me feel like i actually had to protect him. Yeah, i was the biggest hypocrite ever. Not that talking to Sammy helped my mood.  
>"Problem Luc?" I questioned, crossing my arms as i came up beside the two. Cas' glare narrowed slightly as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I could see his eyes flicker to Isaac whose glare deepened.<br>"Nah Dean, just sorting shit out with the queer. I'll meet you inside." Luc said evenly, never taking his eyes off Ca.  
>I shook my head, grabbing Luc's wrist. "Come on, let him go man."<br>"I'm fine," Cas interjected, slipping out of Luc's grasp, standing as far away from me as possible as he lifted his hoodie. Isaac was on his feet in a matter of seconds, flanking Cas' side, glare still etched onto his face. "Mind your own business, Winchester."  
>"Don't talk to him like-" Luc started, pushing Cas back into the wall put i grabbed his arm, stopping him from launching at the smaller boy.<br>"Leave it, Luc. It's fine." I nodded. "I'll deal with it now. Get to class. Moseley will kill you if you're late again. I can afford to get in trouble."  
>Luc's eyes lingered on Cas as he nodded, yanking the doors open as he slipped into the school. I let out a deep sigh as he went out of view, Cas wiping his bleeding mouth across the sleeve of his hoodie.<br>"I didn't need your help, Winchester." He snapped, taking his bag from Isaac quickly as he caught my look. He tried to move past me but i caught him, pushing him back lightly.  
>Isaac grabbed my wrist, having a stronger grip than I gave him credit for. His black eyes narrowed on me, growling out two words from between his teeth. "Leave him Winchester."<br>"Yeah, not happening creep." I hissed, yanking my arm away. I chanced a look at Cas over Isaac's shoulder.  
>"No one asked you to look out for me, Winchester. Just leave me alone" Cas muttered, eyes barely meeting mine.<br>"Yeah, actually they did. Anna told me every day we were friends to look out for you, just like she told you to do for me." i snapped and i could see something flicker across Cas' face as he paused. I opened my mouth to say something, Cas surprising me as he moved past Isaac quickly. He punched me in the face, Isaac smirking behind his back as he lit up a cigarette casually and i stumbled back, spitting blood onto the pavement. Okay, i may have deserved that.  
>"You...you don't get to say that." Cas hissed, eyes narrowed but i could see the moisture under his eyes. "Even so, why should it matter now? Let's not disillusion ourselves here Winchester. You used to do the exact same thing until about 2 days ago. Just because we said 'civil' doesn't mean things are any different. I don't need anyone's help. Especially not yours."<br>When Cas tried to shoulder past me again, i let him.

**a/n: Whoa! Cas you bamf! Who else thinks Dean kinda deserved that punch? No? Poor Deano is so messed up in his head hahah **

**And look! I put in Sammy! :D about time i admit, sorry Sammy fans. He'll be in a lot more now i promise!**

**What does everyone think of Isaac? Awesome, no? If no...well im sorry then. Im kinda basing him loosely on a mixture of people i know (mostly my BFF seth tbh) but i hope you like!**

**And like i said, i would love it if you guys review and tell me what you think (you don't have to of course but it just helps me write better if i know what you don't and do like)**

**Also (*) that quote there is not mine, its from a very wise person i follow on tumblr so ill be sure to link and give credit when i find the thing again haha**

**Much love,**

**Eden xoxoxo  
><strong> 


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: so, happy i got positive feedback about the Dean slap. Was a bit worried about that to start with but im glad you guys agreed. Also im SOOOO GLADDD you guys like Kaz and Isaac!**

CHAPTER FIVE - Cas -

The day dragged on slower than I would have liked, Dean's weird and civil behaviour continuing. As if that wasn't enough, the weird behaviour between Isaac and Dean hadn't settled down either, both boys becoming worse as the day progressed.  
>With my ego or temper, it wasn't too long before I was sick of it.<br>I leant against the wall in front of the class room, reacting on my own as i grabbed Dean by the strap of his bag as he passed through the doorway. I looked around quickly, checking that the jock had not attracted any unwanted attention – like his team – as i pulled him into the closest empty classroom.  
>"Novak, what the-"<br>"What the hell is with you?" i cut him off with a as my grip tightened on the strap of his bag, pulling him closer towards me. "What's your angle on this civil shit, Winchester? Don't you dare use your sister or mine as an excuse! I want you to drop whatever this is right now, you hear?"  
>"What do you want me to say?" He hissed back leaning closer. "I think your friend is a dick who actually has the nerve to think that he's something in this school. That he's actually any better than me or the team. I don't like it and you should find a better friend than some creep like him."<br>"That's it? All this, it's some sort of macho, reputation filled show down?" I managed, shaking my head slightly. "You're unbelievable."  
>"So I've been told" Dean smirked, laughing as he looked at me up and down. "You know this is the second time you've been alone with me. I'm starting to think you like me Novak."<br>"Don't flatter yourself." I huffed, "You're jerk."  
>"And that creep isn't?"<br>"He treats me like a human being, a lot more than I can say for you. Isaac is one of the best people I've got right now." I snapped but my eyes widened as Dean flinched physically at the mention of Isaac's name, his cocky smirk faltering.  
>I let go of his bag strap, taking a tiny step back. "I don't believe it..."<br>"What?" Dean snapped out roughly.  
>"That rage running through you. That feeling of nausea. You're feeling it, aren't you? It's eating you up, making you more and more uncomfortable by the second. I can see it..." I whispered unbelievingly, a small amazed smile tugging at my lips and Dean's eyes narrowed to slits.<br>"So what?"  
>I inched closer hesitantly, "It's apprehension. Its resentfulness. It's bitterness. Dean, its jealousy."<br>Dean straightened up, anger plastered on his features although in his eyes i could see something different, not that i was given much time to think about it.  
>He pushed me roughly and i scrambled back as i hit the floor for the second time this week. Dean took a step forward, pausing for a moment.<br>"Screw you, Novak." He hissed softly, jaw clenched. "I'm not like you"  
>"Then why do you seem to care so much?" I whispered, mentally punching myself in the face for my apparent death wish. "I'm not saying you're in the closet, I'm not saying you want to be friends again. I'm saying you hate him because he's getting all the attention. From me, from your sister, your friends, from the whole school. I'm the only way you can get back at him and you know it. You don't give a shit about me. Kaz and Jo matter to you but not enough to put your reputation or status at risk."<br>Dean paused and i shuffled back again for good measure.  
>"Just..." Dean began, shaking his head as he paused again before speaking through clenched teeth. "Just screw you, Novak. You don't know me like you think you do."<br>I couldn't speak, watching as Dean turned his back on me as he took off. I shook my head, letting out a shaky breath i didn't know i had been holding.  
>I have a fucking death wish.<p>

I huffed angrily as I slumped down against the metal bleachers, pulling my hoodie up to shield my eyes from the bright sun. I could hear the faint whisperings of a few of the stoner lot hiding under the bleachers below me, no doubt skipping this class like I was. It wasn't the first time I had skipped class cause of Dean and I seriously doubted it would ever be the last. I was fully aware that any teacher walking the grounds could spot me, even if the bleachers were away from the rooms but the teachers were more than aware of Dean and my 'encounters' and usually left me to it. Yeah, they could let me ditch class and get my anger out but they couldn't stop Dean and Luc.  
>Typical.<br>Then again, as Hockey captain and one of the most athletic boys at the school, I didn't think they really wanted to get rid of Dean. I slammed my bag down on the seat beside me, yanking my sketchbook, charcoals and pencils out much rougher that necessary. I flickered to a new, clean crisp page quickly, ignoring the few filled pages in front of it. There wasn't much. Bela and Jo talking on the swings at the park. Dean with his headphones in as he studies at the library, the three girls mucking around, Adam snuggled up in bed looking very much like he's in a cocoon, Dean with that stupid smug smirk of his as he looks over his shoulder. I knew it probably wasn't a good thing I was drawing Dean. Especially considering the risk it would be if any of the jocks let alone Dean himself found it. Probably wasn't going to end well at all. Still, it felt a little odd that my best drawings were always the ones of Dean. Not surprising—I had been always been painfully bad at finding subjects, one of the reasons I had lost patience in a lot of my artworks. Fantastic as some of my art was, the ideas came slowly and at great intervals. Only once I had finally happened upon exactly the right one could I visualize it perfectly and draw.  
>Balthazar had told me once that my best work was because of 'feelings' for Dean. Needless to say, he slept downstairs at the bar while his mattress was bought inside to dry from the mud and rain.<br>My excuse was that I had spent so much time watching my back, looking out for Dean that his face was seared into my brain.  
>It was logical.<br>Some part of me could tell it was a total lie, but that was usually quietened down with a drink and that bar and more drawing and music and smokes.  
>The guys beneath me laughed loudly again, making my hand jump and i gritted my teeth, glaring at the metal seat that separated us. They weren't worth it, I reminded myself as I erased the start of my image – what I was beginning to draw I don't know – before shoving my headphones in, turning the volume to some ear bleeding level. I tapped my pencil on the paper, summoning up something in my mind to draw but dismissing them just as quickly—too hard, too easy, too boring, just plain not right. Dean flashed in my mind for a moment and much to my anger, it felt perfect. I could see it exactly, the details waiting to be transferred from mind to hand. I slammed my hand down on the paper, biting my lip to hold back my growl of frustration.<br>I slammed the cover shut as I heard a pair of footsteps behind me, Isaac falling onto the seat beside me with a small smile.  
>"Hey Isaac." I nodded curtly, fingers unconsciously tightening on the bind of my sketchbook. "What are you doing here? You got biology with Uriel; you know he'll kill you if you start to ditch your classes."<br>"He would if he even knew what I looked like. I don't think I've attended that class all year let alone most of my others." He pointed out and I smirked, shrugging a shoulder. It was true.  
>"Besides, you disappeared at lunch. Thought I should come find you. See if you were killed by Dean or something." he replied, worry starting to cross his face. "You okay mate?"<br>"I'm fine." I managed out, my eyes glued to the field where the PE class had assembled during my drawing distraction. The girls were off to the side, lounging around despite the effort of the teacher and I could see Lisa Braden in the centre, a small victorious smirk on her face as the teacher gave up. The boys were already on the field, dividing up into two teams at the start of what I could only guess by choices and body language was the start of a 'friendly' football match. I felt my heart clench as I caught sight of Dean across the field, Luc by his side. Too distracted by Lisa, Luc didn't seem to notice Dean's eyes locked on me and I was vaguely aware of Isaac stiffening beside me as he followed my line of sight. I dropped my eyes quickly, giving him the finger as my other hand tightened on my sketch book.  
>"Let's get out of here." I said quietly, Isaac nodding barely as he stood. I followed behind slowly; my eyes moving to the book in my hand before back to Dean. I couldn't bring myself to look Dean's way again as I left, sketchbook tucked under my arm, Isaac's arm slung over my shoulder.<p>

Jo watched me from the corner of her eye as i slid into the backseat of Bela's car afterschool. I managed to growl out a 'hey,' propping my feet up against Bela's chair and i glued my eyes down to the floor. I was thankful the girls knew me well enough to know the difference of when to push the subject and when not to. This was one of the times when you just didn't push it.  
>I didn't say a word about my foul – and confused – mood as the car swung around harshly, driving out of the Handover car park.<br>To say i knew what was going on in Dean's head would be an absolute lie. I don't think he quite knew what was going on in his head sometimes. Dean's words irked me though. I didn't know him like i think i did. I didn't know Dean at all anymore.  
>In the years Dean and I had ...'drifted apart' he had slowly become two different people to me.<br>There was 'Winchester,' the man-whore, bad boy jock and jerk. He was the one throwing me in dumpsters and the one Handover knew.  
>Then there was 'Dean,' my old best friend. Even now, i could see the rare hint of him come through sometimes. The locker incident flashed in my head.<br>It was a rare thing but 'Dean' was still there somewhere.  
>I called him to his face accordingly, 'Dean' only escaping my lips the times I could see a hint of him. As if I could get him back. I knew I wouldn't but it was habit.<br>At the moment however, he was changing between 'Winchester' and 'Dean' faster than meg changed her sex partners and that was saying something.  
>Then again, maybe I was hard on him. I tried to reason in my head. Yeah, he was confusing me but he could have been right. He loves Kaz and Jo in his own twisted way.<br>Was it so hard to believe that Dean was really trying to be a better person for them? It explained the protection in some ways, the civility I suppose but not Isaac. Dean also had a point when he had spoken of staying on top of the food chain at Handover. It fitted with my theory he was jealous of the general attention and interest Isaac was getting as the new kid. Still, something in my gut told me I was wrong.  
>I groaned loudly despite myself, yanking my seatbelt off as we pulled up in front of Kaz's house. For the second time that day i didn't bother waiting for the girls as i stepped out of the car into the rain. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets as i stomped up to the porch.<br>I smiled as i stepped into Kaz's surprisingly large room, the walls painted a light blue on one side, Aqua on the next as the other two stayed a clean white. The head of her double bed was pressed up against the wall opposite the doorway. There was defiantly a large difference between the look of Jo's room and Kaz's.  
>I shrugged off my jacket and laid it across her desk, Bela and Jo quickly laying on their stomachs atop the bed, making themselves at home as Kaz made herself comfortable on the floor in front of them. It was easy to remember the first time Tiff had come home to see the girls lying comfortably on the bed; me squished between Bela and Jo half asleep. Since i had come out however, it got better and worse in some ways. It wasn't a secret that John Winchester wasn't exactly a friend of the gay community, only playing civil for Kaz's sake. Still, he was more than pleased that I wasn't trying to hook up with his only daughter.<br>"So Angel boy," Bela smiled from the bed, Jo already half asleep beside her - a trait which she was kind of known to do. Apparently any bed was more comfortable with the group around. "The Gerard-Butler-athon has begun. First matter to be discussed, this hunky friend of yours."  
>"Not a chance," I smiled fondly, kicking my converse off as i plonked down onto the bed beside Jo, waking her slightly. "First matter: the original reason we are here. Your unrequited love problem."<br>Jo's head shot up, her face still etched with a sleepy smile but it seemed off. "Really? Glad i was the last to know, Bel."  
>"We were all the last to know about Isaac" Bela retorted, subtly changing the subject. "Don't try and get out of this one, angel boy. You know I'll keep bugging you til you tell me."<br>"Likewise," I smirked, rolling onto my stomach. "Fine, you pushy pixies. What do you wanna know?"  
>"Don't say that, these two will demand everything." Jo smiled.<br>Kaz's smirk widening as she raised from her spot on the floor to lay on top of my back like usual. I shook my head with a smile, looking at her as best as i could, her chin resting on my shoulder blade. "Don't look at me like that. You're comfortable."  
>"I'm a piece of furniture now? I feel so loved." I smirked.<br>"Something like that." She winked, "Come on, spill it. Where'd you meet tall, pale and scary?"  
>I made a face, continuing anyway. "Isaac went away for 6 months or so to live with his mum in London. Now he's back. We're…friends I guess. We hang out, we both take art class. We met beginning of high school. He caught me sketching on the old gym roof a few weeks into the term cause..."<em><br>Because of Dean...because we were being almost like we used to until his friends showed up...because i genuinely missed him..._  
>"Cause i was pretty loner back then." I lied lamely, Jo raising a brow but said nothing. "He and I got talking, became pretty good friends. We used to hang out, ate lunch, talked and such. That's it."<br>"Wow..." Kaz said. "You make it sound so...anticlimactic."  
>"Not everything is knights on white horses, Kaz" i rolled my eyes.<br>"Just losers on tin foil." Jo smirked, dodging the almost slap up the back of the head from Kaz.  
>"Regardless," Bela leant forwards to wink at me. "You did alright, angel boy but it still doesn't explain your weird mood this arvo."<br>"What do you mean? I'm fine." I huffed and Kaz smirked, yanking off my beanie to throw it across the room. Untangling her arms, I felt as she wound them around my neck, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.  
>"You forget, we know you better than you know yourself half the time, Cas." She snickered and i pouted slightly. "You don't have to talk about it, we were just worried about you."<br>"Exactly," Bela nodded with a smile. "Tonight is about us. A girl with unrequited love problems, two girls with an asshole for a brother / friend and a gay boy who probably has problems worse than all of ours put together."  
>"I'm guessing it's pizza, movies and rocky road ice cream then." I laughed, "I'll go order the pizza, you guys pick a movie by the time i get back."<br>The girls nodded, Kaz and Bela jumping off the bed and i couldn't help as i leant forward to whisper 'Make sure it's something actually good this time' in Jo's ear before i headed downstairs. Leaving three girls unattended was probably not the smartest idea i ever had but i was past the mood to care.  
>I paced around the kitchen; phone clutched in my hand and Luc's head rose as he came in, mouthing out pizza orders at me. No doubt for him and Dean.<br>"Thanks, bye." I finished, hanging up as i faced Luc with a hand out. "You got your money for your share of the pizzas?"  
>"You're kidding right?" Luc scoffed, sculling another mouthful from the can in his hands. "You got it, yeah? Thanks."<br>With a nod, he disappeared upstairs, the blast of music not too far behind that. I forced myself to remain calm and not throw the phone at the back of his head, no matter how much i wanted to. I slammed the phone onto the bench roughly – more for Luc's sake then my own. I jumped, swearing as a loud knock sounded out the front door beside me.  
>"I'll get it then" i muttered shoving my hands into my pockets. Grumbling to myself, i slid off the security chain, wrenching the door open. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was another neighbourhood prank and my breath caught in my throat, the insults dying on my tongue as i took in the figure on the doorstep.<br>He stood in the doorway, shivering as a small slight smile crossed his face but my gaze didn't last long there. His clothes were soaked through, his grey shirt clinging to him in ways that should have been illegal. He dug a hand out of the pocket of his jeans to wipe the small droplets glistening on the skin of his face. Why hadn't it clicked in my head when i had gone to open the door that it would be him?  
>"Um...hi." Dean had a small sheepish smile on his face. "You wanna let me in? It's freezing out here and I forgot my keys."<br>"What? Yeah, yeah. Of course. Sorry." I manage out finally, my face dropping to the floor to hide the redness on my face. "You could've at least worn a jacket. Surely it was raining when you left school."_  
>Yes, defiantly should've worn a jacket...<br>_"Yeah but barely. Didn't know I'd need one to be honest." Dean said, following behind me and if it wasn't for years of friendship I wouldn't have heard the way his tone changed slightly when he lied. I shrugged, saying nothing as I pulled myself back onto my stool in the kitchen.  
>"Guess not. Listen the girls put some drinks are in the fridge, I'm sure you can hear Luc upstairs waiting for you. I'll get one of the girls to go bring you guys the pizza when it gets here. You can run away now."<br>"Run away?" Dean repeated.  
>"Come on." I sighed, shrugging ever so slightly. "You don't have to hang out with the gay kid. Isaac's not here and i know i pushed and pissed you off enough today. I'm not about to give you another reason to hit me, Winchester."<br>"I'm not going to hit you" he whispered out. "Listen, I'm sorry for this today. I may be a lot of things, a jerk defiantly being one of them but even I know when I've messed up. I over reacted. Like you said, you weren't calling me a f- I mean you weren't really making assumptions. I snapped anyway and…and I'm sorry."  
>I watched Dean ramble slightly, burying his hands further into his pockets, his eyes and voice going lower and lower.<br>"You're right you know." He continued. "That kid's got a lot of attention from people, some I dislike more than others. The whole unobtainable thing is turn on for the girls or something, I don't know. If I'm going to be civil with you…well, being a dick to this kid won't keep you and I away from each others' throat will it. Even if I think he's an asshole."  
>"Why are you being so different, Dean?" I whispered. Yes, this was Dean. Defiantly Dean. "You said civil for our assignment and your sister but here…You're acting like the past 5 years never happened. Like you actually think what I feel or say about you matters."<br>Dean said nothing, his eyes never meeting mine.  
>I shook my head, more confused than ever, "You're here to hang with Luc tonight. I think you should go see him."<em><br>Leave me alone. My head is fucked enough already._  
>Dean fell onto the stool beside me with a small smirk, eyes flickering to me briefly. "I'm well aware and at the moment I'm in <em><strong>my<strong>_ kitchen of _**my**_ house talking to _**my**_ sisters friend. I see no problem so far."  
>"Yeah, well no one else would see it that way. You didn't until recently apparently," I grumbled under my breath.<br>"True" he shrugged. "But like you said, people change."  
>"Not this quickly. Not you. You never change <em><strong>back<strong>_, Winchester."  
>"Dean." He said quietly and my eyes widened as I turned to look at him. "Call me, Dean."<br>I shook my head slightly, looking back down at the bench. "I can't."  
>"Why not?" Again with the barely audible whisper.<br>I sucked in a shaky breath, unable to look at him but I could see him stiffen out of the corner of my eye at my words. "Like I said, I can't forget the past 5 years."  
>"Cas…"<br>"What are you doing, Winchester?" I cut in quietly, ignoring the stinging from the moisture beginning to well in my eyes as I looked at him. "I just started to get over you never being the same and here you come in acting like we're best friends again. I can't handle that. Not when I know that you're going to turn back into the same jerk at school tomorrow."  
>Dean's eyes fell onto the countertop as did my own, the jock breathing out almost as shakily as I was. "Cas listen, I gotta tell you-"<br>"Cas! The girls wanna watch a click flick! They're saying some bullshit about majority overruling or somethin-" Sam interrupted, his voice stopping short as he came around the corner, spying Dean and I at the bench closely, both our faces down as we faced away from each other. I was sure my face was a bright red like always. "Oh. Um…hey Dean?"  
>"Hey Sammy" he nodded, shifting so he sat straighter in his chair, distancing the two of us. "Is Luc upstairs?"<br>"Yeah, in your room…where the music is coming from…the music you can hear from down here…you know, quite clearly..." he nodded, eyes moving over the two of us scrutinisingly but he said nothing more.  
>"Thanks," he whispered out, a brief hand touching my shoulder as he stood, whispering a quiet 'talk to you later, Novak' which I wasn't sure if Sam heard or not. I watched him leave carefully, Sam's look matching mine.<br>"You okay Cas?" Sam asked quietly, eyes flickering from the stairs to me. "I've never seen you look like that."  
>"Yeah, I'm fine." I said quickly, shaking my head softly. "I'm fine."<br>Sam looked at me, unconvinced by nodded anyway. "I'm going out with my friends tonight. You going to be okay with the girls?"  
>"yeah, of course" i rolled my eyes, laughing slightly when Sam whispered out 'brave man' under his breath. With a quick goodbye, Sam sprinted out the door, no doubt where Jessica Moore and Andy Gallagher were waiting in Jessica's brand new car she had received for her sweet sixteenth. One of the upsides of being daddy's little princesses.<br>The pizza didn't take too much longer to arrive, the girls changing into their pyjama's when it did – Kaz's black and white skulls and Jo's too large band shirt and small black shorts amusing next to Bela's tweety bird assemble. To say the least I wasn't surprised as Luc waltzed in to grab his pizza's dressed in a dark grey pair of sweatpants and a black wifebeater – the boy practically lived in the things.  
>"Okay, how does this happen? You're the fag right?" Luc huffed, ignoring the girls glare at the word 'fag' as he took his pizza boxes. His eyes were moving from Bela and Jo on each of my side's, Kaz lying comfortably on my back with her arms hanging over my shoulders, feeding me bits of pizza occasionally as we watched the movie. "How are you so comfortable with this many chicks around?"<br>"Um, important fact. I'm gay. Girls are your thing." I pointed out obviously. "This is why this is so easy. They aren't threatened that I'm gonna make a move on any of them or take advantage like you would."  
>"And if either of you did, I'd break your hands." Dean smirked as he came up behind Luc. He and Luc were dressed similarly, Dean in a white wifebeater and black sweats. I would never admit the way my eyes stuck to the too tight wifebeater for a few seconds. Dean smirked with a raised brow and my eyes dropped back onto the bed.<br>"You guys talk too much. Floor." Kaz said, squishing herself beside Jo and I rolled my eyes, taking the hint. I slumped down onto the floor at the end of the bed with a groan, Kaz kissing the top of my head from her place on the bed as she handed over another pizza slice.  
>"Dude, why are you always getting kissed by chicks? You don't even try!" Luc said quickly and I rolled my eyes as the girls giggled among themselves.<br>"Again Luc. I'm gay!" i rolled my eyes.  
>For reasons that I still don't understand, Luc and Dean had somehow ended up staying in the room; Dean insisting to tease his sister and Jo about their sleepover than returning to his own. The girls smiled as they ate, whispering between the three of them as I inserted a comment now or then.<br>"I don't care what anyone says, he's an amazing Erik." Kaz swooned, taking a bite of pizza as she stared at the screen. Her eyes never left the screen. "I mean, with a voice like that…he's amazing. Flawless."  
>"Gerard is good, granted." Bela shrugged. "But not as Erik should. Erik should have a god like voice but a repulsive face. I don't know anyone with a god like voice but come on. That! That is not repulsive! I'd still do that."<br>Jo and I dropped our pizzas back onto our plate, looking at food somewhat disgusted.  
>"Gross, Bela. You sounded like Luc." Jo moaned, pushing her plate away slightly. Luc raised a brow, ignoring Jo's comment as he looked at the girls from his place on the desk chair, feet propped onto the bed. I had lost count of how many times Bela had knocked his feet off only for him to glare and put them back. Bela must have felt Luc's gaze as she sighed deeply, looking at him as if to say 'what?'<br>"Wait a second, so you girls want an ugly boyfriend?" I fought the smirk of my face at the flurry of pillows that hit him.  
>"It's not that." Dean whispered from his place on the floor beside me, our shoulders brushing slightly and I was surprised when he didn't move. "All his life people have hate him because of the way he was born. Repulsive face and all that. He had to lie, cover up to even have a chance with happiness. Then Christine and blew him out of the water, changed him. He lied, calling himself an angel of music to gain her trust, get her to love him back but it backfired. Even she's initially repulsed but him. Even so, he still loves her. He wants everything perfect for her and never does anything to purposely hurt Christine, despite the fact he was cruel in his own way. He just gets caught up, takes it too far. In the end, even he is repulsed by himself but for his actions. He knew if he was different, he really could have been happy and kept Christine but he lost her because he was stupid and selfish where as Raoul is everything he wants to be and everything Christine needs and wants. So he lets her go, just go she's happy, even if it makes him miserable."<br>A shiver rippled through my body as my eyes met Dean's at the last sentence. Dean chuckled, ducking his head when he finished and Luc looked at him with quick narrowed eyes.  
>"Bro, could you sound anymore gay right now?"<br>"I have Kaz, she's obsessed and I've heard it come out her mouth enough times that I think it's embedded in my brain," he smirked, wincing as he felt a sharp slap up the back of his head from the girl on the bed.  
>"There goes any hope of you being a somewhat educated guy. Guess that just leaves Sam, huh?" Jo whispered and I choked back a laugh.<br>Dean looked at me from the corner of his eye, bumping my shoulder with his as he whispered, "Fuck off, Novak" that I was pretty sure the girls couldn't hear. My eyes flickered to him, surprised to see a slight smile on his face instead its usual glare. Not that I was given much time to think about it.  
>All six heads jumped up at the sound, eyes darting to the window as another 'clink' sounded against the class.<br>"For fucks sake." I groaned, gluing myself to my spot on the floor. "Can I just throw something at them?"  
>Jo laughed, pulling herself off the bed as she padded to the window. I watched as her smile faltered, the younger girl frowning more now as she turned to look at me over her shoulder. "I don't think you're going to want to throw something at this one."<br>I huffed, pulling myself up to her side.  
>"What the hell are you-" The words died in my throat as I yanked open the window. "Isaac, what the hell are you doing here?"<br>I could hear shuffling behind me, probably the girls moving around or Luc and Dean getting ready to leave as I talked with my 'oh so faggy' friend but I ignored it, shaking my head at Isaac as his smirk grew.  
>"Found out where you'd be. Can you come down?"<br>Bela popped up beside me, arms folded against her chest. "Girls night, sexy. We've claimed your boy. You can have him back when we deem you worthy. Or when we get all the details. Whichever comes first."  
>"Which will be late next week…maybe?" Kaz called from inside the room and the smirk on his face grew.<br>"Guys," I laughed, heat growing my cheeks as I pushed them away from the window. "I thought you had plans tonight, Isaac?"  
>"I did. I changed my mind." He shrugged. "You were practically radiating teen angst this afternoon. Therefore I have the perfect solution"<br>Isaac smirked widely, pulling out two packets of cigarettes and a large bottle of his step-dad's expensive whiskey. "You like?"  
>"You're fucking awesome." I smirked.<br>"No worries mate" he grinned. "You got twenty minutes before I come up there after you."  
>"Wow…deaf and stupid." I froze at the voice, stiffening physically as I felt Dean stand behind me, his hands on the windowsill either side of my hips. Isaac let his glare narrow. "I think that shit may be affecting your brain, creep. I think my sister said no. I think you should take that as a hint to leave."<br>"Dean," Isaac smirked wider before his eyes moved back to me. "I thought it was a 'girls night' mate?"  
>I cursed mentally, pushing Dean's hands away and Jo's eyes narrowed on her brother thoughtfully as she pulled him away from the window. I ignored it.<br>"It is. He kinda lives here remember? He's here with Luc, this room has the pizza." I explained, shooting Dean a suspicious look over my shoulder. "Give me twenty minutes and I'll be down."  
>I slammed the window shut, blocking out whatever Dean and Isaac looked ready to say as i turned to face the girls.<br>"Come on you three" I clapped. "I know you already have hundreds of ideas clothes running through those evil little heads of yours. Go on."  
>Kaz and Bela disappeared quickly with fierce smirks, Jo rolling her eyes as she followed behind them. I grabbed Dean's wrist as they disappeared, pulling him forward, speaking lowly. "One, where is Luc and two, what the hell Dean?"<br>Dean's face was unreadable as he pried my fingers off his wrist slowly, eyes stuck to me. "Luc left and soon as you opened the window, not that you didn't expect that."  
>Okay, so i had.<br>"Besides, i said i would try to be civil but i can't when he's being a dick, especially to my sister." He leant forward to look me in the eye. "I'm trying for you, but even i have my breaking point."  
>"You've seen him a day and a half. How could you hate him this much already? You two and your egos! I swear Dean-"<br>"Cas" Bela called out, her head peeking out from the closet as i turned. Her look was stuck on Dean as she threw the mass of clothes at me. "Jeans are mine, yours are dirty. You can thank me later. Go get dressed while i call down to your boy."  
>"Thanks" i forced a smile, bravely - or stupidly – hitting Dean's shoulder roughly as i passed. My voice dropped as i passed the three girls, Jo and Bela promising no guarantees as i whispered out, "Don't you and Dean kill each other while I'm gone."<br>I winced as i heard the window squeak open, Bela's unmistakable voice shouting out down to Isaac. "Angel boy's getting ready; he might take some time getting into my jeans. You better appreciate how good he looks!"  
>"He stole your jeans?" I could hear the surprise in his voice.<br>"Yes so you better be glad we love him." She huffed and i froze as the window slammed shut, Kaz and Jo's footsteps growing faint as they went off in search for 'Angel boy's chocolate stash hidden like a ninja in his duffle bag downstairs.' I could hear Dean wince as Bela's fist hit his shoulder, the boy demanding what he had done.  
>"You Winchester?" she growled, her tone scaring even me for a moment. "You are jerk! I don't know what game you're playing here but it stops now, go it? You don't get to waltz in and act like you and Cas are still best friends when no one's around. You don't get to fuck with him like that. I will personally kick your ass before i let you hurt him."<br>There was a pause from the other side, my heart beat increasing with every second before he finally spoke, his voice so soft I barely heard it but that didn't make it sound any less cocky.  
>"And who says I'm playing him at all, Bela..."<p>

**a/n: and end of chapter five. Sorry this took so long. Things have been crazy at work and i haven't really gotten much time to wite as much as i want to. Reviews and summiting feedback and ideas for future things in this story is love!**

**LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Eden xoxoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: le sigh. Dean this is what everybody means when they call you bipolar! Ahh well, glad you guys liked the chapter. Im gonna explain a bit more what happened in deans head here just so no one is confused. Keep reading and much love!**

CHAPTER SIX - Dean

I could still remember the first time Cas had been invited to stay at my place at the start of high school. To say I was surprised to see him there was a slight understatement. The fact Cas and I hadn't been around or talked to each other in a year probably factored into that. The fact i winced at his name – like he did when people apparently said Dean– and that i was there with Luc may have been another. And for those three hours Cas was there, he hid away in Kaz's room with the girls and his sketch pad before he finally ran past Luc and I at the TV downstairs, making some excuse about feeling sick.  
>It was only the beginning of the year before the girls organised another thing, this time at my place instead of Bela's like it had been all of high school and Jo seemed apprehensive.<br>"I mean it Dean. Don't touch the coffee" was all she said by way of warning. I didn't bother to ask and Jo – as well as myself – seemed to relax when we found out he was going out to spend the night with another friend. At the time, i didn't care. Looking back on it now it scared – no, shocked, Dean Winchester does not get scared – me how much annoyed me to know that would have been Balthazar at the bar. Or even worse, Isaac.  
>Jo needed, for some reason to warn me about the coffee again, knowing Cas would be home by morning. Yet again, i didn't press the issue.<br>I growled as i felt Luc shake my shoulder roughly, waking me at some ridiculous time of morning. So 10am wasn't ridiculous but it was for me. I swatted his hands away, grumbling as i buried my face back into my pillow to ignore my so called 'friend.'  
>"Come on bro, get up. I just walked past the kitchen. You'll wanna see this." He laughed quietly, wrapping a hand around my forearm as he pulled me out of bed towards the kitchen.<br>"What the hell Luc?" i hissed, rubbing my eyes as i stumbled behind him. "This had better be good."  
>"Shhh," he just smirked, ignoring me as we peered around the doorway. My eyes widened even in my half asleep state as i saw Cas.<br>"Bro, we aren't gonna-" i started, turning to walk off only to be hushed with a hand by Luc.  
>Cas had his face buried in his arms on the counter top, his body half hanging off the stool as he tried to sit in his still obvious half asleep state. That was what you got when you can home at 4am drunk, climbing up onto the roof to sneak back through the bedroom window. I still didn't know how Cas didn't kill himself doing that as drunk as he was. My hands clenched unconsciously as i remembered that creep Isaac showing up. My hands relaxed as i remember the bright wide smile Cas had sent me as i helped him sneak out Jo's bedroom window – by order of Kaz and Jo of course, helping him the whole way down the three story house before i made my way back up again. Well, not before glaring at Isaac as I gave him a quick quiet warning to keep Cas safe.<br>"Is he serious?" I whispered finally and Luc simply nodded.  
>"Wait, it gets better."<br>I jumped slightly as the coffee machine beeped, Cas scrambling to his feet when he heard it. I swear i had never seen that kid move so fast in my life. I watched, smiling as Cas stroked the side of the coffee machine, reaching above his head with a free hand to dig out the huge orange mug. He poured a generous amount of coffee, the liquid almost overflowing and Luc and I bit back a chuckle as he took a sip, moaning slightly with a smile. Jo's warnings suddenly made sense. So Handover's gay kid was a coffee addict, huh?  
><em>He's actually pretty cute like that<em>. I though, mentally punching myself when i did._ Cas. Cute? What the fuck? Never. Think. That. Again. Winchester.  
><em>Luc chuckled beside me, finally capturing Cas' attention.  
>"Should we leave you two alone?" he teased.<br>Cas smiled fondly, stroking the side of the machine again. "Ours is a forbidden love, isn't it baby? I appreciate you."  
>Luc rolled his eyes quickly, disappearing towards the cupboard as Cas took his spot back at the bench, mug clutched in his hands tightly. Even now, it was a shock to see him dressed so casually and normal yet it suited him almost as much as his normal attire did. Cas was half balanced on his chair again, baggy pyjama pants sitting low on his hips - clearly at least two sizes too big and rolled at the waist to make them fit better. His shirt was a thin light grey and scattered with small holes, the hem riding up as he laid out on the bench to reveal a strip of pale white skin at his waist. The biggest shock was probably his hair; usually a flat, straight dark brown now messy spikes, sticking out at awkward angles. I bit my lip as i looked at him from the corner of my eye. What the hell was i doing, watching Cas like this? It was Novak. The school fag. Just being civil, remember?<br>_Didn't help last night._ My mind mocked and i groaned internally. I didn't want to think about it, even if my behaviour this morning wasn't much better. I shook my head, facing back to Luc briefly.  
>"I'm not hungry, bro. I'm just gonna have a shower and head out, okay?" i mumbled finally, wincing as i saw Luc's expression. "I got things I have to do not to mention homework and shit to do before Monday."<br>"Come on, man. Michael's coming over later for Halo. Do your work when he gets here or something so i have someone to play against." Luc whined.  
>"Nah, i have shit I gotta do." I tried, ignoring as i saw Sam enter the kitchen from the corner of my eye. I ignored the look no doubt he was giving me when he saw Luc and I with Cas.<br>"Stay Winchester" I tensed as Cas huffed, setting his mug down angrily. "I'm leaving anyway."  
>I wanted to grab his arm, make him sit down; tell him he was being ridiculous. But i couldn't. Not in front of Luc. Not in front of anyone. It was never the way things went with us. Not anymore.<br>I did nothing as he swept past me, the anger clear on his face. My eyes did not leave him until he got to the doorway, my eyes stuck there even as i heard him jog upstairs to clean up...not that he needed to. Cas was tired, dishevelled almost and...still hot as hell. Oh fuck.

After about twenty minutes i think i was ready to throw my chemistry textbook across the room. It was clear my mind wasn't in the mood for homework but why the fuck was it so stuck on him. I wasn't dumb, despite the reputation jocks like me got. I got good grades –mostly- and an occasional low mark for stupid creative subjects like English but at the moment that balcony window was looking rather appealing to my textbook. This subject sucked at the best of times but it wasn't much easier with guys like Luc and Michael around.  
>"Piss off, man!" i snapped from my bed, slapping away the stupid ruler in Michael's hand. He just smirked from his place on the floor, eyes moving to Luc beside him quickly – who looked more focused on his game than the two of us.<br>"Lighten up, Dean." Michael grinned, poking me with the ruler again. "Come out with us after Lisa's party tonight. I heard Raph found out where that creep Isaac lives. We're thinking of paying him a visit."  
>"And what? Key slurs into his car like we did with Cas?" I snapped angrily, mentally slapping myself for it.<br>_What the hell was with me?  
><em>Apparently Luc was on the same wavelength.  
>"Dude, what the hell?" Luc retorted, pausing his game so he could glare at me. "Since when do you care so much about the little fag anyway? And what's with all this 'Cas' shit lately?"<br>"Nothing," i hissed, turning back to my chemistry work.  
>"It's still weird man." Michael said, turning to look at me over his shoulder. "You and him have gotten oddly friendly. You catch the gays or something- fuck!"<br>Michael dropped the ruler quickly, his hands clutching the top of his head as my textbook bounced onto the floor beside him.  
>"Dean! You owe me a new head!"<br>"Dude you give me Milan Lucic's hockey jersey and i still won't give you a new head." I growled with eyes narrowed on my 'friend' as he grabbed his pen, pretending to mock stab himself.  
>"You hurt me deeply man, i won't forget this."<br>Luc simply rolled his eyes before looking back at me. "He's kinda right man. You really were pretty weird and friendly with him. I'm blocking out half of yesterday." Luc shrugged and i could tell he instantly meant the time we spent with Cas the night before. "You gotta be careful, Dean. Everyone's gonna start to think that you're a fag too."  
>"Fuck off Luc; I haven't 'caught the gays' from no one." I growled, hitting his hand away as I crossed my arms against my chest. "It's not some fucking disease you just catch."<br>"Not filling us with confidence, Dean." Michael commented, shouting out as i picked up my textbook, slapping his across the back of the head with it roughly.  
>"Come off it, Mike. He's still normal." Luc sighed, finally unpausing his game. "It's disgusting that you and Novak are even paired together but just promise not to catch anything bro."<br>"You know what? Fuck you! Fuck both of you!" I threw my note book this time, narrowly missing Michael and i ignored the glare i received, storming out towards my car.  
><em>Can't catch the gays if you're already got it...<em>I added mentally as i walked, hating myself more and more for how true it felt right then.

I leant against the railing of my bedroom balcony later that afternoon, staring out at the falling rain. I ignored the numb feeling in my limbs from my clothes which were now cold and soaked through. I sighed, sipping the bottle in my hands as i tried to drown out the loud knocking from the front door beneath me.  
>"Dean Winchester, let me in now. You know Sam forgot his keys." Jo huffed. "Dean i swear i will break this door down...I'll tell your dad you were being difficult!"<br>I smirked as i took another sip. "The door's open Jo."  
>I could hear the groan from downstairs, the slam of the front door following it. Jo strolled into my room – Sam trailing along quietly just behind her – with her bag slung over her shoulder as she stood in costume. I could see the small frown on her face as i looked at her over my shoulder. Her catwoman costume fit and clung in all the right places and automatically my frown deepened.<br>She looked fuckable to the male eye.  
>Too fuckable.<br>_Guess who just got me as a permanent shadow tonight?  
><em>"You could have told me. You're damn lucky the front door has your balcony for a shelter or I'd be kicking your ass." Jo snapped, a hand on her hip.  
>"You know i disapprove of your costume immediately, right?" I said, my eyes looking over her costume for about the hundredth time. "Who did you say you were going with to this party?"<br>"Bela, Kaz and Ash and mental note: no you can't kill him. I'm well aware about the costume, blah, blah, blah. Save the speech Dean. I got it already from him" She sighed, jerking a thumb towards Sam standing in a superman costume with a barely there smile at Jo at her comment.  
>I smirked, nodding at my brother. "Hey Super-Sammy."<br>Sam rolled his eyes, slumping down into the chair behind him. "Get out of the rain, jerk. Getting sick is not going to get you out of tonight. Now are you ready to get dressed or what?"  
>"No, bitch." i said finally, turning to face them as i pulled away from the railing back into my room. "But Jo won't let me pull out without loss of limbs."<br>"Correct." she grinned a little evilly. "Now go get clean."  
>After a record timed shower, Jo flung her bag at me as i came out in my boxers, towel around my waist. I groaned loudly as it smacked me in the stomach.<br>"It's a good thing Kaz knows your sizes almost better than you do." She commented, smirking as I dumped the bag on my bed and pulled out the costume and mask. "Sam was no help at all."  
>"Who's crazy idea was it to have a superhero themed party again?" i grumbled, but the look on Jo's face made me shut my mouth quickly.<br>"It's Lisa, you know her." Sam retorted quickly with a roll of his eyes.  
><em>Fucking lisa...<br>_Jo groaned, pushing my shoulder. "Now hurry up and go get changed or we'll be late."  
>"Fine." I grumbled, walking reluctantly back into the bathroom, pulling the stupid costume on slowly. I was completely fine with not going but after Jo had chewed my ear off on the phone before she got home from Bela's, i had learnt it best not to argue. She was getting more fierce than Cas...<br>_Great, now you're thinking about Cas again..._  
>I frowned slightly. To be honest, i knew he'd be there tonight and that was half the reason i didn't want to attend. I didn't want to see him. Not til i sorted out myself and these stupid feelings again. I didn't like Cas, not in that way. I wasn't gay.<br>_Then why so nice? Why can't you ever keep your eyes off him?  
><em>Jo came in quickly, cutting off any retort my mind could make up as she began to work on my hair. I seriously would have chosen teen angst over Jo doing my hair any day.  
>God, I sounded like such a fucking girl.<br>I gripped the side of my desk chair in front of the mirror, praying to whatever form of higher power there was that it wouldn't be a total disaster. Jo rolled her eyes again at my face, slapping my shoulder. She had long ago given up with slapping me up the back of the head. Didn't want to ruin her good work yet she had told me as she continued to gel it with what looked like the 3 kilos of it in her hands.  
>"I think this is the best we can do." Jo sighed, slipping my mask on over my eyes. "It's not what i imagined but it's still pretty good."<br>"I look ridiculous." I groaned, glaring at her over my shoulder.  
>"You look amazing" she hummed to herself, "<br>I huffed. "Then why do I feel like an idiot? I'm not wearing this. Fuck that, I'm staying home Jo."  
>"I'm in a corset, tight costume and high heels. I'm in pain at the end of the night and you're complaining because you're dressed in something other than jeans and a ratty t-shirt?" Jo growled, hand grabbing the back of my neck painfully. "I guess i really am a bigger badass then you."<br>_She's baiting you...don't fall for it...don't let your ego come into this..._  
>"Fine but hurry up, I'm not staying longer than I have to." Stupid mouth not listening to my stupid head.<br>"Drama queen." She smirked, winking at Sam in the mirror as she disappeared out of my room.

Lisa Braden had never been one to do things half hearted and her parties were defiantly one of them. If you were lucky enough, you were invited. If you were useful, you were given an illusion of friendship for as long as she needed you but that position was left to as few people as possible. I smirked as i saw the DJ – some nerdy kid from the entertainment club. A perfect example of Lisa's manipulative power over Handover. An illusion of friendship and a hint of money i guessed looking at the kid.  
>Lisa's house was no exception to the perfection.<br>Most of the hockey team was already there, crowding around each other in one of the corners with a cheerleader on almost every one of their arms. My smirk grew as i caught sight of Luc in the middle. Lisa Braden was attached to his arm tightly. Now i did roll my eyes. Typical.  
>"I look ridiculous," i grumbled as kaz came to my side with Bela and Ash.<br>"You look awesome." Bela said unperturbed, looking at my batman outfit. "I could have picked something worse."  
>I forced a sarcastic grin at her. "Ah, Bela. So you're the bitch behind this. Good to know."<br>"Maybe." She smirked and I rolled my eyes, accepting one of the drinks in Ash's hands.  
>"You think this is spiked yet?" I whispered quietly.<br>"Probably not yet." Ash shrugged.  
>"God i wish it was." I sighed, staring into the cup as if it would spike itself due to sheer will power on my behalf. I knew i was going to need something to keep me normal and sane all night. "So who are you waiting for?"<br>"I saw Isaac around here somewhere." Ash said with a glance around.  
>Bela shrugged, "Jo's still probably getting Cas and Balthazar all dolled up knowing her..."<br>"Cas? Great." I muttered into my cup as i took a sip. Yep. Defiantly not spiked yet. Damn. "Wait, Balthazar? As in Balthazar Singer?"  
>"You know him?" Bela sounded surprised for a moment. "I'm guessing he doesn't know much about you and Cas then. Considering you are alive. Unlike you, Balthazar actually gives a shit about him."<br>Bela's grin grew as the song changed and she grabbed Kaz's hand quickly, trying to tug her to the dance floor.  
>"Come on, come on!" she smiled. "Kaz! We need to dance!"<br>"And what if i say no?" Kaz retorted, earning an eye roll from the other girl.  
>"Unacceptable answer!" Bela laughed as she grabbed Ash's wrist. "We'll even take boy-toy! Come on Kaz!"<br>Kaz gave up, her protest dying fairly quickly as Ash entwined their fingers. I saw Kaz's face redden slightly as Ash smiled down at her, pulling her softly to follow Bela.  
><em>Mental note: Defiantly kill the boy later.<br>_With a sigh i made my way towards the circle the hockey team had made in the corner and i could see Luc raise a brow as he caught sight of me, not moving from his place in the couch.  
>"Dean. Didn't think you were coming man." He said a little warily as he stuck a hand out, eyes giving me a once over. "Good to see you here though."<br>"Couldn't miss it," i nodded seriously, shaking his hand. "Had to apologize for being a jerk today, didn't i? I think I'm just losing my head a bit."  
>Luc seemed to relax, shaking my hand a little stronger. "It's okay man. I'm sure that sister and brother of yours have something to do with it, am i right? Jo too I imagine."<br>I looked up at Luc quickly.  
>"Relax, I've seen Novak and them at school. Friends or whatever. They're your family I guess so i expected them to say something." Luc shrugged. "I'm sure living with them at home going on about the fag isn't easy either."<br>I forced a small smile.  
>"You still hate them right? The fags?" Luc looked at me.<br>"Yeah," i nodded, something in my stomach not feeling quite right. "Of course man."  
>Luc smirked, "Good."<br>"Nice costume as always bro." I teased and i could see Luc laugh under his breath. He was wearing an old pair of jeans, a red shirt over the top, with the large letters DD on the chest in black. Dare devil. Figures. And as always with Luc, he had used the least effort as possible.  
>"I could say the same for you."<br>"Shut up. It was Jo's idea. Like i could be bothered getting a real costume for this stupid thing." I faked a laugh, Lisa looking rather insulted but Luc grinned.  
>"True that." He agreed. "What's this though? No date? People might start to think you're losing your touch."<br>"How am i supposed get girls tonight if i already got one on my arm? You taught me that, Luc." I lied and he seemed to take it, removing his arm from Lisa's shoulders slowly.  
>"You learnt something after all, man" he smirked.<br>I could see Lisa get taken under one of the other guys arms; Luc clearly done with her company. It was sad the way the team treated girls, especially the cheerleaders. Half the reason i wouldn't i let my sister or Jo become cheerleaders or hang with the team, let alone date one of them.  
>I leant back into the wall beside Luc, swirling the liquid around in my cup. Already i knew this was going to be like every other party or dance I'd been invited to at Handover. A dance or two with Jo, a dance or two with Kaz, a few dances with some other girls out of courtesy, spend the rest of the night on the wall with Luc and the team, Luc making filthy comments or checking out the girls that would sway past. That was when either one of us weren't hooking out with some random. Then at the end of the night leave with some girl – usually who we didn't even know the name of.<br>We were a charming pair.  
>I ignored the part of my head that called me a hypocrite for hating Ash when he was the good guy and i was the man-whore. Some role model for my sister i was.<br>I felt Michael fall onto the wall on my other side finally, Spiderman costume so cliché that i was starting to thank god i was dressed like i was. I raised a brow as i caught his line of sight, his eyes moving across Kaz as she danced with Ash and Bela.  
>"Not a chance in hell." I spoke up and Michael looked at me with a look that he tried to deem innocent.<br>"What?"  
>"Not a chance in hell. Not my little sister." I repeated and Michael grumbled under his breath. "Besides, she's way into Ash to even consider dating you. I ain't goanna let you fuck with that."<br>_If it were between you and him, I'd pick him every time because he isn't like us. He's the one Cas trusts not to hurt her..._  
>I felt Luc elbow me roughly and i sighed as i let my eyes move over to him. His eyes however, were stuck to the wall across the hall from us. His whole expression screamed anger and disgust.<br>"Can you believe this bro? Lisa invited him here. For fucks sake." Luc practically spat and i ignored the urge to laugh when he was in a mood like this.  
>I choked as my eyes finally landed where my friend was looking and i could feel the moisture as drink spilled inelegantly down my chin. In shock i told myself.<br>Cas stood at the top of the stairs, smiling at someone over his shoulder as he came through the doors. He was dressed as what I assumed to be Wiccan which I laughed mentally at.  
><em>The gay superhero's a nice touch, Cas...<em>  
>I smirked as i saw Jo was not too far behind, pushing Cas' head none too softly. Cas smirked, shaking his head slightly as he looked at her from head to toe. I still hadn't gotten over Jo's costume yet Kaz's Wonder Woman costume wasn't much better. Both girls were dead when they got home for not telling me about their costumes. I would never have let them out of the house like that if i had my say. Then again that's probably why they never told me anything.<br>Cas bit his lip as he turned to look around the room beneath him, hands sliding into the tight pockets nervously. My eyes narrowed slightly as I saw Balthazar swagger in, throwing a loose arm around Cas' shoulder. He was dressed as who I guessed was 'Speed' by both his costume and the vague knowledge I had of comic books from Cas when we were younger. The fact Speed was Wiccan's brother was a point that had for some reason gotten stuck in my head.  
>I saw Cas shake him off with a laugh, Balthazar smirking as he motioned the three of them forward. My blood boiled under my skin but I shook my head quickly.<br>This was just Cas; i shouldn't have been reacting like this. He's the Handover fag.  
>"I dunno, Bro. Maybe Lisa's trying to turn him straight again?" I tried, shrugging despite the fact i had not looked away from Cas yet. I chose not to retort as i heard Luc growl out 'I wish she would succeed already' under his breath.<br>I could remember throwing out some bullshit excuse about needing to talk to my sister, cutting off whatever Luc had been trying to talk to me about. I tore away from the team, weaving through the crowd of people in the large house.  
>There was a smirk on Kaz's face as I finally made my way through the crowd; Cas, Jo and Balthazar not aware of my presence as they laid against the wall comfortably, laughing amongst themselves.<br>"Hey Dean." Cas stiffened immediately, eyes moving over to me and I pretended not to notice the smirk on Balthazar's face as he continued to talk with Jo.  
>"You know I disapprove of your costumes right?" i smirked at Kaz and gestured down to her costume. I did my best to ignore Cas beside me as I sat down, his shoulder brushing mine lightly. I leant into the touch slightly before i realised what i was doing, pulling away just as fast.<em><br>You've lost your mind, didn't you know that?_  
>"Of course. I was wondering how long you'd be able to hold your tongue. Jo and I picked out these with the sole purpose to piss you off. Behold our success." Kaz smiled, capturing my attention as i came out of my thoughts. "By the look Jo is sending me behind your back, you or Sam have already given her the speech. Save it, we know it off by heart. Hey, have you seen Bela? Jo was asking where she was."<br>"She's around here somewhere. She was dancing with you and Ash last time i saw her." I said, looking around. "You want me to go find her?"  
>"I'm sure we can handle it." She winked, pulling my mask forward just a little before she let it go, letting it snap back. I winced, sending her a glare and I could hear the choked laugh from beside me. "Costume looks awesome by the way. Jo did a good job. You look hot, right Cas?"<br>I could see Cas flinch, eyes wide as he froze beside me I forced a smirk, letting my shoulder bump his softly.  
>"I'm joking! Jesus, Cas. Relax. I promised Dean won't bash you for something i made up." Kaz smirked, patting his arm and Cas relaxed barely. "Now if you excuse me, I see Bela so Jo and I will catch you guys later. Have fun."<br>I opened my mouth quickly, my sister dancing out of my fingers as she slipped into the crowd. I looked over to Jo quickly, she and Balthazar somehow managing to sneak away by the end of our conversation. I winced internally as Cas stiffened up again, the two of us hiding behind a smirk.  
>"Cas." I nodded, burying the twisting feelings in my stomach. "Nice costume. Bela's idea too?"<br>"Umm…Yeah...but Jo helped me out" He nodded slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Kinda stupid. I'm feeling more gay than usual."  
>"At the moment, I think most guys do." I smirked, pulling my inner jock defences up. "I mean, you look pretty good and stuff."<em><br>Shit! Not the way i meant that to sound!_  
>"Compared to most of the people at Handover, you know?" i amended but my face grew hot. Cas muttered out a mall 'thanks' as the two of us ducked our heads, falling into an awkward silence. I prayed for a distraction. Any distraction.<br>"Hello you two."_  
><em>_**OKAY, NOT THAT DISTRACTION!**_  
>"Creep." I plastered a sarcastic smile as i looked at him. "I am so <strong>not<strong> glad to see you."  
>"The feeling is mutual, i assure you Dean." He replied, mimicking my false pleasant tone as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "Nice costume."<br>I glared, noticing the Hulkling costume he was in. I knew my comic books well enough. "Yeah … thanks"  
>Isaac shrugged a shoulder. "I gotta say though, Dean. I'm surprised you're even sitting here let alone being civil – to Cas at least. Shouldn't you be in a dark corner hooking up with some drunken cheerleader like the rest of your fatuous team?"<br>"Whatever," i scoffed; hating the fact i didn't have a better comeback than that. Or that I even knew what 'fatuous' meant.  
>Balthazar had chosen the perfect time to come back, the elder boy standing between Isaac and I are he tried to distract the creep. From what I knew of Balthazar, he was the peacemaker in Cas' life. A rare one.<br>Moving my gaze away from Isaac as he, Balthazar and Cas talked; i pushed down the feeling in my chest as I saw Isaac slip comfortably into the spot beside Cas. I jumped slightly as I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, Balthazar smirking slightly as I spun to face him.  
>"Sorry," he chuckled, patting my shoulder. "You got a minute? I wanna talk,"<br>"Yeah…yeah, alright" I agreed quickly.  
>Pulling me into one of the rooms, Balthazar locked the door behind me and leant against the door, arms now folded against his chest.<br>"Okay, spill it" he smirked, looking at me almost smugly and I raised a brow, mimicking his stance against the opposite wall.  
>"I have no idea what you're talking about."<br>Balthazar rolled his eyes quickly. "You know…Cassie used to talk about 'Winchester' all the time, how much of an asshole he was. Never mentioned Dean anymore but I was too fond of my life to mention it. If Cas didn't talk about someone anymore there was always a reason. Now I didn't put two and two together back then… cause well, you guys were kids when I saw you. You were just 'Dean,' Cassie's little pal that used to follow me and Anna everywhere but when I saw you at the pub the other night…"  
>"I was a dick." I finished. "I'm well aware. I'm Cas' bully; he hates me, end of story. Now can I go?"<br>"You said '_He_ hates me' Dean, you realise that?" Balthazar continued, ignoring me completely. "Not '_we_ hate each other' or '_I_ hate him' you said '_he_.' You did the same thing at the bar the other night too."  
>"So?" I snapped.<br>"You don't hate him…do you?" Balthazar said slowly, carefully.  
>"What? Of course I do." I snapped, Balthazar's glare making me quieten down slightly. "I mean, no I don't hate him per say, but it's not like I'm friends with him or anything. I'm his bully. That's it!"<br>"Careful, Dean, your emotions are showing."  
>My eyes narrowed, face etched with confusion as I looked at Balthazar.<br>"You confuse me, you know?" Balthazar sighed, shifting against the door. "You give off the bad boy persona, fair enough. I did the same all through High School too so I can't give you any crap about that. Most of the time, you act like you genuinely don't give a shit about anyone, sisters excluded of course but… with Cassie…."  
>"What about him?" I snapped and a small smirk tugged at his lips.<br>"With him you're different." He said truthfully, shrugging a shoulder. "You supposedly 'hate' him, sure. I don't doubt you for a second when you say you are his bully. How do you think I knew so much about 'Winchester' the asshole? Cassie's family to me and my dad. We're the rare people he trusts completely. Me especially. So as soon as I got home, yeah, my mum told me about the lockers thing. Also told me about the civility thing. Now I was confused to begin with. You can't blame me for that. Then I saw you with him at the bar and just now…and I kinda see things a little clearer"  
>My eyes narrowed suspiciously "Meaning what exactly?"<br>"From what I saw?" He asked, gesturing to himself for a moment. "I think it's a pack of shit. Yes, I believe you and your jock buddies hate the fact that he's gay. I get that. I don't like it but I accept there are narrow minded bigots out there. You're different though. You don't hate him because you think being gay is contagious. You hate him because he never told you, you hate him because when you found out you were embarrassed and to be honest, I think you hate him because above everything else, you have to. You act like you hate him but that's all it is. An act. You still care and you hate him and yourself for it. Below the jerk and asshole I saw the other night, I could see that you actually gave a shit that he was sitting in my bar drinking himself into oblivion. I think you would have driven him home if he had accepted or actually did need a ride. I mean come on; I was just out there with you. You looked ready to kill Isaac the second you heard his voice, let alone saw him. Literally. Why do you think I stepped in?"  
>"You don't know me." I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose as i squeezed my eyes shut tightly. "What are you even doing here Balthazar? Cause if it's just to annoy me, I'd love if you could tell Cas you're going home and leave."<br>Balthazar sighed deeply, shaking his head softly. "I'm here because Cassie needed me to be. You think this civil behaviour isn't fucking with his head? You've spent the past 5 years making his life hell and now this? The kid can't handle it. He's had enough shit to deal with besides your mood swings. So yeah, he wanted me here as an escape plan. A ride home if need be. You and I both know your sister, Jo and Bela would just because of you but I would cause I get him like no one else does. I'm his brother...cause family don't end in blood with us Singers."  
>I said nothing, Balthazar holding the door open as he bit his tongue. He caught my arm as I tried to move past him, raising a slight brow at my glare.<br>"He came to sit at the bar after his thing with Isaac last night. Usually he just disappears into his room unless he's had a shit day. Then he sits at the bar. I dropped him at your place afterwards though, I knew he had some sleepover thing with your sisters. I saw your car in the driveway so I knew you'd be there, I was kinda hesitant but he said he'd be fine anyway. I don't know why I'm bothering to warn you but Cassie and Isaac had a disagreement. Cassie was mumbling under his breath about it after a couple shots and I didn't get much from him. All I know was your name seemed to be a constant thing muttered...Just, keep that in mind when you go back out there, hmm?"  
>"Fine," I nodded quickly, wrenching my arm away from Balthazar.<br>"I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Tell Cassie I said to be careful, alright?" Balthazar smiled, laughing at my tense structure. "Relax Dean. Cassie doesn't believe that you're in love with him, no matter how many times Isaac tells him."  
>I nodded quickly, Balthazar slipping out with a chuckle before my eyes widened "Hang on, wait! what?"<p>

I leant against the wall further, the same position I had been in most of the night and took another sip of my drink, enjoying the slight buzz it gave me. It had been spiked a while ago and I enjoyed the warm feeling the alcohol was giving me.  
>My eyes followed Isaac over to the wall with Cas, Isaac smirking at the nervous looking Cas as he slung an arm over his shoulders.<br>I saw Cas send a nervous glance at me and the jocks and cheerleaders not too far away. He knew they were pushing their luck but for now, no one was saying anything.  
>"Come on, Dean." Luc's elbow to my side pulled some of my attention away from the couple but not my eyes as he continued. "Dance with Lisa or Meg. You've been on the wall almost all night except to dance a few times. What happened to getting some chicks tonight?"<br>"I don't feel like it man" I lied quickly. "Besides, every time I dance with some chick she's giving me her number, grabbing my ass or basically trying to hook up on the centre of the floor, Bro."  
>"And? The problem is?" Luc said, his mouth hanging open. "Come on, I know the fags are making you sick but come on man. Dance with someone…"<br>"Maybe later" I nodded, my eyes glued as Isaac pulled Cas closer to his side with a wider smirk.  
>I hadn't even realized I was squeezing the cup till I felt the sticky liquid drip down my hands and I swore softly, relaxing my grip as I threw the plastic cup into the bin. I ignored it as Bela smirked beside me, unhooking arms with Jo and one of the other cheerleaders she was gossiping with.<br>"Well if everyone will excuse me, I'm going to go steal my gay boyfriend for a dance" Bela smirked as she and Jo mouthed something out to each other.  
>I stiffened slightly. I didn't have a good feeling about this.<br>"Come on, Dean. You're with me" Jo smiled as she brushed her hair over her shoulder, taking my hand quickly to drag me to the floor.  
>"Really, Jo this song?" i started, my words fading as i caught her glare on me, my hand in hers a little too tightly now.<br>"Dean Winchester, what the hell is going on with you?" she snapped quickly, pinching my arm sharply and I yelped slightly.  
>"Ow, Jo! What the hell?"<br>Jo rolled her eyes dramatically "I could ask you the same thing. You supposedly hate Cas yet what's this I see? You being all pissy when you watch him and Isaac hang out.."  
>"So?"<br>Jo sent me a look, one that only being her brother I could decipher. Probably because I had sent her the same 'are-you-really trying-to-kid-me?' look a thousand times.  
>"I'm not gay, Jo. I just don't like the guy." i snapped quietly in her ear, the glare firm on my face. "Why are you bringing this up?"<br>"Cause like Kaz and Sam, i know you better than you know yourself." Jo said, both of us stopping our dance as she looked at me. "You're an open book, Dean. If anyone looked hard enough or actually paid attention. I know I may not be able to read you as well as Kaz seems able to but i know you still care about Cas even a little bit. Is it so hard for the two of you to be friends?"  
>I glanced over at Cas and Bela, the two of them laughing as they danced. Bela had one hand entwined with Cas' above her head, Cas smirking as he spun her around. Being around each other so easily. I always had that with Cas when we were kids. Luc and my friendship was nothing like that.<br>I missed it.  
>"Yeah, it is that hard" i whispered finally. Jo looked at me with raised brown and i groaned, letting go of her hand. "Don't, Jo. I mean it. No more bringing this up."<br>"Dean-" She started, frowning as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. I saw her frown deepen and I froze.  
>"what?" I asked quickly, Jo ignoring me as she motioned Ash and Sam over.<br>"Ash, I have to go check something out. Mind Cas! On second thoughts, mind Dean too. Do not let them leave here! Sam can you come with me?"  
>"What, why?" Ash asked, leaning over her shoulder only to match her frown. "You should get Bela and Kaz...but in truth i really think you should tell him"<br>"What? What is it?" I asked quickly. Jo's glare turned to me, her hand in front of my face.  
>"Nuh-uh. You stay here. I'll be back." She said quickly as she turned to Ash again. "Not now...later..."<br>"Jo!" I spun at the voice as did Jo, the two of us spying Kaz as she bounded closer. "what wrong? I could see you from the wall."  
>"Come on, Kaz, let's just go," Jo sighed, tugging on the girl's hand.<br>I gave the girls and Sam a few meters before i began to follow.  
>"Hey, the girls said stay here" Ash called out and I waved him off, motioning him to sit as i began to move through the crowd. If this was my fault, no way was i going to sit by when something had angered both my sister and Jo that much. I crept behind them, pausing in the crowd as the girls looked around before disappearing into one of the rooms, Sam close behind them.<br>Okay, so i may not have been the sneakiest person ever and it didn't really surprise me as the door opened when i reached it, Sam looking at me with a half unsurprised, half nervous expression on his face.  
>"If Kaz asks, i didn't let you in" was all he said as he motioned me past.<br>i smirked widely. "Thanks Bitch."  
>"no worries jerk" Sam smiled hesitantly back.<br>Even as i entered i could see Kaz and Jo glare at me as i pushed past them towards the door they were currently making their way to. The room behind it was almost dark; the small bit of light there was coming from several red and pink lamps around the room, several of the occupants with joints between their fingers. Very cliché. That wasn't got my attention.  
>At the time I couldn't explain it. Later on I would call it 'sticking up on behalf of my sister and Jo' and to the guys in the hockey team it was simply cause 'he was some loser who saying shit about me to some girl I was checking'<br>Somehow i knew Isaac could tell that was never the case.  
>"What the hell" I yelled, pushing Isaac away from the girl roughly, sending him into the wall behind him. I ignored the girl who was currently looking at me with hints of confusion and anger. I could vaguely hear Jo behind me; no doubt scaring the girl away. Not that i cared, all my focus on that stupid prick. I was sure she wouldn't hang around long anyway.<br>"What the hell is your problem!" Isaac snapped, dusting off himself quickly.  
>"You are!" I yelled before I could stop myself. "What the hell were you playing at? Some random girl? Really? You forgetting the guy who you left out there or something?"<br>Isaac laughed then, surprising even me as he shook his head slightly  
>"Please Dean, don't even try and act all high and mighty. As if you haven't had a fling or two on the side."<br>I opened and shut my mouth quickly. He knew he had me but I wasn't about to stop mid rant.  
>"You're not me. You aren't a jerk" I growled, leaning closer to him. "At least i thought you weren't. I was beginning to think you were actually a good guy for Cas..."<br>_**Lie**__. Not that he needs to know that.  
><em>"I make Cas happy and I protect him most of the time from you and your Neanderthal friends. What have you done beside toss him in dumpsters?" Isaac smirked, folding his arms.  
>"You're just a <em>punk<em> who doesn't deserve to have _Cas_ as his _boyfriend_!" I spat, accentuating some of my words as i pushed his shoulders roughly, knocking him over. I launched at him again, punching him as hard as I could in the cheek, which would have been more satisfying if my hand didn't throb from pain on impact. Isaac stumbled though, and I took the opportunity to punch him again, this time in the gut.  
>Now that was satisfying.<br>Isaac doubled over in pain, letting out a frustrated growl as he finally reacted, throwing himself at me. I was able to block the first punch, narrowly missing the second which collided with the side of my jaw. Isaac and i were a tangle on the floor by now, Isaac having kicked out my legs from underneath me. I huffed as i felt the sharp pain in my side but i ignored it, feeling better as my fist collided with his face again.  
>"Stop!"<br>I was half ready to punch Isaac in the face again, my fist raised as i sat on his chest when i heard the voice break through the haze. I froze, my face falling and i could see Isaac smirk beneath me.  
>It was Cas.<br>I looked up quickly, my eyes wide as i noticed how close he actually was. I could see Ash a little way behind him, his face apologetic as he looked from me to the girls.  
>Cas wasn't crying yet but even from here i could see the moisture in his eyes. The silence that fell over the room was strangely deafening and i shifted under Cas' gaze.<br>Concentrating on my breathing – why was it so hard to fucking breathe anyway - i stood and backed away from Isaac slowly, the stupid dickhead smirking before he shot a weak smile at Cas as he knelt by his side. My skin felt unbearably warm and my chest tighten as my shaking hands balled into fist at my side. I wanted to punch Isaac all over again. Cas flinched but relaxed as i willed my hands to unclench. My hands were still shaking.  
>"What the hell happened?" Cas whispered finally but the voice was loud in the now practically empty room.<br>"He attacked me. He's a fucking jealous asshole" Isaac whispered, his eyes still on me but i could see the smirk fighting to dash on his face. My blood boiled under my skin.  
>"That's a fucking lie!" I cursed, stepping just a little bit closer to Cas and he flinched. I pretended not to notice. "Dude, you gotta believe me. This guy is an ass. He's not even gay!"<br>"He knows that you, Neanderthal..." Isaac breathed, wincing as he breathed deeply. I fought back a smirk at his pain before the words actually set in. "Wait, what?"  
>Cas looked at me shocked, helping Isaac up to his feet. "Is that what the hell this was about? Defending my honour or some shit?"<br>"I…um...i…" My throat closed up slightly.  
>"Isaac's bisexual. He doesn't care if its guy or girl, as long as the feelings are there but here's the thing. We're friends Winchester. Well, me and him have what loosely classifies as friendship at the most..."<br>"So you don't care even a little that he had some girls' tongue half way down his throat!" i growled and i felt Ash place a hand on my chest to keep me from throwing myself at Isaac again. I wanted to fucking hit the guy till he was black and blue.  
>Cas flinched before he spoke "We're just friends, Winchester. I have no claim on him just as he has no claim on me. Not that it should be any of your business anyway" he shook his head with a slight sigh. "How'd you even find him?"<br>I could see Jo a little behind him, clutching to her phone like it was bomb but also a shield. I finally understood.  
>"Jo..." i whispered. "Someone sent you a picture didn't they? That's why you left?"<br>Cas turned to face Jo, his hand out but his face was blank.  
>"Someone sent a text that said to come find Isaac and it seemed that promiscuity was one trait he and Meg had in common. That was all" Jo fumbled slightly and i could see Cas nod, an arm looping through Isaac's as he helped steady him on his feet.<br>"W-where are you going?" I asked before i could help myself.  
>"Where do you think I'm going, Winchester? I'm going to help my friend after you punched the shit out of him for no reason. I don't need your permission for that"<br>The venom in his voice made me flinch and for some reason the response made me livid. "I was looking about for you!"  
>"And why the hell did you do that?" Cas shouted, even the girls flinching at his tone. "You keep saying civil and all this bullshit but all you're doing is confusing me more. We hate each other. Neither of us has nor ever will change, no matter how much the other wishes they would. I'm <strong>gay<strong>, you're a **dick** and the sooner you get that through your head the **better**!"  
>I clenched my jaw, Cas shaking his head barely as he removed his eyes from me.<br>"You should go home...you look like shit" he whispered, tightening his grip on Isaac's arm over his shoulder, holding him up.  
>"Why can't you just fucking trust me?" I snarled, not even noticing as i shouldered past Isaac again, my fist leaving an indentation in the wood as i punched the door open or the trickle of blood from my split knuckle.<br>"Dean. Dean! Hey bro, stop!" a voice called and i yanked my arm away as i felt a hand wrap around it but i directed my glare down to the floor. Luc's eyes widened as he saw me. "Dude, what the hell? You got into a fight? Who the fuck was it? We'll go get the guys. Show them what it means to mess with one of us."  
>"It's nothing. I dealt with it, Luc" i growled to the floor. "I-I'm gonna head out, I just need some time to think about some stuff. I'll find my own way home, kay?"<br>Luc watched me warily "You sure? You look like shit, bro"  
>"I've heard!" i snapped, yanking my arm away from his grip roughly again. "Sorry...yeah I'm sure...I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"<br>"Yeah, alright bro…" Luc agreed slowly. "Hey, listen, you feeling okay bro? You've been acting weird lately…"  
>"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I nodded, faking a small smile as I started to walk off. "I'll see you later, right?"<br>"Yeah…" He nodded, eyes never leaving me as I walked off. "…Later."

a/n: oooooohhhhhhhhhh Dean, what did you do? Poor Cas is so confuseddd.

**Okay so i would really love feedback on this chapter. I was 'ummm-ing' and ahhh-ing about posting this one so i would really like to know what you all think...**

**Ahh Balthazar, aint he just a smart cookie :3**

**Much love all,**

**Eden**

**xoxo **


	7. GUYS!

**HEY GUYS!**

**Listen I am SOOOO SOOOO sorry I haven't updated in AGES! My laptop has kinda blown up so I've lost the next few chapters of my story. …im re-writing it but like I said, I currently don't have a computer so it might take me a while to post them up. **

**SOOO SORRY GUYS!**

**I'll post as soon as I can! PROMISE! **

**And I just wanna shout out to my lovely loyal fans who are staying with me! Thanks for being so patient. **

**(also, ideas to further the story or reviews are always appreciated)**


	8. Chapter 7

**a/n: heyyyy what is this? A WILD UPDATE APPERS! **

**Im soooo sooooo sorry ive taken so long to update guys. Ive gotten a full time job, STILL haven't gotten a new laptop (borrowed mums one to upload this) and have generally just been really really busy so I apologise. I also apologise if this really sucks :S**

CHAPTER SEVEN  
><strong>- cas -<br>**  
>I threw myself onto my bed the second I got home, burying my face deep into my pillow. I didn't need to look around to know I was alone, Jody and Adam obviously at the park somewhere while Balthazar and his father were working downstairs for another few hours. It was still a lucky break that bobby hadn't locked the windows yet. I wasn't exactly in the mood to be walking through the front door.<br>Isaac would heal and unsurprising his ego and general behaviour was completely unaffected. I suspected the joints were going to his head although I was beginning to think the same about myself. And dean for that matter.  
>I yanked my pillow out from the end of my bed, burying my face in it as I let out a scream of frustration.<br>Isaac and I has left the party not long after Dean, somehow managing to slip past Luc on the way out. The two of us had collapsed against the large sandstone wall that surrounded Lisa's property, Isaac already smiling despite the bloody and bruised face he was sporting. I took the cigarette off him, sharing the large bottle he had somehow gotten as we had left the party.  
>I hated myself for it but before long Isaac and I were way past the land of self control and brain functions.<br>The part I hated was that I knew I had only let myself get to that point because of Dean. Because I was angry at him and his stupid opinions. That I wanted to feel anything but hurt and angry.  
>I never expected it would have turned quick and sour.<br>"Just an experiment" isaac had called it, reaching up to hook around a hand around my neck. There was almost a small self satisfied smirk on his face when our lips met, Isaac's mouth opened against mine instantly and I did nothing but encourage his actions, grabbing the lapels of his jacket. The need to breathe drew my mouth away for a moment, Isaac kissing and biting softly down my neck to my shoulder.  
>I didn't know why Isaac has pulled away sharply, his expression unreadable for only a moment as he looked down at me. "What did you say?"<br>"nothing" I had replies and god how I wishes it was true now  
>"You said Dean," Isaac had told me brusquely, his face blank and I gaped at him for a moment. "You called me Dean."<br>I had wanted to hit him so badly as I pulled away, standing only for Isaac to rise with me, pushing me so I was against the wall, Isaac holding me there with a large, triumphant smirk.  
>"You've got your boxers in a twist for the straightest straight man that has ever straight-walked their way through our hallowed halls. " he had said.<br>"I thought you were better than that, mate." he had said  
>"How long?" he has said<br>His smirk widened as I swore at him trying to shove him away. Isaac somehow finding great delight as he held me there, whispering a cocky and smug "You've been thinking about him so long that you've sublimated it. Come on, indulge me a little. How long have you been thinking these wicked thoughts about the elusive Dean Winchester?"  
>I had shoved him hard, watching his eyes go wide with shock as he staggered back. "I said drop it, Isaac."<br>Isaac's smile disappeared. "That long."  
>"You mention this to anyone and I will destroy you." I bit back, calling on an old, angry part of myself that had been dormant for so long I'd almost forgotten that it existed at all. Almost. "Do you hear me, Seth Elijah Isaac? I will hurt you. Just because I haven't doesn't mean I can't."<br>"You've had that card on me for some time," Isaac had observed and for some reason his blank face and tone did nothing but make me uneasy, "And this is how you choose to use it. That's interesting mate. That's very interesting."  
>I left quickly with drink and cigarettes in hand, content to let Isaac have the final word just this once.<br>Lord knew it would not be the last I heard of it. Not yet.

.

**  
>- dean -<strong>

Monday came quicker than I expected, kaz and sans worried looks - or jo's what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-dumbass glares -not subsiding as we pulled into Handover.  
>I didn't remember much of the night after I had left Lisa's party. I could still remember grabbing a bottle of Lisa's strongest from her liquor cabinet before i began to walk home, the bruise on my face still aching. I couldn't remember the name of the cheerleader who had passed me not too much later with an offer of a ride. The one i had ended up taking home that night. Nameless cheerleader had blushed about twenty shades of red as she passed Kaz and Sam at the front door at 2 am, her shirt backwards and hair a mess. Kaz and Sam's glare snapped to me as they reached the top of the stairs, spotting me in my bedroom doorway in just my boxers. I didn't bother to reply as i closed the door slowly, my glare matching their own. They thought i was a disgusting man-whore. What else was new? Especially for Kaz.<br>The rest of the weekend hadn't been much better and i passed time about the same way i had after Kaz party, ignoring the looks Sam and Kaz would send me when i wasn't locked in my room alone or with one of the many cheerleaders – more than often meg. I never gave my brain much time to think about what i was doing, drowning out my thoughts with the loud music that had been playing since I had gotten back from the party. It didn't take a genius to know I still wasn't myself, my letterman jacket left forgotten on my bed was proof enough of that yet Sam and Kaz kept their mouths shut. I knew getting in another fight was not part of their plans after our one only minutes before in the car.  
>To make matters worse, word had gotten around about name-less cheerleader and Lisa was on my case. Just another thing I couldn't be fucked dealing with.<br>Luc followed behind me quietly when ewe met up at school– Sam or Kali obviously warning him about my strange mood- as we headed to the room. I couldn't help the slap of confusion that hit me as Isaac and cas caught my eye.  
>The two of them were seated a couple seats apart, cas pulling bela and Jo to sit either side of him, Kaz taking up a hesitant seat in front of him. Isaac raised a quick brow, a knowing smirk on his face never the less. What the hell was going on?<br>I shoved my fist into my hoodie pockets, walking into the room finally with a false smile.  
>"Hey Creep" I greeted, giving it a bit more energy so it didn't sound like I wanted to hit him. Which, trust me, I did.<br>I pushed the chairs apart, walking through the middle as I took up the rare seat behind cas and my smirk faltered as isaacs eyes moved from me to cas, raising a brow as their eyes met.  
>"Winchester" He said, eyes not moving from cas. "There something I can help you with?"<br>"Just being nice and saying hello." I shrugged with a smirk. "How's the face?"  
>"About as good as yours apparently" he nodded, shaking his head slightly. "Honestly, Winchester. You should really get out of Narnia sometime soon. All these violent rages. I think the closet air is getting to your head."<br>"Isaac." cas whispered before I had a chance to snap back, my eyes widening at the disapproving look he was sending his little friend. "Leave him alone. He's just trying to get a rise out of you. He's just being his normal asshole self."  
><em>Ouch, that hurt…<br>_"Yeah right" Isaac sniggered, flicking a look at me but cas threw a balled up piece of paper at his head, catching attention.  
>"Drop it Isaac." He mouthed quickly, not quickly enough however for me to miss it.<br>"Relax mate, just having some fun." Isaac winked and I could see the split second panic cross cas' face before his glare intensified.  
>"Leave it Isaac, he's not worth it."<br>"Thanks cas" I huffed quietly, ignoring as he cocked an eyebrow.  
>"Like you actually care" he replied over his shoulder, shrugging as he looked back to the front.<br>I couldn't help as I leant forward, ignoring Isaac as I let my lips unconsciously graze over the back of cas' ear, the boy shuddering slightly as i whispered out a soft, "Actually…I do…"  
>"Yeah, since when?" he whispered, eyes moving to look at me briefly. I couldn't help as my grin grew, catching sight of Isaac just over his shoulder, watching curiously.<br>"It's a new thing. I promised Sam and Kaz that if i didn't get expelled I'd be civil to everyone then i realized that even i couldn't have that much control so i settled for just siblings, Jo...and you." I whispered back with a smirk. I didn't pretend not to notice the way Drew seemed to tighten his grip around belas shoulders or the expressions flittering over isaacs face. "Hey, a promise is a promise."

I skated fluidly over the ice of the hockey rink, movements sharp and precise. It had already been an hour and no one had come looking for me despite my absence in chemistry. In truth, i had been hoping no one would. I had the pucks lined up and ready to go at the face-off line in the centre.  
>"I've got a lovely bunch of hockey pucks, do-dee-do-do; here they are all lined up in a row, bum-bum-bum; one smack, two smacks, imagine they're Isaac's head!" I sung angrily to myself along with the tune of 'Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.'<br>My head was wasn't clear like I had been hoping it would be, my thoughts driving me more insane by the second. Even hockey – it seemed - was not helping like I thought it would. It just gave me more time to think and get even more confused.  
>If that was possible.<br>"You know, I thought i could find you here." A voice called, the tone teasing and i spun around, wide eyed to the source. "But i never expected you to be an angry singer."  
>"What do you want meg?" I growled.<br>Her smirk grew as she leant against the wall of the rink, even as she shivered slightly, pulling the black cloak around herself tighter and covering the floral corset underneath.  
>I rolled my eyes, turning back to start hitting the pucks again "My jackets over there. Take it if you're cold"<br>"That's not why I'm here" she rolled her eyes, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "You know, i heard about the fight at Lisa's party. Luc seemed pretty pleased when he saw the state of Isaac when he left with castiel. I still think he was angry you didn't tell him it was one of the gay boys you were fighting. I'm just hoping you have a good reason for this weirdness, Winchester. Otherwise i think you and I might be done for a while."  
>"We hooked up once, meg" i groaned, finally facing back to her. "And what is it with people calling me weird lately?"<br>"People are starting to think you're gay now, winchester" she said, her tone laced with irritation as she glared. "And do you know what that makes me and the girls you've hooked up with? Your big gay beards. I'm not good with that."  
>"Shut up, meg. Everyone knows I'm not dating you or Lisa or any of those other girls." I snapped, hitting another puck roughly. It smashed loudly against the wall, missing the net by inches. I growled lowly.<br>"Which makes it that much worse!" She bit back quickly as a skated to the wall, coming face to face with her. "I'm a cheerleader and I'm a bitch, Winchester. Just don't take me as a dumbass."  
>"I don't and you know th-"<br>My words were cut off, my eyes widening when i felt meg's lips on mine. I wanted to pull away. It wasn't because meg wasn't beautiful. Hell it wasn't that she was a bitch most of the time or the slight fact that she scared me.  
>It was the fact for some unknown reason; i was imagining someone else in my head. Someone i wasn't even friends with anymore. The very someone i was mad at right now.<br>Cas.  
>It scared the fuck out of me.<br>"I-i can't" I said quickly, jerking my face away from her. "I'm sorry"  
>She smiled slightly, fingers curling around my sleeve softly. "Yeah I know."<br>Seeing my wide-eyed, confused face she continued "Listen, I may not be very smart sometimes, winchester but I know people and their relationships. I know bela and Jo would make an awesome match if given a chance although i am 85 percent sure they're about to start dating in secret, I know Luc and me would be good friends but never last as a couple but he would last with someone kind like kaz and i know you. I knew the first day I saw you and cas together, the way you guys looked at each other. Not your expression but your eyes. Despite that one was throwing the other in the dumpster; you guys were going to be the perfect power couple. I've just been waiting for you to man up and realise it but you seem more scared of admitting you're like him than Luc is of somehow catching it. "  
>"m-meg…?" I managed out, eyes wide.<br>"You like castiel. You wouldn't feel this confused and angry if you didn't. That's why you always used to pick on him; you wanted to make sure he knew you existed since you knew you could never be friend with him. Not here, not Handover. But Winchester...you messed up." she smirked " You made him hate you and as much as you want to try and be nice and make up for it now, he thinks you're up to something"  
>My mouth gapped open as i tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Listening to meg now, i wondered how long she had been aware of my feelings, my reasons before i was.<br>"And?" i whispered finally, dropping my eyes to my skates. And now what would happen? How would i be now? What would i do about cas now? Meh seemed to read the questions on my face.  
>"Exactly what you don't want to. You leave him alone." She said bluntly<br>my eyes sprung up,  
>"He has Isaac, Winchester." she point out and i scoffed.<br>"Isaac is an ass" i growled. "He was with that girl at Lisa's party. I saw him, meg. I like setting stuff on fire; i like getting into trouble and doing stupid shit without thinking. I own that. But you know I'm not a liar."  
>"Look." meg cut in, her glare making me shift uncomfortably. "I know you're not but my word is not going to get castiel to believe you any more than he does now. I haven't spoken to anyone else about Isaac and his relationship habits but this is still castiels life. You can't make any decisions for him. You can't even admit to yourself that you're gay!"<br>I opened my mouth to protest but the look meg shot me made my mouth snap shut.  
>"Listen, I'm not saying Isaac and castiel will get together, I'm not saying Isaac is a good guy but the two of them are pretty damn close friends. You should be happy for them" She continued, shoving her hands onto her hips with a huff "Now, are you going to stop wanting to kill Isaac and just pretend to be happy for them?"<br>"No" I said truthfully, shaking my head  
>"It's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?" meg sighed. "Fine, I'll take it. Just try and keep yourself platonic Winchester. If I know about this it's not gonna take much for anyone else to figure it out. "<br>I pushed my back against the rink wall, sinking down as she walked away. My ass was freezing against the ice but I didn't pay attention. I buried in my hands in my hands with a groan. Looking back on it now, I wished I had paid attention.  
>Maybe then I would have caught Luc slinking away from the backdoor of the rink, his face dark… <p>

**OHHHHHHHH LUC! Shock horror! And Dean? What have you done D:**

**Remember guys, reviews are love. Much cyber cookies and love.**

**Eden **

**xoxoxo**


	9. Chapter 8

**a/n: just letting everyone know I'm starting to write more chapters as we speak, most involving the back stories to some of these just to clear some things up. Enjoy.**

**- Luc -  
><strong>  
>I growled as I tied the white cloth around my hand tightly, the materials already flecking with red even after I had cleaned the wound. The picture frame laid on the floor in pieces by the wall opposite me, the glass shattered around it. My window was not in much better shape, a large fist hole missing from the glass pane. I walked towards the photograph on the floor hesitantly, half expecting it to blow up in my face. Maybe that would have been less painful.<br>I looked at the image; the photograph barely a year old, taken at my 17th. We were on the beach together around a small bonfire, Dean just in front of me as he pulled a face, his arms still around my shoulders as I laughed. My glare narrowed as I caught sight of Novak on his other side laughing, dean's arm around him too, tighter somehow. Mum had ordered the 'old three friends' for a photo after inviting Novak without telling me – none of us commented how dean and I had been his biggest bullies at the time. I should have known, I have seen something when dean agreed too quickly as he pulled Novak to his feet next to us. I should have known…  
><em>This is his fucking fault! He turned Winchester gay! He turned my best friend into a stupid fucking fag!<em>  
>I lowered my eyes quickly, swearing under my breath. How long had dean been like this? How long had Novak been infecting him? I kicked out roughly, my boot connecting with my bedpost. This wasn't happening. Not to him, not to my best friend.<br>_Ex-best friend._ I corrected mentally instantly.  
>I had every right to be mad; my best friend was now a fucking queer and apparently pining for that stupid fag.<br>_But then again, Novak hates dean's guts_...I thought, my mood only improving the next day as i came into the lunch room with Michael, catching Dean leaning against Novak's table, a wide smirk on his face. It quickly faded, Hunter letting out a hiss of pain and pull away as Novak stabbed his plastic fork into Hunter's hand.  
><em>Maybe I don't have to worry…<br>_If it wasn't for the small smirk that seemed across Novak slightly red face i might have believed it. It seemed Isaac and I had some catching up to do.

Isaac sighed as he wiped his hands on the oil rag at his waist; his black hair sticking out in awkward angles under his cap. His eyes were on me sceptically as i leant against the bench, keeping my distance. For a fag, he looked pretty normal. If he wasn't so close with Novak, he could have passed as a normal straight guy. Just like Dean apparently had.  
>"You lost, mate?" he smirked, slamming the hood of the car he was working on closed.<br>"Mechanic? Bit of a manly thing for you isn't it?" I said gruffly, keeping my distance. "Anyway, I'm here cause as much as i want to keep away from you, we need to talk."  
>"No we don't." He let out, dropping the rag onto the bench beside him. "I think it would be smart if you left."<br>I smirked slightly, folding my arms against my chest. "Was that a threat?"  
>"Well, it sure as wasn't a suggestion."<br>"Relax; I'm not here to fight you." I rolled my eyes. "I'm being civil. Rare occasion but this is important."  
>Isaac choked back a laugh "Civil? Yeah, that's not really something you're known for. Then again it's a word I've been hearing a lot recently. Whatever you have to say, make it fast, mate. Places to go, people to blackmail and all that jazz."<br>"I wanna talk to you about Novak." I said bluntly.  
>Isaac crossed his arms quickly. "I don't understand...you hate Cas and now you want you and i to have a heart to heart about him?"<br>"I don't give a shit about Novak" I growled pulling my folded arms closer to my chest. "I care about him turning my boy into a f- I mean like him"  
>"So Winchester's really chilling out in the closet? Impressive." Isaac smirked wickedly. "Then again, the way he was treating Cas lately, don't try and say that you didn't expect it. Even a little."<br>"Shut up!" I screamed suddenly, my fist balling at my sides.  
>The smirk on his face grew. "Touchy subject, huh?"<br>"Yeah, since my boy apparently got eyes for Novak." I snapped back.  
>"That so?" Isaac nodded but I could see the annoyance on his face for not knowing something before I did.<br>I shrugged, a smirk working onto my face. "Why would I lie? You've already hinted it after all. You see the way those two interact."  
>Isaac said nothing but unfolded his arms burying his fist into his pockets as he rocked on his heels.<br>"Listen, I know you two are friends or whatever you want to call it. That's the only reason why I'm here. If you two wanna become butt buddies or whatever, that's fine. If you wanna break up or stay friends, that's your fucking business and I don't give a shit. Just make sure Novak stays away from Dean." I hissed through my teeth, turning my back on Isaac as I took off towards the door slowly.  
>"You're the same, you know? You and Winchester" Isaac called suddenly and I froze, tilting my head to look at him seriously. "You think you're much better than him? You two do it for almost exactly the same reasons. You both care about Cas in your own twisted little ways. Dean keeps you in line, making sure that Cas is never truly hurt. Words and slurs he can handle but Dean protects him from the physical. Why do you think he was the first to react with the locker incident? He cares about Cas enough to try and keep in him safe without ruining his own rep."<br>I glanced up at Isaac, eyes narrowed. Isaac shook his head sadly, letting out a deep sigh as he shifted on his feet. I resisted the urge to go punch his pretty boy face in.  
>"Then there's you." He continued, not bothering to look up at me as he spoke. "I didn't see it before. Not til Balthazar pointed it out. But now I do. Clear as day. You do it almost out of spite most of the time, a normal sibling rivalry in some ways but you do it so no one else can. You put cas through hell so no one else can put him through something worse. In a very – and i mean very – twisted way, that's your way of protecting him."<br>"I think you've been sniffing the glitter too long, fairy" I hissed. "I really couldn't give a shit about Novak"  
>"Yes you do."<br>"No, i really don't."  
>"Yes, you really do Luc" Isaac insisted, rolling his eyes "You think calling him 'Novak' instead of 'cas' really changes anything? You really think you're fooling anyone? He's still your brother."<br>My hand tightened on the door hand as i dropped my eyes to the floor. I wanted to knock his teeth out but i resisted, at least until he added a whispered "In your own twisted way, you care."  
>I lost it quickly, my hands on Isaac collar as i smashed his shoulders into the wall. He winced slightly through the small smile on his face, despite the fact my knuckles were digging into his throat slightly.<br>"You're feeling tough Luc?" Isaac said, smile somehow still on his face as he looked at me. "You know I'm not scared of you."  
>"Well you should be," I growled and my grip got tighter. "Just make sure you keep hold of Novak, I want him away from my friend. I don't need to give you any fucking explanations."<br>I threw Isaac to the ground roughly, the stupid creep looking up with rage, his lips curled into a snarl. I took a step closer, standing above him. I held him down with a foot, throwing two hundred dollar notes on his chest, smirk clear on my face. "So have we got an agreement or what?"

.

**a/n: *runs and hides* SORRRRYYYYYY BUT ITS ESENTIAL I SWEAR! **  
>reviews are always love and I'm sorry it's a shortie chapter.<p>

Eden

xoxoxo


	10. Chapter 9

**A/n: look an update! I'm getting better updating more, I swear!**

**CHAPTER nine  
>- Cas –<br>**  
>It wasn't difficult to steer clear of Isaac for a while, except for the two classes we had together. Even then I managed it, Isaac being away and all.<p>

I ignored the niggling feeling in my stomach that told me it was different from when he usually skipped classes.

Bela would be both relieved and pissed if she knew, but there was no way I was about to tell her. She would either hit me for not hanging out with someone as damn fine as Isaac – her words- or get it into her head to be superior about it. Worse yet, she more than likely would have asked why.  
>That was half of the risk. Isaac had never dishonest about who he was or what he did, and that brutal honesty is one of the reasons I could stand to be around him at all. Still, it was the last trait I wanted him to have if Bela ever asked it of him.<br>Still, Isaac had the good cigarettes; the unfortunate side effect of cutting myself off from him. Which my fingers were itching for right then.  
>The classroom door opened quickly, cutting off the conversations echoing around the small space. Jo and Bela hopped off their spot on my table to take up the seat in front of me, Kaz and ash behind me. Yet again, the spot beside me remained vacant. Isaac wasn't coming to English it seemed.<br>The smallest of smiles spread onto my face as Miss Barnes walked into the room, the English teacher looking flustered as she piled up textbooks onto her desk. Miss Barnes was by far my favourite teacher at Handover, knowing me better than my guidance counsellor probably did. She encouraged my art and interests - as well as being a total bad influence - but unfortunately had a talent for intuiting when I was having problems.

It also may have been the fact she started dating Balthazar only about 6 months ago. I smiled briefly as she took her seat, her eyes narrowing in worry slightly._  
>Yep, still had that damn talent.<em>  
>"I trust everyone did their reading assignments? That means you won't mind a little quiz."<br>A chorus of groans erupted as Miss Barnes handed out sheets of papers, the jocks glaring behind her back. The jocks may have a crush on the young English teacher but that didn't mean they liked English any more than they used to.  
>The door slammed open quickly, dean coming through quickly.<br>"Uh…Sorry," he mumbled, all eyes on him. "I was...i mean i...I'm sorry I'm late."  
>The jocks chuckled and murmured amongst themselves, Ms Barnes shooting them a quick look before turning back to dean. "Find a seat then"<br>I ducked my head quickly, realising the jocks were yet to free a seat for their fearless leader, leaving the only seat that was open next to me. I ducked my head, trying to make myself less conspicuous as I began to answer the test. I ignored the quick glance dean sent me as he sat down.  
>It didn't take long to finish the quiz and I tugged my sketchbook from my bag, not risking dean seeing the pictures as I turned to my last drawing. The wolf had its head thrown back into an ear-splitting howl, the background non-existent for the time being. It was half finished, the shading still sketchy and needing improvement but it had been a long time since I had any real inspiration, instead <em>making <em>myself draw things that weren't Dean fucking Winchester.

I tried to ignore the feel of dean's eyes on me the entire time.  
>"Castiel." A finger tapped on my sketch book, catching my attention. I looked up at Miss Barnes quickly with a blush. "Quiz is over. Your paper?"<br>"Sorry." I mumbled, still feeling the heat in my cheeks and she smiled, patting my hair.  
>"Just pay attention."<br>I zoned out after that, having already read and finished the whole novel we were covering. I liked to skip ahead and Ms Barnes knew that. Partly the only reason she smirked when she caught me staring out the window each lesson. Over the clamour as the bell rang, I could hear her voice call out to finish reading the next act – one I had read weeks ago – before she waved me over. "Castiel? May I see you for a moment?"  
>I grabbed my backpack quickly, leaning against her desk as the class forwarded out. I could see dean hesitate as he made his way to the door, Jo walking behind him and pushing him forward each time he seemed to slow. His eyes caught mine at the door and I dropped my gaze to floor. I ignored the look on Miss Barnes' face as she stood in front of me, watching quietly.<br>"I see some things have changed since our last talk." She looked at me curiously.  
>"If you mean Winchester has currently got even more bipolar, then I yes I totally agree." I sighed, pulling my hidden packet of smokes from my pocket. She glared disapprovingly and I returned them to my pocket with a sigh.<br>"Balthazar told me about your apparent 'need' for those Cas but how much worse is it getting?"  
>"It's nothing, just…" I pause, biting the inside of my cheek. "…stress."<br>"Dean stress?" she pressed, sitting up on her desk beside me. "I know it's hard being the only gay boy in the school Cas and I know your past friendship with dean is a hard thing to deal with but that doesn't mean you should take that in destructive ways."  
>"I wouldn't call it destructive." I faked a smirk, placing my pencil behind my ear. My smirk vanished as she looked at me with that no-bullshit glare. "Pamela, can I ask you something?"<br>"Only if you don't call me by my first name in class" she smiled softly, squeezing my shoulder for a moment. "What is it Cas?"  
>"Deans…well, he's being dean again. He's not being Winchester." I said quickly, fumbling over my words.<br>"Okay, I'm young and all that but that doesn't mean I'm Balthazar. I can't read your mind like he can." She laughed quietly. "Again, this time explain."  
>"In my head I kinda have different versions of him, you know? Like he became two people" I began to explain, clasping my hands in my lap. I couldn't look up at her just yet. "I mean, there's Winchester. He's the bully, the hockey jock. The one that everyone knows."<br>"The jerk." Pamela added and I smiled widely.  
>"Exactly."<br>"And what about the other person?" She pressed.  
>I sighed deeply. "Well, then there's dean, my old best friend. The smartass but you know, he was good and kind and all the bullshit-"<br>"Language" she cut in.  
>"All the stuff" I tried again, smiling slightly. "That no one sees anymore. I mean, Kaz, Sam and Jo do but they're his family basically."<br>Pamela paused for a moment, shifting on the spot. "So what's going on that causing all this new…stress?"  
>"You mean besides me being an idiot?" I groaned, letting my head fall in my hands. "Things are so messed up. He's changing between 'Winchester' and 'dean' faster than Meg changes her sex partners and that's saying something….no offence… and I can't talk about this with anyone. Like I said, Jo and Kaz are his family and you know Bela. She would kill me."<br>"Well, what about Balthazar?"  
>"Balthazar's my brother." I shrugged, gesturing briefly to her. "I mean, he's got you, he's got work, and he's got this whole life with its own problems. He doesn't need my problems stuck on top of that. You don't need my problems but for some reason you still ask and put up with me."<br>I lifted my head out of my hands long enough to pull my sketchbook from my bag and hand it over to her. "This is my recent book. The last 3 months tops."  
>She flicked through it quickly, although it felt like ages before she finally closed it, passing the book back over to me. "You have a remarkable talent castiel."<br>My head snapped up. "What?"  
>"What do you want me to say?"<br>"Ask why I have drawn over 80 precent dean? Say that I'm insane? Beat me to death with a textbook? Anything like that is honestly fine with me" I said quickly, holding the sketchbook in my hands tighter.  
>"Well killing you would be counterproductive, the singer family and I love you... Plus you're acing this class; I'm not killing my top student." Pamela smirked before she shook her head sighing. "Seriously, Cas. I know it's hard and it's confusing but sometimes you can't help how you feel about some people. If it's because you see the real side of him, fantastic. If you see that fake side, then it sucks. Know this though, the strongest feelings, no matter how repressed and horrible and scary they may be…they are usually the real ones."<br>"I'm going to get my head thumped in if he ever knew about this." I whispered.  
>"So he won't" Pamela shrugged. "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone. Not even Balthazar if you don't want me to."<br>"Thanks Miss" I smiled slightly.  
>"Just…one day…maybe you could try telling him how you feel?" she tried, shaking her head when she saw my look. "Never mind, just remember to protect your heart, Cas."<br>"I will, miss. Always have." I smiled.  
><em>All but once…<em>  
>"I might as well be a good teacher and ask if you're keeping up with your studies?"<br>I flashed a grin. "I find time in between my myriad social engagements."  
>"Still having difficulty getting along with people?"<br>"It's more finding people crazy enough to befriend the school queer or people that I can stand." I said truthfully and shrugged.  
>"Stay out of trouble, Cas." She warned.<br>I smirked wider, deliberately avoiding the subject. "I'll see you at dinner miss."

Isaac wasn't on the roof by the time i got there and i once again that day I ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach that told me something was wrong as I took a slow drag of the cigarette, relishing the curl of smoke over my tongue. The ritual of it was somehow soothing and it wasn't too long before I was laid out on the roof, my anxieties mellowed into inconsequential things that sloshed like honey at the far back of my mind.  
>I sat up with a small smile, it fading as I saw the sea of yellow and blue jackets and broad shoulders having lunch on the quad. Right there, smack dab in the middle of it was dean fucking Winchester. He was laughing slightly, reaching over to punch one of his friends in the arm. I pretended not to notice the absence of his letterman jacket.<br>I took another _long_ drag, head ducked down. The world was so much easier to deal with when dean Winchester didn't exist.  
>Or at least, when I could get away with pretending that dean didn't exist.<br>I jumped as large hand slammed down on my shoulder, spinning around so fast I had almost slipped off the roof if it hadn't been for bens strong grip.  
>Ben Braden was exactly like his sister; tall, brunette, pretty, popular.<br>You know, the normal cliché.  
>Weird thing was, Ben was actually a decent, smart guy.<br>I swore when I saw the small hall monitor badge on his shirt and the pink slip in his hand. Principles call. Ben leaned forward, taking a slight sniff before he sighed heavily. "Smoking again, castiel? Really?"  
>"Slander!" I pretended to gasp, putting a hand over my heart but I didn't bother protesting as he started to pat down my shirt. "You know, Ben, I've always admired your unflappable moral compass, but I'm going to be late for class if you do not unhand me this instant and — oh, where did that come from?"<br>Ben held the roll of unlit evil paper at a delicate distance between his fingers, giving me a small disappointed look.  
>"I thought you'd be smart enough to give these up." Ben said quietly.<br>"And I thought I was smart enough to not get called to the principal's office." I smirked. "Seems we are both wrong"  
>"you got a visitor, castiel. Let's keep the cigarette part out of it for both our sakes, alright?" Ben rolled his eyes, gesturing for me to jump down from the roof.<br>On solid ground, I smiled at him, giving him a small salute. "Can do. Although I think people will assume as I follow like a puppy to the office."  
>Ben rolled his eyes again, giving me a little tug on the sleeve and he slammed the cigarettes and a small can of AXE from his pocket. The look he gave me stopped the caring-about-me comment in my throat but it didn't stop the smirk on my face. Unsurprisingly, a few students gaped and pointed as we passed. I could see Bela and Kaz look horrified as we passed them at one point. I winked as I caught their eye, Kaz' look turning merely irritated after that whereas Bela looked like she was about to kill me.<br>When I arrived at the office, Isaac was there in his normal band tee and torn jeans and my eyes went to Ben who just shrugged before walking away.  
>For the first time Isaac looked nothing like himself, his already messy hair a total wreak with dark black circles under his eyes as If he'd been awake all night. His frame stiffened when he caught sight of me, Isaac hesitating before he started to walk over to my side.<br>"I'm so sorry" were the first words to tumble from his mouth, cutting off whatever I had been planning on saying. Now my frame stiffened. Isaac didn't apologise. Ever. He did what he did and never had regrets.  
>"w-what?" I managed to stutter out.<br>Isaac looked up from the ground with guilty eyes, dropping his gaze back to the floor as soon as he met my eyes. "I'm sorry castiel."  
>I felt my heart clench. Isaac never called me by my name. "Isaac what have you done?"<br>"I had to do something. Luc came to me, offering money. As much as I wanted- within reason. He wanted you and dean to stay away from each other but god knows neither of you listen to anyone when you put your mind to something. Not to mention the two of you are like fucking gravity. The more you two pull away the more you're shoved together." Isaac rambled. "He asked me to do it. It was the one thing he knew would really affect you. I didn't want to, I promise! But I knew if I didn't Luc would think of something worse and i-"  
>"Isaac!" I snapped, shutting him up. Already I could feel myself shaking. "What did you do?"<br>Isaac met my eyes finally and my breath caught in my throat.  
>No...<br>From the look that skidded onto Isaac's face, he knew what I was thinking but by the look he shot me, I knew I was right. The room felt too small, the office space making my heart and head pound, my breathing becoming heavier. No, not him.  
>" I have to go. " i somehow managed, ignoring the look of guilt and apology from Isaac as I spun only to run head first into what felt like a brick wall.<p>

I looked up slowly, my heart giving a painful squeeze as my eyes locked with the all too familiar honey ones.

"Hey Cas, you miss me...?"

**- Dean -  
><strong>  
>I winced as I felt the hard ice, my helmet not helping the impact any and I could feel my control on my anger slipping. I knew it wouldn't be very long til I snapped. I knew what they're doing though; they wanted to break me. Being a Winchester – and much like Sam to be honest– I was too stubborn to give in. I pushed myself to my feet, ignoring the sharp pain in my side as I took off again, eyes on the puck.<br>Something collided with my side and once again I slammed into the plastic wall, falling back face first into the ice but not before I feel the strong elbow jab in my ribs twice.  
>Fucking son of a bitch… I hissed, pulling myself off the cold floor again, pushing the guy into the wall as I continued to skate.<br>The blows kept coming and I knew hockey was an aggressive sport –hell, that's why I was so good at it - but this wasn't hockey anymore.  
>"Cool it, dell or you're getting the bench! I mean it!" Coach yelled, Luc matching his glare as he pushed past me, shouldering me roughly. Coach's eyes narrowed on Luc but turned his gaze to me. "Take a break, Winchester"<br>"I'm fine Rufus" I hissed out, Coach looking at me as if he wanted to say more, sighing as he waved me to continue, still looking doubtful. He knew how hard headed I was when I wanted to be.  
>Luc landed another hit into my side not too long later and my jaw clenched as I stood yet again. I knew something might have been fractured at the least if not broken. Not that I was going to say anything.<br>"That's enough, Dell! One more cheap shot and you won't see the ice for the rest of the season!" Coach yelled again fist tightening around the gate of the rink.  
>"It's alright coach, he can handle it, can't you dean?" Luc smiled as he looked at me but even i could see the hatred beneath that smile and words. "You're a man right? Cause hockey's a man's sport"<br>"What, you think i can't handle a little shove?" i said, meeting luc's glare with a smirk. "Come on, Luc. We've been friends for a long time. You know better than that. Let's stop this figure skating shit and play some real hockey."  
>Luc's eyes narrowed and my taunting voice and my lips turned into a malicious grin as i tried to concentrate on anything except the pain in my ribs – almost every part of me screamed in pain. Truthfully, i prayed that coach would actually sit him down for the season, not that i was about to wuss out and admit that so i braced myself as Luc took the bait.<br>Here we go...  
>I skated past Luc but it wasn't long before I was slammed back against the wall again and I welcomed the pain. I was confused as hell – that's an understatement – but I laughed at the fact Luc thought I couldn't handle a few shoves and cheap shots. I elbowed Luc back as he pushed me into the wall and I could hear him wince slightly.<br>"Enough! Take a break everybody!" Coach sighed loudly, rubbing his face before heading towards the locker rooms with the rest of the team.  
>I came off the ice quickly, taking an empty seat in the stands and began to take off my gloves and gear, shoving my helmet into the bag beside me.<br>"Tired, you fucking asshole?" Luc growled over his shoulder and I lifted my head, catching him still on the ice, leaning against the wall in front of me.  
>"Fuck you, Luc!" I hissed, not moving from my spot. "What the fuck is your problem? Why the hell are you avoiding me? Why won't you just talk to me, bro?"<br>"I don't talk with liars and shit like you" he snapped back quietly, glare zoned in on me.  
>"Bro, I have no idea-"<br>"Don't call me bro! I can't be your fucking bro! Not with a fucking queer!" he yelled, cutting me off. His hands were balled into fist by his side now. "I heard you and meg. You're a fucking homo, Winchester!"  
>My blood ran cold for a split second, eyes widened as I looked at luc.<br>"You don't get it, man!" he snapped "if this gets out, we're gonna be taking a bunch of heat because you like kissing dudes all of a sudden! Novak turned you into a stupid fucking faggot just like him!"  
>My eyes turned deadly now and I could feel my fist clench, blood boiling. Somehow my voice had stayed level and before I knew it, I was back on the ice in front of him. "What did you say?"<br>"You heard me. Just. Like. Novak." he growled.  
>"That's it!" I yelled before my fist hit him squarely in the jaw, tackling him down onto the ice. Luc reacted quickly, balling fists full of my shirt and slammed a fist into my face. I hit in the side of the face again and before long, it was a blood bath on the ice. My lip was busted and I could feel the broken skin underneath my right eye being to ache but I smiled, knowing Luc would come out of this looking almost as bad as I did.<br>"Don't call him that!" I growled, hitting Luc again with each word, narrowly dodging the elbow that came at my face.  
>"Sticking up for your girlfriend, how fucking cute" Luc snapped back and my head spun as he managed a punch to my jaw. I shook it off quickly.<br>"Maybe you should be sticking up for him. He's. Your. Brother!" I yelled, sending a punch to Luc's ribs at each of my last 3 words.  
>"That fag is not my brother!" he yelled, his punches becoming harder.<br>"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Coach's voice screamed, filling the rink as he came to my side, yanking Luc and I apart. Luc glared at me, his fingers lightly touching the bloody and broken nose in his hand. I smirked widely, despite the swollen eye I could feel coming on. I could only imagine the two of us looked like a jigsaw with a couple of piece gone but for some reason, I felt good. Mentally of course, physically I felt like shit.  
>"What the hell is going on with you two?" Coach snapped, holding us apart and I winced as I felt his grip on my shoulder tightened to make sure I didn't move. "You two are best friends!"<br>"Yeah, were." Luc corrected acidly, turning a glare to me which I copied, neither of us watching as Coach rolled his eyes. "Screw this I'm out of here."  
>"Whatever" I growled, yanking out of coach's grasp as I made my way off the rink and I had to admit I was kind of relieved as I enter the locker room, smiling at the vast silence. Empty. Perfect. I took my jersey and undershirts off slowly, wincing at the movement. I ran a quick hand down my side and torso as I looked at the bruises already forming, purple black and yellows mixed together. Nothing too bad, I knew it could have been worse. I sighed to myself, thumping a bandaged hand onto my locker.<br>_Fuck my life ..._

Since the start of high school; there were always 3 things I was sure of.  
>1, Sammy was a logical and reasonable nerd<br>2; Kaz was the most no violent person I knew  
>3; Luc was my best friend at Handover.<br>You know I was getting really sick of suddenly getting that wrong.

"What the fuck did you do?"  
>Dazed, I sat up, my hand rubbing the back of my head. Sam was standing above me, his face murderous before he dropped down to sit on my chest as he slammed another fist into my face.<br>_Logical, reasonable nerd Sammy. Oh where had you gone?  
><em>"What the fuck? Is there some mass text about bashing the shit out of me today?" I growled  
>"there should be!" Sam snapped, trying to hit me again.<br>"For god's sake. Sam get off me!" I swore, half swatting his hands away and half trying to hit him back. "I haven't done anything!"  
>"Like hell you haven't." Sam growled, pushing me as he stood up. "Dean, you're my brother and I love you but I have never been this angry with you. Ever. And that's saying a lot."<br>I shook my head, lifting myself off the floor. I purposely ignore the death glare from Kaz curled up at the top of the stairs. "I have no idea what the hell you are talking about. I got in a fight with Luc. Big deal. You two never liked him anyway."  
>"We like Cas!" Kaz snapped, standing up and Sam's posture stiffened as both their glares narrowed on me.<br>"What? Cas? I haven't done anything to Cas!" I said quickly, eyes darting from my brother to my sister.  
><em>What on earth had I missed?<em>  
>"What did you think you were gonna get dean?" Sam glared although the venom in his voice was lessening slightly. "You pushed Luc somehow. And here's the problem ... Luc pushed back."<br>I rolled my eyes, the effect lessened by the swollen eye I was sporting from luc and my fight. "Sammy, if you don't speak English-"  
>"he paid Isaac to keep you and Cas away for each other." Kaz screamed, unconsciously taking a few angry steps down the stairs. "Luc did it the only way he could be sure would work."<br>The anger in my sister's eyes; the blind anger. I had never been afraid of my sister in my life but the look she was sending was making me feel like I should have died on the spot.  
>"Kaz, I'm sorry but I-"<br>Sam pushed my shoulder, capturing my attention as well as letting Kaz try and settle down. You knew you were a piece of shit when your own siblings couldn't look at you.  
>"God dammit dean" Sam breathed. "Gabriel's back."<br>I was out the door before Kaz and Sam could say another word.

In all honesty my feet didn't actually take me where I was expecting, my brows furrowing as I stood in front of the crappy apartment block Isaac had somehow decided to call home instead of the all too familiar Singer bar. Not that I didn't have an idea of what my ideal dream scenario would turn out like.  
>I jogged up the 6 flights of stairs as quickly as I could, ignoring the broken lift - and if it wasn't it really should have been looking at it.<br>The front door of the apartment was broken too, the boot hole in the wood not helping the twists in my stomach. I debated just leaving, but if there was one thing Dean Winchester didn't do, it was pussy out. I knocked quickly, shoving my hands in my pocket before I could chicken out. I could hear him swear, the sound of scuffling beyond the door just seconds later. I tapped my foot impatiently, straightening when I heard the chain slide off the door.  
>Isaac was on his ass the second it opened.<br>The normal, snarky part of me commented that Isaac looked a lot worse than I remembered. And I wasn't too partially kind in those memories either.  
>Dressed in a pair of ratty grey drawstring sleep pants, Isaac glared as he pulled himself back up to his feet. I had to admit, he was a good looking dude, if I was into that sort of thing.<p>

Which I wasn't.

But I could see his appeal to Cas. Not that I had to like it.  
>"Not that I mind our little brawls dean." Isaac snapped. "But I'm really not in the fucking mood."<br>"You're _supposed_ to be taking _care_ of him." I snarled, pushing Isaac's shoulders roughly.  
>"And you're <em>supposed<em> to not give a shit," Isaac snapped back, tipping back the remaining whiskey in the glass on the kitchen bench beside him. "Neither of us is really what we're _supposed_ to be."  
>I glared at him, shoving my hand deep into my jean pockets. "You hurt Cas-"<br>"I want castiel." Isaac interrupted his face almost entirely blank. I couldn't help the small unconscious step back, Isaacs's admission making me feel pretty freaking exposed and a whole bunch of emotions I couldn't explain. My hand went up to the wing necklace around my neck unconsciously.  
>Isaac snorted at the gesture.<br>"Take care of him...or stay away from him," I snapped quietly, half running out of Isaac's apartment, glare pasted onto my face.  
>Some would've called it running away.<br>They would've been correct.

I drove my boots into the wet grass, my hands shoved into my pockets as I walked towards the old hall, my head down and once again covered by my hoodie. I still didn't know why i was even bothered to come all. As soon as I saw Cas, I knew he'd run or yell at me. Or the even more likely, try and punch me. But i wanted to take that risk. As much as i lied before, i was beginning to miss Cas and my friendship the more and more i remembered and if anything I needed to talk to him. About what, I still wasn't sure though.  
>I shuffled my feet on the mat as i entered, moving along the shadows on the back wall. Cas wouldn't see me and i was counting on myself control to wait until he was done before i approached him outside. A small snarl tugged on my lips as the next person took to the stage, his black hair messy as always. Isaac smiled widely as he started the song and my eyes followed as Castiel came from behind the curtain, guitar in hands as he came to Isaac's side. Talk about a perfect combination. The guy i loathed and the guy i bullied singing the song i had hated since i started high school when i lost my pathetic excuse for a father.<br>Remembering my dad, my frame stiffened and i felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't stay, not even for the chance to talk to Castiel civilly without being judged. Then again with Isaac around i didn't think that was an option now.  
>I ignored the little voice in the back of my head, telling me that i was running away from my past again, from a fucking song and the memories i brought. I wasn't that scared little boy anymore.<br>_But you are..._  
>I ignored my thoughts, planting myself to the spot with my jaw clenched. After the last 5 years, i was sure i was fine without my father. That i didn't feel anything from his absence. The white hot anger in my gut told me different.<br>The thirteen year old scrawny kid didn't think much of walking around the snow filled streets back then. Mum had taken the girls and i was supposed to be at Conner's but my friend had passed out and i couldn't help myself as i slipped on the parker, taking to the streets.  
>I had found my dad, watching as he sat the piano of his new house with a smile that beat any i had seen on his face. It was my worst memory. I didn't question it as i stood my ground, feeling like some dirty spot as i watched him in the marble and glass house. Perfect.<br>Beside him i could see Caleb, one of my father's friends, a man I thought to be too beautiful at the time. My brow furrowed as i watched him wrap his arms around my dad's neck or the fact didn't say anything as he laughed softly. Dad had pulled Caleb onto his lap and kept singing as he continued to play, fingers flying across piano keys and Caleb had shaken his head, smiling playfully.  
>Even now i could remember how my stomach had sunk, my frame shaking. It wasn't real; he didn't even do that with my mum. I remember asking myself how he could just let this...<em>guy<em> touch him.  
>I lost my breath as my dad reached up, calloused hands cupping Caleb's cheek as he pressed their lips together. I could feel my world fall apart and i spun around, running as fast to Connor's as fast as i could, never looking back. But it was burned into my brain, along with that sharp pain in my chest at the memory of my father.<br>I shook my head, bringing myself out of my thoughts and absent minded rubbed my chest, my heart thumping roughly under my palm. It still hurt.  
>"Oh my god.." i tore my eyes away from Castiel and the stage, the voice filled with dread and disbelief, even for a whisper as i spun around quickly, shocked. My eyes burned at the sight of the man beside me, his blue eyes on me. The years had barely changed him at all. He was still the pale slight build i had seen, his hair cropped short and his face barely looked marked by the ages of life.<br>He looked flawless.  
>I wanted to break it. My fingers clenched in my pockets.<br>"Oh my god..." he took a careful step forward. "Dean? Is that really you? W-What are you doing here? Does your father know you're here?"  
>The feelings of hurt and helplessness i had moments before shattered, all of my hatred threatening to explode. I shifted on the spot before i pushed past Caleb roughly, my shoulder hitting his as i ran out of the old hall. If i stayed i knew i would do something i regretted. My breathing began to calm as i came to the parking lot, my truck parked just in front of me, but my erratic heart didn't change.<br>"Dean, wait! Please"  
>I spun around, pressing my back to my truck as i glared and pointed a finger accusingly at Caleb. "You stay away from me, you hear?"<br>He didn't listen, taking a step forward to place a hand on my arm. "Dean, please..."  
>"I said back off, fag!" i hissed, my hands snapping out to curl around his collar. I was holding so tight that even my hands hurt and Caleb's blue eyes widened. His terrified face made my heart stop painfully. For a second i swore it was Castiel in his place. I let go slowly, hating myself for how much of an affect Castiel had on me still.<br>I threw Caleb down onto the wet grass roughly and he bounced slightly with a distinct snap. He had his wrist up to his chest as i came closer, my anger controlling me now. A broken wrist wouldn't bring my family back together; it wouldn't pay back the last 5 years of my life. I wanted him to pay...  
>"That is for my sister. That's for Sammy" i hissed, kicking him in the stomach twice before laying another into him. "That's for my mum."<br>Caleb shook his head, pulling himself up onto his knees as he tried to stand but i kicked him once more, this time in the face. "And that's for _me_, you stupid fag!"  
>"Get off him!"<br>The world spun and i cried out as my head hit the pavement behind me. I could feel someone on my stomach now, a tight hand around my throat, not squeezing, just holding me in place. I ignored the sharp pain in my hand, both my hands scrapping weakly at the one around my throat. My vision blurred slightly but i smirked evilly as recognition filled his eyes. He stood quickly, eyes never leaving me as he backed away and my smirk grew as i shook my head.  
>"Son?" he breathed.<br>There was so much i wanted to say. I wanted to scream and curse at him till my breath ran out. I wanted to slam my fist into his face. I wanted to kick him until he knew he was wrong for leaving me, Sammy and Kaz.  
>Having him in front of me, i couldn't move as i only managed a small smirk. "I'm not the loser..."<br>"Son, I-"  
>"Don't call me that!" i hissed, slapping his hands away as i stood, ignoring his help as i stumbled. I pressed a hand to the back of my head, glaring at him again as i tried to walk off. "You left us, old man..."<br>"Don't you walk away when I'm talking to you, Dean! I'm still your father!" Anyone would have shrunk away in terror at his tone, his eyes furious but i laughed, loud and painfully.  
>"Who the fuck did you say you were?" i asked, barely suppressing my laughter. "Or how about this, who am I? I'm not the stupid 13 year old you could push around before you left. I can do whatever the fuck i want."<br>"We're going to talk, Dean" he snapped roughly. "Damn it, it's been years since i last saw you. Would you stop being so god-damn angry and just listen to me?"  
>"Listen to yourself!" i yelled, gesturing to him angrily. "Do you even listen to what the fuck you're saying? You left us! You left mum and you left me! Kaz was barely 11, Sam was 12! I had to step up and be the man! Me! I was 13 and i had to step up because you left us to be some fag!"<br>My eyes narrowed on Caleb as he got to his feet. His eyes met mine and i flinched slightly. Even with the bruises he was too beautiful, like Castiel. He looked too much like Castiel.  
>Dad went to his side quickly, holding him up around the waist as he let his fingertips tremble over the bruises forming on his face. My hands balled into fist again.<br>"How the hell did you even find me?" i growled finally. "I thought you wouldn't have the nerve to show your face in town."  
>"I'm here for someone else" he sighed, "but I'm staying here for you, Dean. You have to stop; i hear what goes on at your school."<br>" When are you gonna get it? I'm not the kid you left behind! I'm not a child!" i yelled again, fighting not to let my voice go louder.  
>"News to me!" my father huffed and Caleb rested a trembling hand on his sleeve.<br>"Please, John. We should go. I don't want any trouble, love"  
>"Like hell you do" i snapped. "That's all you've caused since you turned my dad into a fag knowing he had a wife and three kids to look after!"<br>There was a hint of defiance as Caleb turned his eyes gaze at me, challenging. He looked too much Castiel. I dropped my eyes.  
>"It was nothing like that, you don't know what happened-" Dad started<br>"Neither do you!" i cut him off. "Kaz and Sammy kept asking me where you were. I had to lie to them before mum finally caved. You didn't see Sammy and Kaz grow up, you left and all mum had was me – a sick reminder of you!"  
>I bit the inside of my mouth roughly. I couldn't break down when i had the courage to tell him everything i kept back for so long.<br>"I tried to find you dad. I was only 13 fucking years old." I shook my head, willing the memory away as the pain over powered my bitterness, making it hard to speak. "Kaz and I were miserable, Sammy tried to act fine but he was hurt too. But you were happy. You didn't care. Not when you were with him."  
>"I never wanted that to happen." Caleb spoke, his tone laced with sincerity but it didn't matter. Everything out of his mouth was dirt to me.<br>"It still did!" My vision blurred, my eyes hot and wet and i wiped at them angrily.  
>"Dean, son-"<br>"Don't call me that!" i yelled, my hands in tight fist. "I'm not your son anymore! I want you to stay away from me! Next time i see you, I'll kill you. Do you hear me? I'll kill you! And him!"  
>I pushed Caleb's chest roughly, my dad catching him as i was thrown sideways. It wasn't my father, the intruder strong but smaller and faster. I reached up to touch my lips, my tongue licking the blood away. The bastard managed to punch me. My eyes narrowed. I turned sharply, ready to throw myself at him when i froze, my feet stuck in place.<br>"Get away from him!" Caleb grabbed the kids navy hoodie, pulling him back from me.  
>"What the hell are you doing here?" the kid growled, his cheek grazed with ice from his attempted fight. Caleb rolled his eyes, turning the kids face to touch the cut softly.<br>"What were you thinking" he demanded. "You know better than to get into a fight, Isaac."  
>"He's not getting away with this. I won't let him"<br>"Shut up, Isaac! This is between me, my dad and his fag!" i growled and his eyes widened as he tried to throw himself at me again but Caleb had his arm, holding him back.  
>"<em>You're<em> dad?"  
>"Isaac, calm down. I'm fine." Caleb spoke softly. "Just calm down okay? Isaac. Isaac, are you listening to me! Son!"<br>Isaac spun around at the word and my mouth dropped open as i glared at my dad. "He's- he's your son!"  
>He shifted on the spot and my mouth dropped open more, glare fixed onto my face "You really never cared about us at all, did you?"<br>"Dean, stop!" my voice vanished, my heart thumping from my chest as i turned, Castiel's wide eyes meeting mine. He took a hesitant step forward, his hand reached out before he thought better of it, pulling his hand away. "Dean, you can't do this. Not here."  
>"Castiel..." i breathed, eyes wide "I didn't...i wanted to...I just..." my words failed me as i shook my head angrily. Why couldn't i just spit it out!<br>"Dean, don't" Cas whispered, turning his back on me slowly  
>My hand reached out on its own accord, Castiel's just slipping through my fingertips. "Wait..."<br>"You have to go." Castiel said finally, my dad looking between us curiously which i tried to ignore.  
>"I don't wanna fucking go! I came here to talk to you!" i snapped, gesturing to him and i could vaguely hear Isaac struggle behind me, Caleb no doubt still holding him back.<br>"Get the fuck out of here Winchester. You don't belong here!" Isaac yelled and i snapped, throwing myself at him once again, someone catching me in their arms. Castiel ran to Isaac side quickly, taking him from Caleb as he looked at me, his face torn between confusion and pity. I could feel the persons grip on my arm tightened, holding me to their chest strongly.  
>"Dean...let it go..." the voice whispered and i crumbled, slumping down into the persons arms now.<br>_I knew that voice.  
><em>Balthazar pulled me away slightly, eyes locked onto Castiel in some sort of silent apology. I sighed, shrugging his arm off. I couldn't meet his eyes.  
>"I'll take him home, Castiel." he whispered, sounding older than the last i time i had heard him, a hint of arrogance in his tone "I suggest you and the others leave. Now."<br>"Balthazar..." My dad tried to warn but Balthazar had his hand around my forearm tightly.  
>"I got him, John." He said sternly.<br>My eyes flickered to Castiel briefly. "Cas ... I'm sorry..." i managed and i could see my father's as well as Cas' eyes widen slightly at the gesture.  
>Wordlessly Balthazar pulled me along behind him, anger still radiating through my frame as he threw me into the passenger seat, taking the wheel of my truck. It wasn't till we were home that Balthazar finally looked at me, standing in front of the large stainless steel stoves in my kitchen. For once i was glad my brother and sister were out with Bela, Jo and Ash.<br>Balthazar had one of the large frying pans in his hand, a loaf of bread, a large pack of cheese, and a tub of butter on the counter next to him.  
>"How did you know your way here?" I said finally, my voice low as Balthazar fiddled with the gas burner. He shrugged slightly, his eyes turning slowly to my face<br>"I remembered it slightly. And I swear to god that I would deny it if ever asked again but…Cassie sometimes makes me drive here. He'd stand against the car, just looking at your house as if he was actually about to walk up the driveway….." Balthazar trailed off, shaking his head. "Never does though. Don't really expect him to. At least I understand why now."  
>"Are you going to look at me, Balthazar?" I tried<br>"What do you want me to say, Dean?" Balthazar shrugged again.  
>"Something. Anything." I admitted.<br>"I want to know what the fuck happened tonight" he sighed, the words were said with an air that clearly implied an unspoken 'obviously' which i tried to ignore as Balthazar pulled another slice of bread and began to butter it. I shook my head as he slathered it on, wondering just how much butter was required for whatever Balthazar was making.  
>"I can see that." I said as i dropped into the seat at the counter opposite him, watching Balthazar as he continued to spread copious amounts of butter onto the bread. "But it's...complicated."<br>The smile that had just been on Balthazar's face slipped. "And that is why? Last time i checked you and me had an agreement. At the bar you promised to talk to me if I kept Cassie '_safe'_ after school instead of letting him die of an alcoholic overdose. Not that I ever would, you know that."  
>"I know" I sighed.<br>Balthazar paused for a moment, hesitantly speaking as his eyes flickered to me briefly. "You obviously can accept Cassie to a point with this…why not them? John is your father after all."  
>"I don't want to talk about him, Balthazar. He left me!" I hissed, eyes glued to my knees.<br>"So you take it out on that kid who apparently was your best friend? Bravo, Dean. Bravo." Balthazar rolled his eyes. "You were there to see him. Why? If you hate gays so much, why willingly go to see one, even your ex-best friend?"  
>"I...I had to talk to him about something. I had no idea dad was going to be there, let alone that Castiel's stupid boyfriend was dad's stupid adopted kid."<br>For just a second, Balthazar's gaze flickered up before returning to the frying pan. He pressed the spatula into the bread again. "Something? Like what?"  
>"Nothing" i muttered to my feet. "I just wanted to talk and..."<br>"And?"  
>"And… that looks ready. You want the plate?" i said quickly, holding out the large white plate in my hand. I forced a smile as Balthazar took it, rolling his eyes at me. He had the grilled cheese sandwich on the plate and was spreading even more butter over the bread.<br>"Eat that." Balthazar said as he cut the sandwich in half and slid it over to me, a pleased look on his face. The grilled cheese was practically flat, the bread reduced to a thin layer that was cracked and showed the melted cheese underneath. And the butter that Balthazar had spread over the top was melting quickly.  
>"Did you actually leave any butter for morning?" i teased lightly.<br>"Don't judge me." Balthazar pointed the knife at my chest, not very threateningly. "That's how my nanny makes them. Now eat."  
>Balthazar placed his hands down on the counter top, staring with one of his most menacing glares. Tonight, however, it merely looked comical and i fought the urge to laugh, settling for the plate which i pulled closer. Taking the grilled cheese, under my fingertips the bread felt even thinner than it looked but judging by the look on Balthazar's face i didn't argue, taking a bite of his concoction. It was only a small bite, a corner, but it was enough. The bread, flattened by the spatula and covered in butter was crispy, and the melted cheese seemed to flow out of it. Surprisingly enough, it was not only edible –rare in most of Balthazar's cooking feats i had been told – but actually really fucking good.<br>"Good, right?" Balthazar smiled, obviously pleased with himself. "It's better if you use cheddar instead of American. But all I could find in the fridge was American and Swiss."  
>Chuckling softly, I took another bite of the sandwich, raising a brow as Balthazar eyed me thoughtfully.<br>"You are you going to tell me? The thing you wanted to talk about, i mean." Balthazar leaned on the counter, watching me eat. I raised a brow, still chewing as i shook my head.  
>"It's nothing" Even as I said the words, I knew that they weren't completely true. As I swallowed, Balthazar raised a brow and i caved. "I...I kinda hate Isaac."<br>"Isaac...?" Balthazar's expression faltered little. "That's it? Come on, we already knew that."  
>"No, I mean… that's not really all of it." My eyes flickered down to the other half a sandwich still on the plate before looking back up at Balthazar.<br>"Dean..." Balthazar paused awkwardly as if he didn't know how to proceed as he picked up the other half of the grilled cheese, biting into it. "I get why you don't like the idea of gays. Your father finally accepted himself and fell in love too late and it hurt when he left you but...if you're saying what i think you are– and I'm saying _if_ – it's not the end of the world to be gay. You know I'm here, right? You don't have to go to your mum or dad. You don't even have to go to Cassie if you don't want to. But believe me, you don't wanna wake up one day with a wife you didn't want and a bunch of kids you still care about because you couldn't admit to yourself that you were different."  
>"I'm not gay, Balthazar." i snapped and Balthazar nodded again, unaffected.<br>"I just said _if_. Not _when_, okay?"  
>"You start singing 'If you were gay' I'm gonna start throwing punches." I promised with a raised brow. "You still got that boxing ring in the garage you were talking about?"<br>Balthazar laughed, patting my arm. "I think you need to heal before you and I put the gloves back on, Dean. Let's get you patched up first. I'm gonna get you some ice and some wet cloths' for that mug of yours"  
>Slowly, my smile faltered as I ran my fingertips over the slightly swollen area around my right eye, blood still seeping out from the small cut above it. By the feel of it i could tell it would turn blue and yellow defiantly but there was a chance of a bit of purple eventually.<br>_Great, wasn't I beaten enough already?_  
>"So what did you say to piss someone off this time?" Balthazar smirked, pushing the icepack into my face none too softly. I winced, glaring at Balthazar with my free eye.<br>"Me and Da-John...We… We had a disagreement"  
>"You're sugar-coating it."<br>"Fine" I hissed, glaring down at my shoes. "...I tried to beat the shit out of his fag and accused him of being the whore that turned my dad."  
>"Well, that was intelligent" Balthazar rolled his eyes. "What about Isaac?"<br>"Castiel's friend? Although...wannabe boyfriend seems more accurate." my glare narrowed again. "And apparently Caleb's kid. I mean, i hate John and he's not my dad anymore but some word would have been nice to know that his little adopted ray of fucking sunshine was attending my school."  
>"Wow, i don't know what's got you more riled up. That it's your dad and Caleb's adopted son or that its Cassie's almost boyfriend?"<br>I pushed the ice pack back onto my swollen eyes, grumbling out a half-hearted "shut up"  
>"so what now? You going to apologize?"<br>My head snapped up at Balthazar's words and he burst out laughing, patting my knee.  
>"I meant to Cassie" he amended quickly. "You obviously still care somewhat how he thinks of you."<br>"I do n-!"  
>"I would think carefully before you finish that sentence Dean Winchester" Balthazar cut me off with a serious look and i growled, hiding my face in my hands after i threw the icepack across the room roughly. Balthazar didn't flinch. With a sigh, he clasped his hands in his lap, looking at me seriously again.<br>"Dean, tell me now and tell me honestly. Are you gay?" Balthazar whispered and i physically flinched. "Dean, this is me. I'm not going to do or say anything. I accepted a lot of gay people in my time. Hell, you know Cassie's like a brother to me. If you can trust anyone it's me and you know it. I promise i won't tell John or Cassie if you don't want me to."  
>I bit my rough roughly, letting out a shuddering breath "...i don't know."<br>Balthazar sighed disappointed, not moving from his spot on the couch as he placed a large, warm hand onto my shoulder. "I'm not going to push it but you know now is the time to decide what you want, Dean. You said you needed to talk to Cassie right? This is the time when you can change everything. You can either get your old best friend back or the jock punching bag. Are you brave enough to fight for what you really want or not?" 

**a/n: deannnnnnnnnnnnnn!**

**Is this Dean starting the slow process? D:**

**Guys remember reviews are VERY much appreciated as well as any bits you want me to further on and any storyy ideas! Also, comments on when you guys want dean to come out (to closest people only )? Next chapter? A few more? Who should he come out to first? Balthy? Sammy? Kaz? Jo? CAS?**

**Reviews **


	11. Chapter 10

**A/n: OMG NO! IT CAN'T BE! IS THIS...IS THIS AN UPDATE?!  
>I know, shocking isn't it? Sorry for taking so long guys! Work had been a pain in the ass...<br>Anyway, on with the chapter!  
><strong>

**-DEAN-**

My feet crunched on the dry gravel as got closer to the river's edge at the mill and I threw another stone, jamming my fist deep into my pockets as I watched the ripples slowly subside.  
>The Mill had always been a place to escape, a place where I could think about things. It was the only place I ever really felt alone and relax. Now, I was anything but; my head going too fast to keep up with itself.<br>_What the fuck was wrong with me?_  
>I threw another stone at the water angrily, rubbing my face with a sigh when I did. I wished more than anything I could answer that question. In truth, I had no idea how.<br>I clutched the alcohol bottle in my hand, a slight buzz already filling my skull as i took another drink. The music from my car stereo was blaring out, an old familiar song reaching my ears that seems to make my mood darker not better._  
>This isn't happening...<em>  
>The words ran through my head, repeating again and again like a broken record. No matter how many times it did, i knew i was just lying to myself again.<br>"Fuck!" I swore, grabbing a fistful of gravel as I threw it at the water, my legs giving way and I dropped to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest frustrated. I stiffened as I felt a slight presence behind me, the soft crunch of gravel underfoot capturing my attention.  
>I glanced over my shoulder quickly, shock quickly leaving my face as it was replaced by rage.<p>

"What the fuck are you doing here?"  
>Honey eyes, alight with humour locked onto me and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I stood slowly.<br>"hey ya deano." Gabriel smirked, hands deep in his pockets and I could see something behind his eyes as he tilted his head slightly. "how's cas?"  
>My hands were bundled in his shirt in seconds and I slammed his roughly against the hood of the impala. His loud laughter was almost hysterical despite the fact one of my hands was around his throat. His laughter did nothing but make me angrier.<br>"I should kill you where you stand!" I snarled, grip on his neck tightening which just made him laugh even more.  
>Yeah, he was definatly isaacs brother.<br>"go on, go on! Do it!" he egged on with a wide smile. "show Cassie boy how much you've REALLY changed."  
>Something in his voice made me stop and I - rather reluctantly - loosened my grip on his neck. I didn't bother moving my hand. If I was talking to Gabriel my hand was bound to end back up at his throat anyway.<br>"why the hell are you here Gabriel?" I growled with a slight sigh. "and don't use Luc as an excuse. Everyone knows you don't do anything unless you want to..."  
>"Ohhh, Luc. I hate that bag of dicks so much I kinda love him." Gabriel smirked widely. " I'm here to raise a little hell and help my baby brother corrupt and win another Novak. God knows I have enough experience in that area"<br>My hand tightened. See, what did I tell you?  
>"shut the hell up!" I barely managed through gritted teeth.<br>"I swear you 'good guys' have no sense of humour." Gabriel snorted and raised a brow as he added a quiet, barely there "at least Anna had a sense of humour."  
>I didn't even realise I had moved til I felt the slight sting as my knuckles collided with Gabriel's smug face.<br>"you don't get to talk about her" I screamed, pulling a fist back. "ever! Do you hear me?!"  
>Gabriel just laughed, moving his head just enough that my knuckles slammed down onto the hood of my car rather then into that stupid mug of his.<br>_My baby..._  
>He had tucked his legs up to his chest and by the time It had registered he had already pushed his feet roughly at me, knocking me over on the gravel. Not that being drunk helped a lot.<br>"oh, deano." Gabriel chuckled quietly, grabbing a fist full of my hair to lift my face off the ground. "what are we going to do with you?"  
>"bite me" I growled, still trying to gasp air into my lungs after that kick. Gabriel may have been a fucking shortass but the little dude was strong.<br>"and make this fucked up love triangle a square? I think not." Gabriel licked his lips, leaning his face a bit closer to me. "You're not going to win this one, deano. You can try, sure. But one way or another you're going to lose."  
>I spat in his face, Gabriel smirking and chuckling a bit as he wiped it off before smashing a fist into my face.<br>"now that was charming." he smiled slightly but the malice was clear behind it. Still I flexed my jaw, glare narrowing on him as he held me in my place. "doesn't change the fact you know I'm right. You going to mess up. Like you always mess up."  
>Gabriel yanked me forward with a rough hand and I tried to pull away when I felt his lips hover over my ear.<br>"And when you do..." he whispered, amusement clear in his voice. "...I'm going to be right there to watch you fall."  
>Gabriel was long gone by the time I managed to pick myself pathetically off the gravel shore.<p>

The house was empty by the time i got home, Kaz obviously too angry to be around me right now - not that I blamed her. And Sam? Well who knew where that kid disappeared to after school every afternoon.  
>I sighed as i entered my room, glaring at the sudden mass of blue items I apparently owned.<br>Why did every shade of blue have to remind me of him? And why was everything in my house suddenly blue, anyway? There was no way Sam or I had bought this much blue. I didn't even like blue - well, I hadn't liked blue, but I had taken quite a liking to it recently.  
>I growled, yanking the blue blanket off of my bed and shoving it into my closet as I replaced it with the crappy red tartan one Kaz had obviously acquired. That stupid blue that reminded me so much of a different blue. Red didn't remind me of him at all.<br>But even so, he was still at the front of my mind just where he always was. The front of my mind, the back of my mind, to the left and right of my mind so much so that I didn't really have a mind anymore. Just a bunch of lobes that concentrated solely on castiel Novak. Just as it always had.  
>I could paint my house red, could paint the town red –probably not the best example- and I would still only be able to concentrate on blue.<br>With a sigh I yanked the red blanket off my bed, folding it up as I put it away, pulling out my blue items from the closet. It seemed blue was still my favourite color despite everything. That didn't help my mood however.  
>"Oh, shit. I know that look." Jo sighed from my bedroom doorway and I jumped slightly. "Whose life have you ruined now?"<br>"Hey, I didn't ruin it!" I huffed, falling back into my bed and crossing my arms over my eyes. "It's always improved later on..."  
>"I highly doubt that." she scoffed, leaning against the door frame, arms folded.<br>"what are you doing here Jo?" I sighed.  
>"wondering why a pissed off Kaz is currently slumming it at my place" she glared "What have you done this time, dean?"<br>"Promise you won't get mad and throw things at me?" I asked, keeping my arms over my eyes, not risking a look at jo. Jo had always been able to read me like a book; a talent she had gotten from Sam or Kaz and I didn't like in the least from any of them.  
>"No." She said bluntly, my bed dipping as I felt her sit down next to me.<br>"Just between you and me then?"  
>"Not promising that either." She whispered, the bed moving as she shifted. "Just spill it, dean."<br>"Fine" I huffed, pulling myself up into a sitting position, back pressed against the bedpost. "well you know how things have been with me and cas lately."  
>Jo's eyes instantly narrowed in suspicion.<br>"well, Luc of course has noticed…and he found out something bad. He reacted badly. Really badly. " I sighed "he paid isaac to bring Gabriel back."  
>"Gabriel?" Jo said slowly as her eyes widened and she punched me roughly on the shoulder. "dean you dumb sonofabitch. Why couldn't you just leave cas alone. This would have never happened. If you hurt him I swear Kaz, bela and I are going to dig your heart out with a plastic spoon!"<br>"it's not just that I've been paying attention to him…" I admitted, eyes dropping to the floor as my voice lowered to a barely-there whisper. "I think I might like him Jo."  
>"What?" she squealed and I blinked my eyes, holding red my cheek.<br>"Ow." I hissed, eyes still glued to my sheets. Great I wasn't even brave enough to look at Jo in the eye anymore. "Was that really necessary?"  
>"Yes." She retorted sharply before slapping me again.<br>"Look, I know it's weird….trust me, I know but I…I'm serious. It freaks the fuck out of me but…" I tried, voice not daring to rise more than its current whisper anymore. "I don't get it but the more I think of it…I mean, why else would I pick on him so much?"  
>"Because you're an asshole." Jo suggested with false brightness.<br>"That's a bit harsh." I grumbled, dropping my face into my hands.  
>"Still true"<br>"listen, I know I've fucked up your life more than once and his." I began, earning myself a scoff from jo which I chose to ignore. "And I really am sorry… about all of it. You're perfectly welcome to hate my guts and maybe wanna stab me in my sleep or something…"  
>"Of course not." She interrupted. "I'd much rather stab you whilst you're awake."<br>"Will you cut the sarcasm; I'm trying to be serious here." I growled, turning to glance at her before I dropped my face back into my hands. "But…jo, I need your help. This is new to me. I mean i think I'm-" I tried to finish that sentence, choking on the words.  
><em>Come on Winchester, spit it out...<br>_"I'm..."_ gay. God i can't even say it together in my head!  
>I'm <em>"...gay"_  
>That a boy, now put the words together Winchester, you fucking little pansy.<em>  
>"Jo...I'm gay" I choked out and jo's face softened, her hand resting lightly on my shoulder.<br>"Are you sure?" She tried. "I'm not going to help you if this is all a lie to hurt cas and Isaac. You know that."  
>"Yeah, I'm pretty sure…" I sighed, dropping my head into my hands once more. "I think i like him, Jo. I told myself I didn't for so long. Told myself I cared just a little because we used to be friends, best friends but…truth is..."<br>"You like him a lot and it scares the shit out of you?" she finished, glancing at me.  
>I nodded slowly. "God, Jo. I'm...I'm scared...what the fuck am i going to do?"<br>"you tell him you're gay. He won't forgive you easy but once you do... It starts the long process and for you it will be a _long_ process... And then you pray and wait dean. You pray and wait." she sighed, wrapping her arms around me as she pulled me into a hug. I would never admit that i pulled her closer nor would i admit that i could feel the moisture in my eyes. But at that point, Jo was the only thing holding me together.  
>That was all I needed for now<p>

I saw cas groan as the phone beside his bed squealed, willing his eyes to focus on the number. He rubbed his eyes quickly, picking up with another soft groan.  
>"You may be more stupid than i thought. Do you know what time it is?" He growled into the phone.<br>"You turned off your mobile." I whispered and cas froze, eyes slightly wider now.  
>"Winchester?" He sat up quickly, his tone a bit shocked but when he spoke again he let the anger seep in subtly. "What the hell do you want?"<br>"Could…Could we talk? I mean you don't have to! I just want to talk about some stuff and I'd rather not do it over the phone. I mean you really don't have to! I just…" I trailed off , wanting to slap myself for how nervous I sounded.  
>Fucking toughen up Winchester ...<br>Cas shifted on his bed, biting his lip slightly as he ran a hand down his face, swearing under his breath. His eyes flickered around the dark room briefly. "Fine."  
>"Thank you" I sighed my voice soft and i could see cas jump as I drummed my fingertips against the glass of his window. His eyes shot to me as i balanced precariously on the rusted metal platform, waving slightly with my free hand as I clutched my phone in the other. He came to his window quickly, shoving it open with more force than was necessary.<br>"What the hell are you doing here? Do you seriously climb the fire escape?" He hissed, locking the window behind me as i slipped in.  
>"Balthazar wouldn't let me up the stairs..." I mumbled, backing up into his room with my hood covering my face as i looked down. "I'm sorry, I have to talk to you."<br>"Okay..." He nodded slowly, clearly more confused than ever "Are you alright, dean? No offense but you're acting really fucking weird. Not that you being here isn't weird enough"  
>I rubbed my bandaged wrist absentmindedly, not able to look him in the face as i actually thought of what to say before my big mouth ruined something again. Cas was in front of me quickly, grabbing my chin so he could tilt my head up into the low moonlight.<br>"What the hell happened to you?!" He snapped, letting my chin go and i dropped my face shamefully. "What the hell Winchester. You only just healed from your last fight with Isaac. You keep this up and you won't have those perfect features of yours. People will think bruises are your new fashion statement."  
>"It doesn't matter." I shrugged. "Look don't worry about it. Luc just got lucky. You know i get into fights all the time, this is no different."<br>"Luc? Luc did this? When?" he spluttered  
>I paused for a moment before letting out a growl-like sigh. "At hockey practice. We got into a fight and coach broke it up, it's not big deal."<br>"This is you and Luc. You two are friends" cas said, eyes a little wide.  
>"cas, please. Stop." I sighed, taking his wrist tightly. My grip loosened as I saw the slight panic on his face. I couldn't even touch the kid without him thinking I was gonna kill him. "I promised myself I'd talk to you so let me before i coward out again."<br>Slowly he nodded and i released his wrist as i fell back to sit on his bed, cas' eyes never leaving me.  
>"I don't want you to hate me anymore than you already do..." I whispered out.<br>"I can't guarantee anything, you know that." cas said quietly, taking up the seat beside me but putting a fair bit of distance between us.  
>"You will..." I whispered, frame shuddering as I breathed out. I forced myself to look at cas from beneath my hood, hoping he couldn't see the moisture starting to well up in my eyes. "Of course you will."<br>My breaths were erratic as i looked at him, his eyes wide now as he sat beside me. I tried to recall the moment I had really began feeling like this for cas. For my ex-best friend. It wasn't the moment I chose to manhandle cas as i threw him into dumpsters, nor was it at any point when Isaac had come to Handover. In the beginning i thought it started when i had busted him out of the lockers.  
>Sitting there beside him then, i knew it had started long before that, long before high school even.<br>Cas grabbed my hand, looking at me as he tried to encourage me to speak, my breath coming out shaky and—  
>—I'm thirteen years old and a little in love with a boy I've practically known my whole existence. How can I not be, because cas is smart and kind and shares his mom's pie freely<br>Cas who calls me a little weird but doesn't mean it like the others do and his friendship is the first thing that I ever really wanted for myself.  
>Anna smiles whenever she sees us and Balthazar just winks and waves with a smile but Cas and i are not making any effort to pay attention as i'm trying to explain the hockey from last night and cas is watching me intently and for a second I think he is looking at my mouth but when I look again his crystal blue eyes are locked on mine.<br>So it's only natural that I freak out when cas leans across the space and presses his mouth to mine.  
>It goes bad.<br>Out of panic, I push cas and he falls, wind knocked out of him by the hard ground at his back. In typical Winchester fashion I take a page from dads book, screaming at cas. Because fuck I'm scared and it creates too many new emotions that are wrong. Just wrong.  
>My mouth moves and i cant stop the words and cas, who looks like he is about to cry, just sits there taking it all in. And for the first time i know what it's like to be ashamed of myself and my panic so now I've ruined the best thing he's ever had.<br>Cas obeys the letter of the law: go away and don't come back, but the want didn't go away; it stayed and festered and became poison—  
>—and I'm eighteen years old again, sitting in cas' bedroom, beaten and bloody but there to set things right. Or worse.<br>I shook my head as i came out of my thoughts of the past, cas still waiting quietly beside me although he had obviously thought better and removed his hand from mine. My mouth open and closed several times, trying to get something out but even i didn't know exactly what to say. 'I love you' was too much for cas to cope with and part of me wasn't sure if it was actually true. Yeah, i liked him but love and like was two different things. My sister told me that enough. 'I'm sorry' somehow didn't seem enough to say now though. But it was a start.  
>My body shuddered as i breathed out again, my hand slowly coming up to run a thumb across cas' cheek bone. My chest tightened as he flinched, the boy clearly still not trusting me enough not to hit him. I lowered my hand slowly.<br>"Listen, I've kind of got this… thing… and I just need to talk to someone about it. I can't talk to my mum; she'd hate me and won't understand and talking to sammy or Kaz would result in objects being thrown at me for being a jerk."  
>Cas nodded slowly. "And you picked me of all the people because…?"<br>"Because i trust you..." i whispered, staring at him as i said it but i dropped my eyes back to the floor quickly. "…I think…and i need to. I owe you this much."  
>Cas looked at me curiously.<br>My breath came out ragged when i tried to speak again "Remember when we were younger? You were strangest kid I'd ever met. I called you weird but you came back anyway. You kept coming back, day after day, as though you knew I was too proud to ask you to stay. "  
>Cas' eyes widened a bit and he impotently tried to pull away, but I held on fast. I wasn't done yet.<br>"And then one day you kissed me," I said quickly, not meeting his eyes. "I knew it was coming, maybe not consciously, but there was the way you used to look at me, so, yeah, I knew it was coming. Yet I didn't know how to react, because — fuck, Cas, I was a kid and stupid and I said horrible things to you because I was afraid. You just stood there and took it, hell, you took every nasty thing I said to you without a word, and then you left and didn't come back. I pretended it didn't happen, and like a little chicken shit I was relieved when you did, too. But I fucked up, Cas. I was an asshole and I'm sorry."  
>Cas was silent, his eyes glued to the floor and for once I didn't pretend to ignore the moisture in his eyes.<p>

_I fucked up, just like Gabriel said I would...  
><em>It's almost like he forgot to breathe and when cas opened his mouth again, his was rough and ragged and his breaths were deep and uneven. "why are you saying this...?"  
>"because its true." My eyes remained firmly fixed to the floor as i spoke. "and the thing is, I might be like you cas...I mean... Im pretty sure i am. Truth is I have no idea what to do about it and I'm freaking out ."<br>Cas said nothing for a moment his face blank. "Jo is right, you are bipolar."  
>"Well I'm defiantly Bi-something but i don't think it's bipolar." I said under my breath, words barely there but i knew cas had heard them. I suddenly thanked myself mentally for going for the gay admission and not the 'I might be slightly in love with you' one. Especially if this was the way he was reacting. I grew nervous at the awkward silence. "cas?"<br>Cas looked back at me, his face completely blank although behind his eyes i could see the gears in his head going haywire.  
>"Come on cas." I tried again. "meg found out but all she cares about is her getting labelled a gay beard, she doesn't care about me and Luc wants to kill me which is half the reason Gabriel came back and now Gabriel's in my ass too. I need someone right now who understands. I need help with this."<br>Cas' look softened slightly, but only slightly. "And i didn't back then?"  
>My breath caught in my throat "Why are you being like this, cas?<br>I could see something in him snap.  
>"Because I needed you and you weren't there!" cas stood up, anger contorting on his face now and i knew the only reason he wasn't screaming was the fact the rest of the house including Balthazar was probably downstairs working or asleep. "For all those years you bullied me, you threw me around – you punished me for liking guys! And it turns out that all along you liked guys too! Now you think you can just waltz along and say, 'Oh, I'm sorry, cas. It turns out that I was going through the same thoughts as you. Only I can hide it, so I'm just gonna pretend I'm normal while I chuck you in the dumpster along with all the other freaks and weirdos.' It doesn't work like that! You can't do that to me and expect me to suddenly sympathise with you for what you spent years - years - bullying me for!"<br>"But ten minutes ago you were being all forgi-" I spluttered, looking up at him in bewilderment.  
>"Ten minutes ago I didn't know that you'd been hiding this!" cas guestured wildly. "So many nights I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone. I thought I was the only guy at school. It was never about having a boyfriend; it was about being in pain and no one caring because i was gay! I wanted to scream from the pain you and your friends put me through. You locked me in my own fucking locker!"<br>"I helped you out then! I was fucking worried about you so i reacted. I risked a beating from the team afterwards just to help you!" I snapped back.  
>"Exactly! You care so much about what your so called 'friends' thought about you that you were never yourself! <em>Normal<em> you would have helped anyone in a heartbeat. _Normal_ you would never have been one of the guys beating me up after school or throwing my in dumpsters. You know what hurt me more than anything during all the bullying was the fact that it was you. The fact that i knew that normal and kind you was buried somewhere deep inside you, behind the jerk behaviour. You knew that!"  
>I ducked my head, not wanting to see the look on castiels face as he continued to point a finger in my face. I knew i deserved this. I knew what i had done but i never had any idea hearing the words slip from castiels mouth would hurt more than the actual memories did. I didn't know he could have hurt me so much.<br>"Cassie…" A voice called out, hushed but still breaking the silence. I could see as castiels face dropped in fear, eyes wide before he took off. I tried to catch his arm, missing narrowly and I groaned loudly as I followed. Cas skidded to a stop in the doorway beside his own room and I stumbled, narrowly avoiding crashing into him. My eyes widened as I saw the woman kneeling on the ground of the room, her face pure adoration as her eyes stuck to the figure in front of her. A little boy.  
>I looked at cas briefly. He looked so proud, so loving and it was only then that I really took a good look at the baby boy. He had a small mop of messy blonde hair, wide doe like blue eyes and a small smile consisting of only about two teeth. He looked just like cas.<br>"cas…?" I whispered, cas ignoring me as he knelt down slowly, arms reaching out for the little boy.  
>"Hey." cas smiled widely, the woman shuffling to move beside him. I could both of their grins widened as the boy smiled up at him, holding out the drawing he had in front of him. I could hear the woman whisper something about being 'a little artist like you, Cassie' and I could see castiels grin widen as he put the drawing of the boy and himself back on the little table, kissing the top of the boys head.<br>"It looks awesome, kiddo. I love it" cas said sincerely and I could see him and the woman beside him melt as the little boy pressed a chaste kiss to cas' cheek.  
>"He's growing up so fast, Cassie" She whispered, pinching the boys nose affectionately before she handled him over. "I'll leave you and him alone, okay? I have to get back to work."<br>"Thanks Jodie." cas smiled, arms tightening on the little boy. His smile faltered when he caught sight of me still in the doorway and he stepped back hesitantly. The boy looked at me curiously from his place on castiels hip but said nothing, easily distracted as cas passed him the batman plush toy from the ground in front of him.  
>"cas…is he…?" I tried, cas' worried face tugging into a barely there smile as he looked down at the boy.<br>"My son?" cas laughed quietly. "No, he's not so stop looking so shell shocked. I think someone who have noticed if I had gotten a girl pregnant at the age of 15. That woman by the way, was Jodie. Balthazars mum. She looks after him while I'm at school. She's more of a mother to Adam and me than anything."  
>"Oh." I said lamely, shifting my weight from foot to foot. "So…this is Adam?"<br>"Yeah," Cas shrugged, the boy in his arms looking at me curiously.  
>I couldn't help myself, face reddening slightly "And he's your…?"<br>"Little brother," he smiled fondly, kissing Adams pale cheek. "God knows he's all I got left."  
>"That's not fair..." i tried, my breathing becoming harder and harder. "You still got my sister, Jo, bela…me"<br>"I didn't have you for 5 years Winchester, I'm not going to start counting you now." He retorted quickly, Adams arms winding around castiels neck tightly as he buried his face in castiels shoulder.  
>"I said I'm sorry, okay?" I sighed. "I hated who i was back then. I didn't believe it just like i didn't a month ago. I shouldn't have done the things I did but I can't change that now"<br>"You promised me, dean! You promised the day we became friends that we wouldn't leave each other alone and you broke that promise because you were a scared little boy with a grudge! You were fine, talking about girls with your new friends but i was alone dean! You left me alone!"  
>I flinched. "You can't expect me to have jumped down from the top of the pyramid just to make you feel better. I rule that school!"<br>"You could have done." He glared at me accusingly.  
>"No, I couldn't." I whispered, my eyes on him and my voice with finally getting a little stronger.<br>The accusing stare turned to a blank expression. "Of course you could. You were the only other guy in school who could!"  
>"No, cas, I couldn't." I shook my head. "We were nothing alike. Our issues were completely different. You knew you didn't like girls, you knew you didn't deserve the shit we put you through. My dad left me. He left my family. How do you expect a 13 year old kid to accept himself when he was the same thing that made his dad leave his wife and kids behind? Even you knew how that would've messed with my head. I wasn't the same."<br>"You think it's not the same? My sister died when I was 15, my parents the year after that. Norah was the only person to accept me as i was sexuality, looks and all. And for the past year I've had to raise not a teenage girl but a child, completely dependent on me. You and I both had to deal with loss and growing up way too fast. How much easier would it have been if we'd been going through it together?"  
>"No disrespect, man, but your family died. They didn't choose to leave. My dad did, and that screwed me up. I thought I wasn't good enough for him, so I wasn't good enough for anybody. I would have been no good to you then."<br>Cas nodded grudgingly. "You still bullied me for being just the same as you and now you turn around and say that you're like me? I'm sorry dean but even you are smart enough to know how I'd react to this. Or at least, i hope you were smart enough to know that."  
>"Why do you think I've been a coward and held off telling you?" I hissed a bit sharper than i intended to. "You think me leaving was hard? You think being alone was hard. I had to lie to people and myself. For years i hate and loathed myself! Hated the idea and now as I'm finally accepting it and myself, that creep Isaac comes along! I wish i had the guts to tell you that night at the park after the lockers cause then it would have meant something but now Isaac is around, I'm a piece of shit! Do you know how hard it is to watch you flirt with him? You know, once, I thought you were smiling at me and I was about to smile back when I realised who your smile was really directed at. It killed me especially when you saw me looking at you. Even when we are being civil you sneer and glare and then turn around."<br>"Do you blame me after all these years?" cas snapped back, his voice wavering slightly and it was only then that i saw the little moisture in his eyes. Adam fidgeted in his arms, saying his name quietly and cas glanced at him quickly before he looked back at me, not meeting my eyes "...you need to go now Winchester."  
>"I'm not leaving" i said evenly. "I'm not finished."<br>"Oh, I think you are" cas pushed past me as he opened the door, gesturing out with his head. "Out Winchester"  
>"Fine. Then do me a favour?" I asked and i could see cas nod hesitantly.<br>"Yes?"  
>"When I see you again..." I whispered, a ripple running through my frame. "Fake amnesia. Just play along. This didn't happen, right?"<br>"Right." cas agreed quickly "Can I ask for something in return?"  
>"Anything."<br>"Don't mention him to anyone" he whispered, gesturing down to adam with his head. "People think I'm a freak enough already. He may not have everything he will ever want or proper parents to look up to but I love Adam more than anything in this world. I don't want his life ruined just because he's related to me."  
>"Fine…" I sighed after a moment. "I'm guessing bela and the girls know nothing about him either do they?"<br>"Just the singer family. When they adopted both of us I kept my name. Adam had his last name changed to singer." He confirmed.  
>"I don't get it cas," I sighed, looking at him from the corner of my eye. "If you just asked, we would have helped you and Adam. We still will if you just ask. It's not charity or pity or anything just…you shouldn't have to go through this by yourself. We're only kids; you shouldn't have to raise a kid."<br>"That's why I've got Jodie, bobby and Balthazar." He let out evenly. "Is that all?"  
>I shoved my fists into my jacket if only to stop myself from hitting something as it took me a moment to nod. I was just past cas when i spun around, sticking out my uninjured hand to catch the door as it was closing.<br>"No, actually it's not..." I whispered seriously, staring at him dead in the eye. "Isaac may be high and mighty but he doesn't understand you, doesn't know you the way i do. He never will. I though you should know that."  
>"Yeah?" cas snapped angrily as he pushed my hand off the door before he slammed it close. "Well, he's never treated me like trash either."<p>

My red gloved right fist connected squarely with the punching bag and I threw another kick, my red shoes hitting the bag with a loud thump. I was beyond pissed. I was freaking infuriated. I punched the bag again, harder this time.  
>My music was blaring from my iPod speakers to help drown out my thoughts. It helped to some extent, but when there was a lull in the music; my thoughts would stray to Cas. Stupid fucking Cas.<br>I had spilled my guts, told him _almost _everything and he had turned his back on me. Kicked me out. That wasn't the way it was supposed to go. I was his friend once, right? I knew Cas liked me – i wasn't that stupid – but he was unlike me in almost every way. For a start he was honest and good. More than I could say for me I supposed.

I slammed my fists against the bag once more, lashing out with everything I had as if I were trying to knock some sense into myself. Even after all this time and arguing with myself, I still hoped that I had a chance with Cas even though I knew it was a hopeless cause. God, after the way i treated Cas i didn't blame him for hating me but didn't he get it? I couldn't be like him and come out and proud. That didn't mean i didn't care about him. Of course not, he was still hung up over that asshole Isaac. Could this be anymore fucked?  
>I threw a roundhouse kick, a jab, and an undercut at the bag. I needed to get out my frustration before school tomorrow. I couldn't be affording to hit Isaac in the middle of the hallway – no matter how much i wanted to. I could not help hating myself for still reacting this way whenever Cas was involved.<br>I hit the bag again, beating the object until my lungs were burning and my hands were aching from the broken skin on my knuckles.  
>The music had changed and I couldn't help letting a small groan out at the song, throwing the remote from it place beside me at my sound system.<br>I heard the door open but I pretended I hadn't noticed. I hit the bag with more force than I had before and i could hear the heavy sigh from Balthazar. He said nothing as he made his way to my sound system, yanking the power cord out. He ignored the loud 'hey!' i shouted out as i turned around  
>"This isn't good for you, Dean" he whispered and i lowered my eyes to sit on the bench beside my things.<br>"I don't know what you're talking about" i said quickly, undoing the velcro on my gloves as threw them on the bench beside me. Balthazar swore and I looked at him confused  
>"Don't look at me like that" Balthazar growled annoyed, taking my hands to look at my knuckles. They were basically raw, torn and bleeding, the rest of hand hands red and ached painfully<br>"I'm fine. It's nothing." I shifted on the spot, trying to pull my hands away, but Balthazar's grip tightened.  
>"Jesus Christ, Dean." balthazar swore again, shaking his head. "You've been in my garage bashing that bag all weekend. You keep this up you won't have any knuckles left."<br>"I don't care" i grumbled and Balthazar's other hand on my arm tightened.  
>"Well i do." Balthazar growled, shoving me backwards roughly. My eyes widened as i looked at him. I had never seen him snap this bad. "You came out to Cassie, Dean and he yelled at you. Well boo-fucking-hoo. Crying and angst-ing about it in my garage is not gonna change anything. You have to suck it up, stop being such a snot nosed princess and prove to him that you're actually worth a shit. That you're not the same jackass you've been for the past 5 years. Show that you actually mean it."<br>"Yeah and how the fuck am i supposed to do that Balthazar? I'm sorry but I'm not you or Adam. I don't matter to him as much as you two do." i growled out and Balthazar's expression faltered only slightly.  
>The angry glare was still on his face. "You know how."<br>"I am not coming out." I snapped back as i pointed a finger at his face. "You know why i can't do that!"  
>"Because you're scared!"<br>"Because I'd get the shit beaten out of me!" I yelled and Balthazar was in front of me in a second, a glare on his face as he pushed against my chest roughly to shove me into the wall.  
>"Just like Cassie's been taking for the past 5 years from you!" he growled and i froze, my eyes wide again. His face softened barely, his voice quiet again as he shook his head. He couldn't look at me. "If you were in his place, what would you have done? What would you do now if the tables were turned?" <p>

**a/n: ohhhhhhhh! **

**Tell me how you guys liked the new chapter and again:**

**IM SORRY HOW LONG IT TOOK! ILL BE BETTER!**

***dodges pitchforks* **

**Also any ideas or things you wanna see in the next chapter or so is always appreciated.**

**Much love**

**Eden xxxx**


	12. SORRY!

OMG GUYS I AM SO SORRY!

i've been away for ages, i know. Just here to let you know the next chapter will hopefully be up very soon! my older brother is getting married and work is being a pain so i've been swamped over lately but NEVER FEAR! i am writing / editing the next chaapter as we speak!

IM SORRY AGAIN!

EDEN XOXOXO


	13. Chapter 11

**A/n: a chapter? Could it be? Again I'm sorry guys. Like i said, things have been pretty hectic lately but i tried to get this chapter done ASAP. **

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><strong><em>- Castiel - <em>**

I buried my face in my pillow, groaning as light flooded through the small dirty window of my room. I flipped Balthazar the bird, face still mushed into my pillow and I was thankful that i was now able to tell the difference between Jodie and Balthazar's footsteps. I was not facing off against Jodie's wooden spoon again. Or the large buckets of ice water. Tough love for being rude she called it. Creative torture we called it.  
>Balthazar chuckled, flopping down on top of my back and I huffed out, trying to roll him off of me.<br>"Get off you fatty." I groaned, still not opening my eyes. "You're crushing me. If I died you have to explain to mum that I died cause of your dumb assbutt."  
>"Rude cassie." Balthazar mock-gasped and I under no circumstance squealed like a girl when he jab me in the ribs a few times. I was not extremely ticklish. Nope, not me.<br>Balthazar smiled slightly and I felt his hand run through my short hair before he rolled to lie on his back beside me.  
>"How long you been awake?" I smirked; squinting as I slowly opened my eyes.<br>"Few hours at best." He murmured, poking me in the forehead and I groaned, nipping at his finger half-heartedly "mum wouldn't let me come wake you up til 7.30. It's 7.29 but I say close enough."  
>"You are the devil." I whispered and Balthazar snorted.<br>"I think I'll leave that title for Luc." He smiled. "You know you do have school today."  
>"Don't remind me." I grumbled, hiding my face in my pillow again.<br>"Do you wanna go?" He asked quietly, and I turned my face just enough to look at him.  
>"No."<br>He shook his head with a smile, playing with the frayed hem of his shirt. "Do you want to wallow in your self-pity again at home?"  
>"No."<br>"Do you want me to murder someone?" He asked, laughing when I lifted my head. "Wishful thinking. Sorry cassie..."  
>"I hate you." I rolled my eyes. "So much."<br>"No you don't" he chuckled, ruffling my hair. "Come on cassie. What's going on in that little head of yours?"  
>"Just…thinking" I sighed softly.<br>"That's always a dangerous thing" he joked, sighing when he caught my eye. "What's wrong cassie?"  
>"Ever fancied someone you knew you shouldn't? It hurts, doesn't it? But kind of a good hurt" I breathed, Balthazar grabbing my hand in comfort as I breathed out heavily. "I hate him so much Balthazar but he just... Keeps finding ways just to get back under my skin. And I hate it. So much."<br>"I know the feeling Cassie." He tried, shuffling closer so our shoulders brushed. "Take it from me. That hate? All that anger? It's usually comes from hurt. For a while I thought I hated Anna. But you and I both know I could never have hated her. Never will."  
>"I don't understand any of this."<br>"Course not, you're 17. No one understands what's going on in their own heads let alone anyone else's." Balthazar shrugged a shoulder. "But sometimes things are so different they don't feel like they go together but sometimes the difference between them is what makes them great."  
>I sighed, covering my face with my hand.<br>"I think you should give Dean a chance." Balthazar whispered and my eyes shot open wide, turning to him.  
>"I didn't-"<br>"You didn't have to Cassie. I see the way you look at him." Balthazar tried. "He was your best friend. I remember how close you two were, it was crazy. And I know what jerk he became but you said yourself a few times we wasn't as bad as the others. And whether you believe it or not he's slowly trying to make amends."  
>"Because of guilt." I snapped<br>"Partly." He agreed, staring at the ceiling and shrugged a shoulder. I shook my head, closing my eyes. "Partly because he didn't like the way you are with Isaac. And partly because I think the lockers scared the shit out of him."  
>I snorted and i could practically feel Balthazar's eyes on me.<br>"I'm not saying forgive him easily Cassie. Make him work for it..." He corrected, squeezing my hand. "... Just don't make it impossible either."  
>I didn't open my eyes till I felt Balthazar's weight leave the bed, door clicking closed behind him.<br>.

.  
>The thing was, I was perfectly content ignoring Balthazar's words like I sometimes did. I didn't want to think about it. In all honesty I wasn't ready. But that didn't mean it didn't bury its way into my veins, setting my body on fire.<br>I swore as I fumbled with the cigarette, sitting on the swings at the park as I dragged my feet through the dirt. I didn't want to deal with the girls or Isaac, both of them too perceptive for their own good. Not that I wasn't doing a good job of hiding the nervous energy anyway. I shook my head, swearing as I slipped the unlit cigarette behind my ear. It didn't stop my hands from shaking either way.  
>"Hey loser!" My head snapped up on instinct by my eyes narrowed on what seemed to be the start of a fight. It was only dumb luck that it was against Joshua Singer.<br>I knew for a fact the kid couldn't fight, sitting up in his room with a book and his precious plants when Balthazar and I had taken combat lessons last year.  
>I stood slowly, shoving my hands into my pockets as I approached.<br>"Hey." I called out, smiling at Joshua between the two jocks. "Singer, right? Joshua?"  
>All three pairs of us spun to me, a small smirk flittering across Joshua's face before he nodded, keeping up the scared act in front of the jocks.<br>It had always been a rule that Joshua – and Adam when he was old enough – would pretend not to know me while at school or high school. It wasn't a rule the singer family understood or liked very much but they agreed none the less, some more hesitant than others.  
>For me, it was a way to keep Joshua and Adam safer from bullying but even that had its limits. Especially when you were such a good, quiet freshman nerd like Joshua.<br>Although I meant that in the very best of ways. He was yet to be corrupted by Balthazar or myself, no matter how hard we tried.  
>"Michael," I faked a smile. "And Gordon. You remember me? I'm the kid you shoved inside his own locker."<br>"Get lost Novak, we ain't at school yet." Gordon said, shoving a little at Joshua's shoulder. "We're just having a chat."  
>"I bet," I smirked sarcastically. "I'm doubting whether your D- vocabulary can keep up, that's all."<br>"You calling me stupid?" Gordon snapped and I snorted rolling my eyes.  
>"I'm calling you an imbecile" I smirked, almost laughing outright at the confused look both of the jocks shared. "My point exactly."<br>"Aren't you too worried about talking to us without your little boyfriend Novak? He's not here to protect you this time." Michael sneered and I went on the defensive immediately.  
>"Isaac? Please, me and him aren't friends. He's just some guy I know. He's a weirdo, dude." I lied, all too familiar with jocks mentality. If I knew those two like I did, I knew it would keep them away from Isaac. It was the least I could do. "He only hangs with me because he isn't smart enough to have any other friends. Seriously, the blunt sarcastic dude is an asshole. He's drive you insane."<br>"Shut the hell up Novak." Gordon snapped, pushing my shoulder. "Go stalk our captain, or something."  
>I straightened up quickly, even Joshua stiffening. I ignored the attempt of comfort as he mouthed 'Cas, no' and shaking his head slightly. I'd apologise later. "What did you say?"<br>"You got a thing for Winchester don't ya?" Gordon smirked, exchanging an amused look with Michael.  
>I knew for a fact they didn't mean it, just a provoking method. They didn't actually know, no one did but Isaac –but he wouldn't ever use it for something as boring as this. "Go on, go stalk him then. Weird fucking fag."<br>"Didn't you mother ever tell you it's not very nice to tell lies. " I said, pointing a finger at lightly, a fake smile still on my face. I felt my frame slightly relax as I noticed Joshua's absence, having seen the offered exit.  
>Good, smart boy.<br>And if my fist went flying into Gordon's face the second he was gone, well Joshua didn't need to know.

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>" I didn't steal that soda machine, and if I did, I didn't do it alone" the voice came out in a quick rushed tone and I rolled my eyes, hand tightening on the phone.<br>"I really hope that isn't how you normally answer the phone, Isaac." I teased half-heartedly, touching the frozen pack of peas to my lip gently. Nothing worse than my wounded pride when Balthazar had come around the corner with a baseball bat, threatening to knock some people out.  
>Damn Joshua.<br>"Didn't expect to be hearing from you." Isaac said evenly and my shoulders slumped. I expected as much as that sort of welcome. "I told you, my brothers back and not a single word for me is going to change that. I maintain it's Pa's fault, stubbornness is hereditary."  
>"I've been an assbutt." I blurted out quickly, cutting off whatever Isaac was about to say. "And I'm sorry. I want to make it right."<br>"Nothing to make right, Castiel." He said evenly and my brow furrowed in confusion.  
>"Huh? You never call me Castiel."<br>"What else would I call you?" He said lowly. "I'm just some guy you know, after all. It's not like we're friends or anything."  
>I scrunched my eyebrows at that. That sounded way too familiar.<br>"I mean, I'm just this fuckin' weirdo who hangs with you because I ain't smart enough to have any other friends." He continued, voice rising slightly. "I'm an asshole really. Too sarcastic, too blunt. I'd drive anyone fuckin' mad."  
>I swore mentally, wanting to punch myself in the face. I knew where I had heard that. All of this. This entire thing was over something that wasn't even my fault.<br>Okay, actually, it was but that wasn't the point.  
>"Isaac, wait..." I tried, groaned as dial tone met my ears.<br>.

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>Granted, it wasn't exactly a great plan but when had i ever really had a decent plan anyway.<br>Isaacs narrowed eyes spun around the bar nervously, shoulders tight. I resisted rolling my eyes as he took another slow step inside, fist buried deep into his pockets. I tried to ignore the scowl on his face deepening when he saw me.  
>"You look popular," Balthazar commented with a smirk and I scowled, poking my tongue at him as I began to walk to Isaacs's side.<br>Isaac barely nodded as I reached him. "Castiel."  
>"Please don't be mad at me." I sighed, torn between punching him or myself.<br>I grabbed Isaacs's wrist tightly, knowing he could probably break my grip if he wanted to.  
>Isaac just glared, tugging on his hand experimentally. "What are you doing? Let me go, Castiel."<br>"Shut up." I growled out, his eyes widening and my heart skipped slightly when I saw the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. It was something at least.  
>Bela's eyes widened slightly as I came up to the booth, Kaz and jo looking at me curiously and I had to ignore the way Kaz's eyes lingered on my grip on Isaacs wrist for a moment.<br>"This is Isaac. Yes, he sarcastic and blunt. Yes, he is one of the only people dumb enough to hang with me and yes, he can be an asshole sometimes." I spluttered out quickly, eyes never leaving the speck of dirt on my shoes. I couldn't bring myself to look at the girls, let alone Isaac. "But yes, he is my friend and I miss his stupid sarcasm and I miss his stupid way of talking and I miss his stupid face. And the only reason I said that shit was so he wouldn't get beat up by losers. There!"  
>I raised my eyes for only a moment, cheeks turning red when I noticed the mass of wide eyes and confused faces. Then Bela burst out laughing.<br>"You okay Cas?" Kaz asked carefully, as if judging my sanity and Bela stopped laughing long enough to smile at me.  
>I breathed out finally, collapsing into the booth, dropping my arms and head on the table.<br>"Bad day." I said mostly muffled by my arms. Isaac snorted lightly, tapping me too move over before putting an arm around my shoulder also dropping his chin into the table  
>"all good mate, I was fucking with you." He teased, bumping my arm with his nose. "Can't get rid of me that easy."<br>"You're an assbutt." I grumbled, earning a wide smirk.  
>"So I've been told." He winked. "Hey, had to make sure you still wanted me around, didn't I?"<br>"What the hell are you talking about?" I frowned.  
>Isaac snorted, jerking his head towards the bar. My eyes widened slightly at the sight of Dean on my usual barstool, sitting comfortably as he chatted with Balthazar easily. I ignored the weird feeling in my stomach.<br>Isaac noticed as I dropped my eyes and his smirk twitched. "He's getting under your skin...isn't he?"  
>"No." I growled out.<br>Isaac raised a brow at the strong answer, eyes raking over my face. "You sure about that, mate?"  
>I jumped up quickly, ignoring the girls panicked gasps and Isaacs attempt to catch my arm as I stormed over to the bar. My fist balled in the back of the collar of dean's polo, his eyes as well as Balthazar's wide as they looked at my surprise entrance.<br>"Cassie, what are you doing?" Balthazar asked quickly, flinching slightly at my glare. I ignored the question, yanking up dean to his feet.  
>"We need to talk. Now." I spat and dean just nodded. Grudgingly, I let go of his collar and followed as Balthazar lifted the bar to allow us into the back area. Dean was silent as he walked, swearing silently as bobby came around the corner and I barely had time to react when he grabbed my arm, yanking me into the stock cupboard.<br>"Why the fuck am I in a closet?" I hissed, words muffled as he slammed a hand over my mouth. I ignored the irony of being in a closet with dean.  
>"Balthazar doesn't mind me. Bobby? Yeah, not so much." He whispered, faking a smile before looking back at the door. I shoved his shoulder roughly, grabbing his attention. The shock quickly leaving his face as it was replaced by rage. "What the fuck do you want, Cas?"<br>"I want you to stop being such good buddies with my brother Balthazar. I want you to go back to how you used to be because it made fucking sense and I want you to stop hanging around acting like you give a shit about me." I snapped and I could feel the electricity under my skin. "I can't handle this shit Winchester"  
>"My name is dean! Stop calling me Winchester!" He yelled, something in him finally snapping. I flinched slightly, back hitting the shelf as he took an angry step forward. "You want to know what the hell is up? You want to know what's wrong? I can't get you out of my fucking head anymore! I can't stop thinking about you! Worrying! Caring! I just can't...I'm not supposed to give a shit! I'm not supposed to be gay!"<br>He dropped his eyes quickly, looking anywhere but me. I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck, the wind completely knocked out of me.  
>I grabbed his collar wide eyed. "You're drunk, dean. You don't know what you're saying but you need to calm down."<br>"I don't wanna calm the fuck down." He spat as he pushed my hands away. "I wanna stop feeling like shit when i pick on you! I wanna not get angry every time I see Isaac with you! I wanna be able to want to hang out with you without thinking...without hating myself! I wanna be fucking normal! I can't be a fag!"  
>I shook my head, almost feeling like I wanted to laugh hysterically. Wasn't that the first sign of insanity?<br>"You've never been normal Dean." I whispered and dean's eyes locked with mine. "You're dean fucking Winchester. You're smart in ways that you could never learn from a book. You're there for Kaz and Sam even when your parents aren't. You act like you don't care about anything but if someone followed for you for a day they could tell it was never true. I've seen you with your mum and no mother could wish for more. You will always be loved and you will always be perfect."  
>Dean was in my personal space and could feel my chest tighten as I pushed further back into the shelves.<br>"...thanks Cas." He whispered, the words barely there. I swallowed thickly, nodding and I could hear him sigh, shaking his head.  
>I froze as i felt his hand on my chin, holding it softly before he crashed his lips to mine. For the first time, I was scared. Scared that this was the first time I've been seen without my walls. Scared that I was actually enjoying it, not wanting to yank away and running for my life before he pulled away and threatened to beat the shit out of me.<br>He leaned forward, deepening the kiss and my hand seemed to react on its own as I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer. I wanted to wave as I watched my pride fly out the window, hand-in-hand with any form of sanity and self-dignity I had.  
>What the hell are you doing?! It was my own voice in my head, rough and low on ways that spoke of maturity that I doubted I would ever have.<br>I wrenched myself away, a small growl rumbling in dean's throat as i did. I stepped away, eyes wide and hand touching my tingling lips.  
>"Holy...holy shit..." I whispered, shaking my head. Dean's eyes refused to meet mine. "I… what…why...I-I'm sorry.."<br>My body shook and I took another step back as dean too one forward. "Cas…"  
>"I'm sorry" I repeated. "I shouldn't have done that. I…" I paused, closing my eyes briefly. "I have to go."<br>"Wait! Cas!" dean shouted out, hand narrowly missing my wrist as I yanked away.  
>"Forget this." I whispered before I took off running, leaving Dean alone in the closet. How fucking fitting.<p>

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><strong><em><br>- Dean -_**

My eyes hasn't left the door where Cas had disappeared, leaving me behind, more embarrassed, confused and scared than I had been in my entire life. I tried to ignore the wired feeling beneath my skin, hands shaking so hard I could barely take hold of the door handle to slip out of the closet.  
>I could still taste Cas on my lips, the strange mixture of his favourite whiskey and cigarettes.<br>"Dean Winchester," Isaacs voice tease and I jumped, glaring at him as he leant back against the large freezer room door. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else? Away from Cas?"  
>I glared, ignoring the smirk on his face and the chill running up my spine. His eyes looked like they wanted to burn a hole right through me.<br>Bring it I thought.  
>"What are you doing here, creep? I thought Cas was still pissed at your dumb ass after you brought that brother of yours home." I snapped, shoulders tense as I buried my fists in my pockets.<br>"Lasted 3 hours before he called me back up." Isaac snorted, rolling his eyes. "Cas can't stay mad at me…you on the other hand...You do know he is just stringing you along right?"  
>If I felt sick in my stomach, well I didn't mention it. "What is that supposed to mean?"<br>Isaac laughed to himself, shoving the unlit cigarette he had been playing with behind his ear. "Do you really think that he cares for you? After all you ever did? God Winchester…He's hates you. He pity's you. How could he not? The closet popular kid, with no one to turn to. Your family is in shambles. Your so called friends would not only hate you but probably kill you. You're nothing but a charity case."  
>"I'd leave while you still have teeth, Isaac." I growled, hand balling to a fist at my side.<br>He snorted, rolling his eyes. "The threat of violence. Always your go to reaction, huh Winchester? When are you gonna admit I am better for Cas than-"  
>Isaac stopped abruptly as the scream, the shatter of glass and both our eyes spun to the door connecting the kitchen to the bar. I didn't bother waiting for him but by the noise, Isaac was right behind me as I burst through the door to take in the scene unfolding.<br>"How dare you step foot in this bar!" Balthazar yelled, a struggling Cas holding him back as Gabriel slowly picked himself off the ground, softly touching his bleeding nose.  
>"Good to see you too, balthy." Gabriel smiled slightly and I could see the second Cas held tighter, keeping Balthazar in place. "I'm guessing a 'welcome back' hug is out of the question?"<br>"I should kill you where you stand!" He snapped and I could hear Gabriel snort.  
>"Getting that a lot actually." He smirked, eyes flickering to me. I ducked my head as both Balthazar and Castiel's eyes flickered to me as well, hiding the slight red to my cheeks. "Two people. No doubt three right Cas? Maybe I deserve it?"<br>"You killed Anna!" Balthazar shouted and I watched as Cas breathed out slowly, mashing his eyes shut as he buried his face in Balthazar's shoulder blade.  
>"I did not kill Anna, Balthazar!" Gabriel snapped, his face uncharacteristically serious. "She was sick! That's what you could never understand! Yes, okay I cheated on her once with Kali. I own that but her suicide was her choice!"<br>"You caused it!" Balthazar growled, hand coming up to clutch Castiel's hand on his chest tightly as he buried his face deeper into his back.  
>"She was hearing angels in her head, Balthazar! She was sick and you know it!" Gabriel snarled, taking a small step forward. "I had nothing to do with her death!"<br>I could see the second Cas began to loosen his hold on his brother, Balthazar taking the opportunity to break out of his hold, throwing himself at Gabriel. I was between them in a second, leaping the counter as I shoved my arms out to catch both of their chests.  
>"What's going on here?!" A voice boomed and everyone seemed to cower at the same time, no one looking at bobby as he slowly came in. Balthazar looked at his feet, taking a step back from me and I could see Gabriel from the corner of my eye bury his hands in his pockets.<br>"Nothing dad. Just kicking some low life out." Balthazar said finally at bobby's expecting look. Bobby's eyes narrowed on Gabriel quickly.  
>"Gabriel Isaac. I heard you were back in town." Bobby said evenly, ignoring the small 'yes sir' from Gabriel. "I suggest you head off, boy. I'm not having some old grudges and emotions stirring up trouble in my bar"<br>Gabriel nodded mutely; I jumped as he snagged my wrist. "Come on Winchester, let's have a chat."  
>Bobby went to his sons side slowly, all three pairs of eyes stuck on me as I dragged along behind quietly. I froze in the doorway, mouth fighting to work when I caught the glare Cas was sending me but Gabriel was stronger.<br>"Fuck, Gabriel." I swore, huffing as my back hit the solid brick of the back of the bar. "What the hell do you want?"  
>"You know I came back kinda knowing what to expect. My baby brother tells me a fair bit so I knew the general idea of what you were like. But this..."Gabriel laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head. "It's déjà Vu all over again isn't it deano?"<br>I shoved his hands off my jacket, narrowing my eyes on him. "What are you talking about?"  
>"Don't tell me you don't see it, even a bit. The innocent sweet Novak torn between the golden boy best friend and the bad influence Isaac son. Well, ex best friend but you're doing better to be friends then I expected." Gabriel said before turning serious. "Which is not exactly what I was hoping for deano. I owe Castiel's sister a lifetime of happiness and if I can't give it to her you can be damn sure I'll try and give it to her baby brother."<br>"You owe her a lot more than that. You owe her your life." I snapped, ignoring the furious expression that skidded onto his face. "I don't get what that has to do with me."  
>"I need you to let him go. It's maddening, how much I see of me in you. We won't do what's best for them; we'll do what makes it best for us. We're both selfish dean. Tormented twisted and selfish." Gabriel let out a long breath. "I wanted something the golden boy didn't have; I just didn't know it would make him hate me as much as it did. How could it not? Did you not notice how much Balthazar loved her? How could I compete with that? I couldn't, shouldn't have. Balthazar was my best friend. My brother. And I took the one girl he loved and dangled her on a string in front of him."<br>He looked expectantly before snorting.  
>"Not that you are friends with my brother." He shook his head with a small smile. "I'm just saying that maybe, even if we think we might be okay for them...think we might just love them...they're better with someone else...just think about it deano."<br>He winked, turning his back on me quickly as he disappeared towards his truck. As soon as he was out of earshot I groaned, running a hand down my face.  
>I needed a fucking drink.<br>.

.  
><strong><em>- Jo -<em>**

"This is getting ridiculous." Kaz huffed beside me, sinking into her seat as she watched -glared- at dean. He was back where he had been at the beginning of the night, drink in his hand. Except now Meg was beside him, stroking the sleeve of his coat. Not that he seemed to notice, locking eyes on Cas over the bar.  
>Cas was at Balthazar's side, gingerly touching the damn rag to his lip while scolding him quietly. It was a strange role swap. That didnt stop Cas from turning his eyes to meet deans the second Balthazar wasn't looking.<br>"Look at them!" She huffed again, waving an arm in their general direction. "How long is it going to take for one of them to make a move?  
>"Do you think if we locked them in a closet together they'd understand the significance?" Bela smirked, downing her glass.<br>"I don't know about Cas but dean isn't exactly that smart." I teased, mouthing 'kidding' as Kaz looked at me.  
>I sighed as Kaz leaned into my side, the three of us watching carefully as Meg tried to catch deans attention. He muttered something shortly, downing his glass before refilling it and moving his eyes back to Cas.<br>"Do you think she knows he's in love with Cas?" Bela whispered quietly and I could feel Kaz snort against me.  
>"Bela, I don't think he knows he's in love with Cas." I whispered before I called chuck over, gesturing for another round.<p>

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**a/n: okay so please don't throw pitchforks! If you'd like to send ideas and feedback that would be awesome as always but the favourites and follows I'm getting is seriously suprising the hell out of me. THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL! MUCH CYBER HUGS AND COOKIES!**

**Eden xoxoxo**


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